Thursday, 31 October 2013

A day at the Palace!












So after the sad news and a couple of very tearful evenings, it is Thurdsday and so close to the end of the week I am beginning to get very excited. Although why I have no idea, got no plans for the weekend!!! Unless you class mooching round Ladylaineyville and doing ‘boys’ shopping as the highlight of your weekend!!!! Think that I need to formulate a plan, and soon.

Managed to get through yesterday without shouting at the boys too, not sure what is happening. They want me to go out on a ‘lads night’ out with them on Friday after work. Curry and pub crawl in Ladylaineyworkville ( not sure it has recovered after last years Xmas knees up)!. There are 26 of them going. Well if they think for one flipping tiny minute that this lady is going out with them. I am very worried as some of the things that they have been talking about what boys get up to on nights out have made my curls, twirl even more! Think I am learning things that I need never have known!


Well Durham The Champions of the world travelled down to London to have lunch at Buckingham Palace yesterday. Lots of pictures on Twitter of them meeting Prince Philip and they all looked very smart and were wearing their poppies ( or poopies as auto correct kept telling me!!). Great to see them getting recognition for their efforts last season.

Through numerous texts last night I have managed to blag some free coffee for an open day at The Taking Steps project in Hampshire who are having an open day on November 15th ( my flipping birthday!). Good luck to Gerrie and hope that it is a great success.A great lady who is pushing awareness of domestic abuse. Many thanks to Coxy at Crown Coffee Newbury for all his help.

Sad to say that Yorkshire have been very quiet on Twitter, Gillespie he Gallant is in Australia and His Royal Ryanness is too busy watching rugby (????) to tweet. Roll on season 2014.

Breaking news though, Cook is out of the England opener!!! Sore back!!!!!!!

And the Australians lost to India in what can only be described as an amazing  one day run chase.  350 to beat Australia and they did it!

And what about today, well I will be sitting QUIETLY at my desk, twirling my curls, filing my nails and looking super Lady like.................................yeah and you just know that I am going to have to do some work!!!!







Wednesday, 30 October 2013

Beautiful Bella



It was an evening of tears at 'The Towers' last night as I got the news that Beautiful Bella the Border collie ( sister of Benji the french kissing border collie), had gone on her last journey, she had gone over the rainbow bridge!. To say that I was heartbroken is an understatement and she wasn't even my dog. But in the short time she was with us, she made us laugh ( her lying on the back of the sofa with her paws around my neck) and gave as much love to everyone as we showered on her.

She is now running around with Ben, Harley and Tyson. And that should make us smile!


Half way through the week and not really a single shout at the boys ( apart from when they were talking about ‘Only Fools and Horses!!!!’). What is Super Swanky Lady Lainey office coming to, more to the point is Lady Lainey mellowing???? I should chuffing well think not, I think that I finally have the ‘boys’ under control. Famous last words as it will all go belly up today mark my words!

Well as I am writing this besty ex bowler friend JJ is winging his way to warmer climes to visit his parents in The West Indies. Everyone seems to be jetting off to warmer climes whilst I Lady Lainey am freezing my ‘wot nots’ off on the office and pulling out the winter coats and boots ( and hats and gloves and scarves). Never mind this time next year I will be fair bouncing off the walls with excitement as it will be nearly time to go off on super big birthday bash to Marseilles!!! Lot of time between then and now though!


I have of late been turning up at super swanky Lady Lainey office resembling the Michelin Man crossed with a bag Lady, never a good look in my book, so today I am bracing myself and donning a skirt and my besty tiara and going back into super glamorous LL mode ( yes I will be wearing a top too!!). Its going to be a long old winter and cricket season is a long way off so no need to let standards slip.

And talking cricket it's all going on down under. Now Captain Cook is doubtful for the opening match beginning on Thursday ( tomorrow) because he has...........................a sore back! now this goes along with fractured eyelash and broken nail in the book of I, Lady Lainey. Maybe if he hadn't been laid on it, in the sun, on the beach the other day he may have been OK #myopiniononly.

What next KP unfit because of deflated ego? 

Footy didn't go too well last night for Brum as they lost to Stoke. It was a goal packed game ending 4-4 and then they lost 2-4 on penalties. And there was a red card for the boys too, but luckily not Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo. 

Well its a short on today as I am off to twirl my curls, put some slap on and don my besty Wednesday tiara before heading off to Super swanky Lady Lainey office and a day of looking super pretty!.




Tuesday, 29 October 2013

Oh well its Tueday












We seem to have missed the most of the storm here in the North East ( I hope) however it was a bit of ‘hairy’ drive to work yesterday, windscreen wipers not clearing the screen and actually driving blind apart from the car in fronts tail lights.. That is one drive I do not wish to repeat in a hurry. We then had a day of sunshine and showers and actually warm………..outside, in super swanky Lady lainey office it was freezing cold and even with 7 heaters going full blast it took until 3pm to get the office to ‘room temperature’!!!!!


Met cousin Sir Steve of Wilkinson in Lady Laineyworkville yesterday, he is off to stay with Aunt Mollie in Perth and going to the test. He will however have his lady in tow which will cut down the amount of gallivanting and ‘fair maid’ rescuing that he does whilst out there. She looked less than pleased with the talk of cricket #philistine.

Well The Ego has landed, yes KP is in Oz with the rest of the team after being allowed to fly out later on compassionate grounds. He joined the boys whooping it up at the beach in Cottesloe  beach. And all I can say is they are whiter than milk bottles. Hope that they had sunblock otherwise there will be some very sore bodies today!
Chris Tremlett is 'aiming high' in these tests he says.He say his target is to dominate Australian skipperClarke. I do not hold much faith in Tremlett as I have often reported. but wish him well on the tour and hope that he shines.

I know that all the reporting on 'he said this' and 'he said that' is all a war of words to boost the sides. However I do feel that the Australians on their home turf may not be such an easy ride for England #onlytimewilltell

After the shock news that the gorgeous Simon Jones was retiring from cricket with the exception of T20, it is reported that Glamorgan have not given him a T20 contract for next season ( 'damn and blast!!!' Lady Lainey). Hugh Morris said that they wished him well and hoped that he found a contact in this form of the game. Now this might explain some very 'odd' tweets over the weekend!


Tonight Birmingham are in League Cup action at home to Stoke. Its to be hoped that no yellow cards make an appearance!.


So today in the cold ( and yes it is very cold) I am trudging my way to super swanky Lady Lainey office in my thermals, I hope those boys have my coffee on the desk!!!!!!




Monday, 28 October 2013

Silence




After the blowiest day ever yesterday ( yes it was so strong that it nearly blew I, Lady Lainey off my Jimmy Choo's in Tesco carpark) I am wishing that I was sitting on a plane and staring out of the window watching the cold weather disappear...........however it is not to be and I am going to super freezing Lady Lainey office instead, Its no compensation sitting with my boys ( Job the Jolly, Pony Paul and Trill Boy). There have to be better ways to earn a crust????

Before the Ashes series has started England have found out that they will be playing New Zealand at the start of their ICC World T20 campaign, in Bangladesh in March. Also in Group A with them are Sri Lanka, and South Africa ( hope Du Plessis has elastic trousers by then). The final will take place on 6th April.

Lovely Tyke Joe Root has been speaking about the fact that he may not be in the top batting order. Root had been moved up the order to open with Cook this summer, but this could be in question for the First Test. Joe said 'the top order must do better if we are to retain the Ashes'. It does look as if Root will be back in his No 6 spot.!

Now as you all know I Lady Lainey know nothing about football but I do have a soft spot for Nando Torres, and seeing him score yesterday was brilliant. He has taken a lot of criticism in the press ( not in 'Tales from the Boundary though) since he left Liverpool. Good to see him scoring again.

And talking about football there was a little match up here yesterday where the men in Red and white beat the men in Black and White???????? Not sure what that's all about #wayovermyprettyhead


Zzzzzzzzzz F1 yesterday what can I say Vettel won and also took the title for the fourth time. The lean mean crashing machine that is Romain Grosjean came in 3rd and Vive La France!!!!. Baron Button was 14th!!!!!


I met Pauly Paul top cricket mate in Tesco yesterday ( yes surprisingly I do not always shop at 'Fortnum and Mason'). I think that he is turning into a secret chef!!! Hope I get some rhubarb crumble!!!

All is quiet outside, I have been up since 5.55am, as it has been blowing a gale all night. Went downstairs to make my first ( of many) cup of coffee and realised that I still hadn't changed the bedside clock it was only 4.55am. To say that I will be cranky later today is an understatement. And no wonder it was so quiet even the birds hadn't got up yet!!!!!


Oh well with well over an hour to kill before I head off to have my weekly Monday freezing session in Super Swanky Lady Lainey office, think I will have another coffee and some weetabix!

Oh nearly forgot, Happy Brithday Henry have a wonderful party and hope the grown ups behave!





Sunday, 27 October 2013

Gained an hour???????




Well it is now officially winter, the clocks went back an hour last night and we should all be feeling rested from that...........................yeah right wide awake at 5am ( on my bedside clock which I had forgotten to change) so been up since 4AM!!!!! yes I sure feel rested and there is BIG storm on the way, flipping heck I hate winter!.

Well it was a 'strange' day in LT Towers II yesterday. firstly the tap 'fixed' itself. I went to turn it on and see how little water trickled out, and it fair gushed down the sink ( quick switch off now I am on metered water!), then the new loo seat was the wrong colour. Thank you Tesco Direct!. And then after having a little stroll around Lady Laineyville town centre with Dame  Didi ( that took about 5 minutes!). I came home and was busy doing 'housey' things. well my mobile rang the number was not one that I knew so I answered...


Man  Hi do you fancy going away next weekend?

Lady Lainey ( super excited but no idea who 'man' is) Oh yes please I would love to.

Long silence

Man   Oh sorry I seem to have got the wrong number!!!

oh well I thought, at least I had an offer.

10 minutes later same number rings back


Man  Hi do you fancy going away next weekend?

Lady Lainey ( trying not to sound too eager) Oh yes please I would really like that

not so long silence

Man So sorry I think I have the wrong number again.

Now after relating this story to a friend it appears that I was 'way too easy' and should have played hard to get. Ah well its the man's loss he will never know the weekend he could have had with Lady Lainey.


It's looking good down under as top Tyke Tim Bresnan could well be fit to play in the first test. Bresnan hasn't played since the Durham test where he suffered a stress fracture to his back which knocked him out for the remainder of the season. It's a bit of a 'wait and see' how his back holds up but I for one have everything crossed that he will be fit.

After the 'ball tampering' row yesterday South Africa beat Pakistan to tie the series. This helped South Africa to preserve their seen year unbeaten away record.

And now to footy. Well it was a good day for The Blades who won 3-1 against Crewe. And a good day for their new manager Nigel Clough. he is safe in his job for another week!.

HOWEVER The Mighty Whites lost to Huddersfield so that will have been a miserable drive home. And Birmingham drew with Derby, where sadly 4 yellow cards were dished out to Brum including one to Rt Hon hooligan Robbo. up to his old tricks again!!!


Well the sun is shining and no sign of the predicted storm.............or is this the calm before!!

off to batten down the hatches and get the torches out.

Hope that my electric isn' t knocked out or I might not see you tomorrow!!!!




Saturday, 26 October 2013

Seaside Saturday?





So today the plans were to pack up a picnic and go to Seaton Carew ( not with my canoe!) and have a walk along the beach and blow the cobwebs away...............but first I have to replace the loo seat and fix the washer on the tap, await the grand arrival of Dame Didi, take the Dame Didi Daimler to 'Tim'll Fix it' no doubt get 'french kissed' by Benji the Border collie ( best not to talk and bend down when he is around) and do 'lunch' shopping for 'the office boys'. Will I have time to flipping well fit in a trip to the sea and have a nap, well we will just have to see how the day pans out.


Oh dear the ball tampering row has returned and this time South Africa are in the spotlight. They have been penalised five points after play back showed Faf Du Plessis rubbing the ball  over the zip of his trousers!!!!!! Firstly why are his trousers not elasticated and secondly who is to say that he didn't have a 'little itch'. After all Mike Atherton only 'had a bit of dirt in his pocket'!!!

Also in cricket England bowling coach David Saker has signed a contract to 2015. This was announced as the team arrived in Perth.The contract will see Saker through The World T20 and the World Cup.


Football today sees


The Mighty Whites v Huddersfield ( not too far to travel

Birmingham City v Derby

The Blades v Crewe

Good luck to all the boys and I am expecting a win from The Blades.


This weekend see only the third time that the F1 bandwagon has rolled into India. LH has been talking about his times in India and the poverty. I Lady Lainey, have been there and I have seen it myself however no one man can make a difference to the whole country. India is a country of extremes ( as are most countries) and poverty goes hand in hand with extreme wealth. Highlighting it is a great way to get publicity. However here in the UK there is mass unemployment, poverty, and homelessness. #charitybeginsathome.

so endeth the Saturday rant!!!!!


Flipping heck 7.57am and I have been on my soap box already!!!!

Well time to don my work clothes and get to the jobs in hand, and if you are reading this form the warmth of your bed, GET UP!!!!!!


Bye until tomorrow!!!

Friday, 25 October 2013

TGI F(Ryan)day



So it is F(ryan)day again and the end of the working week here in baby booming super swanky Lady Lainey office. What a flipping week it has been, broken nail, sleep in, way too much coffee and having to do some work…………I am super ready for the weekend.

But before all that kicks off lets see what has been going on in the crazy world of cricket…………………not very much, I feel the need to start some rumours!!!!

 However this is true,Richie Benaud was  involved in a car crash in Sydney. He suffered chest and leg injuries.

Well the ‘boys’ arrived in Australia to a war of words from journalists down under, Their summer antics being brought to the fore once again! I think that this ‘weely’ has to be put to rest now!! And it’s to be hoped that they keep on the straight and narrow whilst they are down under. No one likes a naughty boy!!!

(although on the other hand.........)


There is still news coming in from around the county cricket circuit, Champions of the world Durham have secured Usman Arshad for another two years after a great start to his first class career.He formerly captained the 2nd XI BUT was born in Yorkshire ( all the best people are you know).

Poor old Derbyshire, not only were they relegated at the end of the season, they have now only gone and parted company with their batting coach David Haughton.. This is all down to cost cutting measures. Its to be hoped that  they don't get John Morris back cheaply!!!( the food bill will be sky high!).

Over in La belle France the French footballers are not a happy lot of chappies. they are going on strike in November. This is over the new 'super tax' row which is being imposed on players wages. it will actually affect the clubs rather than the players. The clubs will be forced to pay 75% of the tax rate for players annual salaries that exceed one million euro.

Wonder when they will bring this in here #toomuchmoneyinthegame

This weekend  sees the Indian Grand Prix, I have not be really mentioning F1 a lot. mainly because 'my boy' has failed to impress me this season ( believe me it doesn't take a lot to impress me!). I would just like to see Baron Button on the podium, its not a lot to ask is it????

I have seen exactly what I would like for my birthday, it is a 59 carat pink  star diamond ring, it is only a trifling £40 million, so I don't expect it gift wrapped! its very pretty!!!!!!

And now as I set off for the final day of the week in super swanky Lady Lainey office, I can't wait for the excitement that the weekend holds for me......................putting my new loo seat on for starters. its all 'fun, fun, fun'' here at LT Towers II

Thursday, 24 October 2013

I love babies!!!

Lady Lainey when she was a 'Tiny Tyke'


Babies have been a hot topic in super swanky Lady Lainey office, this week, with 'pictures' of yet to be born babies being shown with pride. However yesterday was the big day for 'super' baby Prince George of Cambridge as it was his christening. A small and select gang turned up for the event. Well it was Wednesday and surely some of them wouldn't be able to get time off work!!!!!

And with babies in mind, The Blades named their new manager yesterday and it is none other than 'baby' Clough, yes Nigel is the new manager. It really will be 'The Damned United' all over again but this time a little bit further south in Yorkshire.
Clough who was sacked by Derby County in September replaces David Weir. Good luck to them this weekend too when a win is expected!.

Wisden named there all time top World XI yesterday and SHOCK, GASP, HORROR, only one of Iady Lainey's 'faves' are in there ( Malcolm Marshall). however Shane Warne did make the XI but I am guessing before new hair, face and teeth!!!.

A picture was published of the England team all ready for Australia and suited and booted. I have to say that Michael Carberry carried off his outfit very well, unlike KP who looked like he had been dragged through a hedge backwards!!!.

However KP will not be travelling to Australia with the rest of the team and will arrive on Sunday having been given compassionate leave by the ECB.

Alistair Cook has said that they need to 'look after' Monty Panesar whilst they are in Australia, well judging by the flipping shenanigans of the season, it will be a tough job. to be honest he is (supposed) to be a grown up and should be looking to bring the Ashes home not having everyone playing mother hen to him. #shouldn'thavebeenselected  #mythoughtsonly


After the news of The Vatican XI Joe Scuderi tweeted me to say that he hadn't been involved in the set up ( what !!!!) although he did bless them!!! Top Italian coach is Joe!!

Well after a flying visit to see Tzarina Katerina ( KIKI!!!), I came home last night tired and hungry. My days are getting longer and longer as the hours of daylight are getting chuffing shorter!

Tonight is a visit to the birds nest controller, otherwise known as Jackie the orange curl whizz, hopefully she will be able to do something to contain the afro which at the moment has a mind of its own!

So now it is time to race off in Lady Lainey limo and wish everyone a good day. Hopefully 'Bad Granda' will not be tying tiny whirlwind to the towel rail or a garden post today!




Wednesday, 23 October 2013

Wellies today



So I selected some boots to wear today and ten looked out of the window!!! yes a lovely 'puddle' at the bottom of my drive so 'the hunters' are the order of the day!! Flipping weather it is to wet and too cold!!

Well as the England Ashes teams set off today to Australia they will not be thinking about rain, but sunshine!!!, now if only I had been able to smuggle myself into someone luggage!!!
They are playing warm up matches in Perth, Hobbart and Sydney before the first test start in Brisbane on 21st November.

There will be a news conference today at 5.45pm at Heathrow.


The ECB yesterday named 11 players who had been given central contracts of which Root and Bresnan were two. These contracts form part of a six year deal with the Players Union, which could give England players more time to take part in the IPL ( woohooo KP will be ecstatic!) MOST England players have struggled to get a contract in the IPL ( KP never seems to have!) due to it clashes with the domestic international season. However this is going to be looked at year on year.


Well this is something that I never thought that I would be writing about.............but the Vatican has launched is own cricket club, which is an initiative launched to help form ties with teams of other faiths. St Peters Cricket Club was launched with tea and cucumber sandwiches ( what no Lady Lainey baps???), although the Pope has declared that he prefers football!!!!!!


The team for the Vatican is of course made up of Priest and Seminarians who played cricket in their home countries. And it is also rumoured to be setting up a Ladies XI.

I wonder if top Italian coach @JoeScuderi1 has been involved in this in any way????

It is very quiet at the moment in both super swanky Lady Lainey office and here at LT Towers I, mainly due to the fact that it is so flipping dark when I get home that I just go to bed.

It's been a funny old year with my friends. After a friend of over 30 years doing the most unspeakably unkind thing to me at Easter, I now have another friend who is 'taking charge' of my life for my own good!!!! Time to hot foot it to France me thinks, and not leave a forwarding address

However I will have a lot of packing to do before I can go ( most especially shoes and handbags and tiaras).

So guess for today I  will drive off down the A1 to Lady laineyworkville and chill out at my desk with copious amounts of coffee whilst 'winding' the boys up

bon Journee






Tuesday, 22 October 2013

Well, Well, Well



So I heard a little rumour a couple of weeks ago and you know me I DO NOT GOSSIP!!! ( well OK not all the time) so I  kept it to myself and then low and behold it is not a rumour. What is it I hear you all asking????

Well I heard that 2014 may well be the last season that Paul Collingwood plays for Durham and yesterday it was revealed on The ECB website, that it may well be. After 68 tests, 197 ODI's as well as captaining Durham to the top of Division one this season , he says that he may hang up his pads.

Now as regular readers will know I am not the greatest fan of Mr Collingwood having witnessed 'strops' and rudeness which do not go down well in my book. However I will not take away from him that he has played a great role in the England and Durham team, and if he does call it a day what will he be doing next............not another TV pundit ( heaven forbid it is torture watching Harmy!!!).

Sadly for Otis Gibson, yesterday Glamorgan announced that their new head coach is Toby Radford. He is currently  assistant coach and batting coach for the West Indies. I personally am gutted that Otis was overlooked however, let the rumour mill roll, is there a place for him elsewhere??????


NORTH EAST WEATHER WATCH


At the moment it is dark, wet and flipping freezing ( I even had fluffy socks on in bed last night!). So today it will be wise to take an umbrella, wrap up warm and if you can, just stay in the house ( preferably until March). If you have to go out ( or to super swanky Lady Lainey office like me) then wear as many layers as you can without looking like the Michelin man.


Well talking about super swanky Lady Lainey office, would you 'Adam and Eve' it, Trill Boy has only been with us two weeks and has just announced that he is going to be a Daddy in May next year. Flipping heck!!!! Well I am down for baby sitting, I love babies.

And if you are baby sitting today make sure you have three weetabix and get your running shoes on!!

So as I head out into the wind and rain, I hope that you all have a good day.

Monday, 21 October 2013

Another week begins!



Another week begins and another handbag sort out happened. No wonder I have a bad back!!!! lugging all that around day in day out!! At least it is (slightly) lighter now.

So what has been happening else where, well Ian Botham has taken a bit of time off from fishing and wine glugging to add fuel to the Ashes, saying that England can win the series 5-0. Well as you know I Lady Lainey never like to predict a score ( as it is usually wrong) and I hate to put too much pressure on anyone, however I do think that Sir Loin of Beef is possibly being a little too hopeful. He states that England are 'Red hot' favourites to win and that with Australia struggling for bowlers England are favourites.
Now I do not believe that you should judge anything until the first couple of matches are out of the way. So we will see if Beefy's prediction is true. and I wonder how much he has put on England?????

Andrew Stauss meanwhile is predicting 3-1 to England. Lets see what Michael Vaughan, Nick Knight, Nasser Hussein and Uncle Tom Cobley come up with!!!!!

Some good news from New Zealand, Jesse Ryder who was left in a medically induced coma  a few months ago after being assaulted on a night out, will return to first class cricket. Ryder also had  been banned form cricket for 6 months after the assault as he was shown to have tested positive for two banned stimulants.
Ryder is now putting 'the worst year of his life' behind him and hoping to prove himself back in the game.

Englands woman have not been having a great time and are now on a 11 defeat run after losing to the West Indies in the  T20 tri series.They lost 7 wickets for 14 runs. They are back in action tomorrow against New Zealand.


Well my hopes for a draw yesterday  in the 'BIG' match in footy was not to be.
The Mighty Whites completely destroyed Birmingham City 4-0. Luckily  cousin Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo was not 'carded' ( that's not to say he wasn't involved in any 'frays'). And as Birmingham are just above the relegation zone, my message to Robbo is ' Get them boys spoken to severely! and win next time'. Team talk over!!!


NORTH EAST WEATHER WATCH

Yes its that time of the year again where I give my daily weather report from the North of Blighty. Well as it is flipping pitch black outside and I cannot here wind or rain, I am guessing that it is going to be a fair day, however best to have umbrellas with you at all times judging by the past couple of days.


So now as I head off to super swanky Lady Lainey office, I wonder what the week holds for me, well after my 'crash course' in an on line training system on Friday afternoon, not a good week I suspect. Oh well hope my coffee is on my desk!!!!




Sunday, 20 October 2013

Lady Lainey has a lie in



Yes its time to lie in bed and write my blog as I am flipping tired this morning. We had the mother of all storms here last night with thunder and lightning, and torrential rain, my goodness me it was enough to make my orange curls stand on end ( or at the worst turn into an orange afro!).

In fact it has been a pretty grim weekend so good job that I have nothing planned for today..................except for  a spot of shopping and then putting more of my rubbish treasures on eBay to hopefully make a small space here at the Towers.

I India they have not been having a problem with lack of sunshine and as such Australia decided that it was a good day to win.James Faulkner steering them home with a  cracking 64 from 29 balls. He set  a new Australian ODI record when he hit 30 from one over.
The fourth match takes place on Wednesday

In the world of footy.......................................

....................praise be!!!! The Blades won a match, oh yes indeed they did, winning 2-1 against Port Vale.This was their first win since the opening weekend of the season and hopefully puts to bed the woes of the past few weeks.This win has managed to lift the Blades out of the very tightly congested relegation zone.Chuffing good job too!!!

However today is another matter when I, Lady Lainey will have to be on the fence again!! ( flipping heck I will have splinters in my posterior at this rate!!!) as The Mighty Whites take on Birmingham City ( captained by cousin Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo). I am hoping for a draw which will not make the teams happy but will suit me down to the ground. i am also hoping that Rt Hon Hooligan gets through 90 minutes without

1. Getting a card of any colour
2. Getting sent off
3. Getting caught elbowing in the back when the Ref's not looking


In preparation for this big match I am going to watch 'The Damned United' at lunchtime, oh the 'olden days'.

So as I pull the duvet over my head to try to have 40 more winks, I wish you all a Super Sunday and for those of you reading who have been up since the crack of dawn and are now playing 'Run with Meeeee', I hope that you get the chance of a nap this afternoon.


Bon Journee


Saturday, 19 October 2013

Tales from the fence

Well as the cricket season is now well and truly over I decided to have a look back on how it was for I, Lady Lainey.

It started for me in February when I decided to no longer be the most glamorous tea lady on the circuit. I know that my ‘baps’ were the talk of the League (and further a field!!!!). The love of cricket over the love of making cheese and pickle sarnies at 6.30am on Saturday and Sunday mornings meant that I would get to see my beloved team ………………well who is it to be!!!

As regular readers will know, I was born in Yorkshire and raised in Co Durham so although a very long standing Durham member, I still support my Tykes and have to sit on the fence when they play each other( sometimes I am more to one side of the fence than the other! #coyt)

March saw the Tykes out in Barbados, topping up their tans and having a little game of cricket.
Then it was back to Blighty ready for the start of the season.

That was when ‘Knickergate’ happened; yes the shock on the face of I Lady Lainey at the sight of his Royal Ryanness on the opening page of the Yorkshire website……….. in the dressing room………… in his purple undies. #screensavernow

And that was just the start of the season, how could it get any better??????!!!

Well, I won a 150th Anniversary Yorkshire shirt so was super jolly excited by that, but thought it best not to wear it around April 24-26 when…………………..

…………..I Lady Lainey had taken 3 days holiday from work ( every flipping day is a holiday for you- Job the Jolly) to go and see Durham v Yorkshire at The Riverside ( OK, OK Emirates Durham ICG!). It was chuffing cold and I was feeling a little under the weather, however I was soon brightened up by his Royal Ryanness fielding straight in front of my seat on the boundary. Thinking that it was the sight of Ryan bending down ( frequently) in front of me that was making my heart beat very very fast I soldiered on Well you would wouldn’t you????.

Day two was wet and horrible and I, Lady Lainey was feeling decidedly poorly, seriously over beating heart, headaches, temperature, the whole flipping lot, so I stayed at home.
Friday saw Mr Funky tip up at the match briefly and sit beside me, whilst I was unable to take any of it in for feeling so ill. I left just after lunch to go home to bed. You can see that I was really ill, to miss one day of the match is bad enough to go home mid way through….welll!!!!!!
Didn’t make Saturday, as even though I was not well I was attending the wedding of cousin The Great Gibson. ( you can’t beat a good wedding, and I had a NEW OUTFIT to wear so that couldn’t go to waste!!!!) and to be honest I wish I had been there to see Joe Root score 182. Top tiny tyke

Result from the match Yorkshire won by 4 wickets……and I Lady lainey totally knocked out with very serious viral infection ( which was to raise its ugly heart beating head again before the season was out).

May saw some good weather and lots of days to enjoy cricket at former besty home county of Durham.
Yorkshire hosted Derbyshire and the one and only Chesney Hughes fell 4 runs short of equalling Derbys highest first class score, I was keeping up on Twitter and sadly he only made 270 (only!!). I am sure that even hardened Yorkshire supporters were egging him on. Great playing though.
It was also the 50th birthday of Mr Funky the Chauffeur and we had a jolly splendid tea watching Durham v Middlesex.


Bank Holiday Monday saw Durham playing Derbyshire, and I was relatively well behaved for a Bank Holiday! OK maybe not that well behaved but I do like wine and Guinness !!!( not in the same glass though)


June started with Yorkshire taking on Nottinghamshire at Scarbados, Mr Funky got thrown off the Christmas card list by saying that we weren’t going!!!!!! So I did a spot of tiling at home. Well it couldn’t be that difficult to do, if boys do it!!!!!
I Lady Lainey managed to get through a few matches without even having a sniff from the wine bottle. ( had a few glugs though!!!!! ‘Job the Jolly’ ).
We also went to watch Durham take on Lancashire and I managed to get a new picture for my (yet unpublished) book ‘Cricketers Posteriors’. Oliver Newby will never want to be Twelfth man again!!!!


July was busy with T20 matches, not a favourite of I Lady Lainey, but any cricket is better than no cricket.
So we turned out to see Durham v Notts on 5th July and then on 12th July on a scorching hot evening we went to see Durham v Yorkshire ( makes a change from the torrential rain that usually happens when Yorkshire come for T20).
I took my seat with Mr Funky and Pauly Paul on the boundary and His Royal Ryanness was only flipping fielding right in front of me, so I whipped out my camera and pointed, well, he turned round and smiled. I got all flustered and nearly dropped my blinking camera!!!!!

The match was a good one. Phil Mustard hit 91 off 52 balls to make Durham’s highest individual T20 score!!!
The end of the month saw I Lady Lainey taking afternoons off from super swanky Lady Lainey office and walking down to Darlington CC to see Durham 2nd XI in action against Leicester 2nd’s. I love 2nd XI cricket, you get to see up and coming cricketers and if you are really lucky (at Darlington) get to sit very close to a rat. (and not be told until after the event!!)

Yorkshire were leading Division one so I was flipping over the moon.

August was going to be a good month. I, Lady Lainey went off to friends birthday celebrations in London on T20 final day (not a good day for former besty home county in the South, Hampshire), met up with besty ex (Hants)bowler friend JJ and by the time I got back to the North of Blighty, the heart racing, temperature spiking, and dizziness was in full flow again..
After much panicking and swallowing of tablets, by the end of the week all seemed to have settled down.

His Royal Ryanness over took Daddy Sidebottom in the wicket taking stakes. Great achievement.

The Bank Holiday saw two days at Chester le Street, with Sunday seeing Lady Lainey very demure and well behaved and then Bank Holiday Monday seeing Lady Lainey and Job the Jolly (whom she had obtained tickets for) drunk as skunks and having a wild old time, only to both suffer for it on Tuesday in super swanky Lady Lainey office.

After getting cheesed off with work, I ,Lady Lainey decamped to Chateau Saltburn and drove everyday to Scarbados for the Scarborough Festival which this year was a showdown………..yes Yorkshire V Durham. I was planning to don my Yorkshire shirt and cheer extra loudly for The Tykes ( well Durham were in the dressing room furthest away from Lady Lainey). I was happily snapping His Royal Ryanness’s posterior when someone sat next to me……………….…….oh no rumbled!!!!! Only Daddy Rushworth, sitting next to Lady Lainey, who was by this time on the fence again!!!

Great days of cricket, amazing number of runs and wickets falling here there and every flipping where, sunshine, seagulls, lots of chocolate,suntan and great company.
This was test match cricket at the seaside!!
Super polite young man Jamie Harrison bowling well, Chris Rushworth bowling brilliantly and his Royal Ryanness, well what more can I say!


Durham won a very hard fought match and I drove back to Saltburn wanting to see the whole match all over again.


High Point of Scarborough Festival

Gillespie the Gallant speaking to me in the street, and me in my sunglasses too, how on earth did he recognise me????? Top bloke, top coach.



And then it was September, time to pack my case to go home to La Belle France for fun and champagne swilling galore with the sister, Dame Didi. This had been booked since last year so I never envisaged what was going to occur!

Mr Funky the chauffeur had sent a text as I arrived in France to say that it was not looking good for my Tykes. Durham were going to be in action at home and the Championship was looking cut and dried.
Thursday 19th September dawned with Dame Didi and I having a little drive out to Challans (‘They have a C & A’- Dame Didi, ‘But is there a bar?’- Lady Lainey)

And then the merde hit the fan as my phone went into melt down, texts, phone calls galore,

Do you know that they haven’t started playing yet?’

Do you think that this is an omen?’

Do you know what time the umpires are doing an inspection?’


For the love of god I was 1,000 miles away and the only thing on my mind was what time the Pastis was being poured! Then I got THE call to say that Durham had done it.

Twitter was in chaos, pictures flooding through and messages of congratulations. Gillespie the Gallant sending a message of congratulations to Durham, which proved what a great sportsman he is.

People tweeting and texting me in my native French tongue!!! Wow I was jolly impressed!!!

Well The Dame and I celebrated the win in the usual French way , getting totally squiffy on the terrace and then invading the neighbours garden crawling commando style over the lawns and spotting naked shower guy ( OK we didn’t really do THAT this year), but we did get jolly squiffy!!!!



His Royal Ryanness confirmed his allegiance to Yorkshire for another couple of seasons meaning that I get more photo opportunities and he gets to try to make 700 first class wickets!.

Durham and Yorkshire had one more match to play the week that I came home from France.
Durham were in Sussex and although they appeared tired ( and probably still hungover) they made a real match of it.. I was kept up to date on all things to do with Brighton, especially cost of ice cream, how nice the cake was, how hot the weather was, ….. Thanks Joe I was cooped up in super swanky Lady Lainey office feeling very sorry for myself.

Yorkshire were down in London taking on Surrey who were already relegated to Division 2 and had not had a great season. However 18 year old player Dom Sibley made the end of the season his own by scoring a double century and being a Surrey history maker.

And then it was over for another year.
Durham were champions, Yorkshire were second (but still my champions), and it had to have been one of the best seasons I, Lady Lainey have had.

Thank you to both counties for making it so exciting!

Lady Lainey’s Champagne moment of the season,

Well it was hard to choose one (and super surprisingly Ryan is not included!!!), so I had to pick two.

Joe Root being hugged by his brother Billy after his test century at Lords #notadryeyeintheTowers

Henry sneezing on his daddy, Chris Rushworth, who was being interviewed after Durham won the County Championship.


After a few weeks of serious nail biting from I Lady Lainey. Gillespie the Gallant confirmed on Twitter that although his initial contract with Yorkshire was for 2 years ( expires 15th November 2013), he is not going anywhere, he is staying!!!


I can hardly wait for next year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, 18 October 2013

Another F(ryan)day dawns




And it is a bright day today, as the electrician arrived last night ( as he said he would) and replaced my kitchen light ( as he said he would ) and then is coming back tonight to 'move the light in the Boot Room. Woooohoooo finally  I no longer have to cook by the light of the gas cooker ( or candles), or as it used to be, with a 'disco effect' light!

One job ticked off the list, it may spur me on to do more things in LT Towers II.


World cricket has been busy since yesterday with news that former Australian fast bowler, Craig McDermott, has been recalled to coach the back room staff ahead of the winters Ashes tour. The first match of which starts on 21st November in Brisbane.  Mc Dermott has been working as bowling coach for  Ireland since last year. Just looked at a picture of him, is he really 48???? ( hard paper round!)

In Abu Dhabi, Pakistan  ended South Africa's 15 match  unbeaten run with a seven wicket victory in the first test. Pakistan have not been playing well of late so this win will be a huge boost to them in their 'adopted' home in the UAE ( wouldn't we all like to have our adopted home there??).


Bits of news form around the counties, Lancashire have stated that Simon Katich is  considering a return to the club.

Surrey's fast bowler Stuart Meaker is set to have surgery over the winter to repair a knee injury. The problem causes the 24 year old to miss a substantial part of the season.

Scotland international; Matt Machin has signed a two year deal with  Sussex. The 22 year old came through the clubs academy and scored his maiden first class century this season.

This is a really short one today but prepare for the 'mother' of all blogs tomorrow.

I have to scoot off to super swanky Lady Lainey office now to work jolly hard...........................well maybe do an hour or so, just to keep the boys from moaning. ( yes I let them have a little moan now and again).

Then home to have more light in the Towers and its the flipping weekend. Its all going on, parties, art exhibitions, shopping, napping.
Can't wait!


Thursday, 17 October 2013

Rain, Rain and more rain




Well it rained yesterday, and then it rained some more, and whilst some of us like nothing better than splashing around in muddy puddles I, Lady Lainey do not like the rain for various reason

1. I have to wear shoes and not pretty sandals
2. I have to wear big anoraks to keep dry
3. I end up with an orange afro
4. I only like sunshine!!!!!

And there is not a lot of it to be seen of late, just grey skies and rain!!!!

Sunshine is something that is not missing over in Jaipur where India hit 362-1 in the ODI against Australia, this was the second highest run chase in one day internationals , as they beat the Australians by 9 wickets to level the series. The Australians are not having a great time of it and Pauly Paul, The Duke of Adelaide and I were discussing this in depth on Twitter ( well the boys were I was in bed reading my book!).

All change at the ECB and sadly no Lady Lainey appointed. I tell you there would be major changes if I was 'The King of cricket'. However good luck to Paul Downton ( not of the Abbey fame !!) who has been named as MD. Andrew Strauss and Nasser Huussain were both linked to the job but the role went else where and I think that Downton has his work cut out and I don't envy him at all!!!!

There is a bit of  a fight going on with clubs trying to sign the bouncers best friend Monty Panesar. Essex are in the running but say that there are a couple of other clubs interested ( I heard that Shildon BR and Newton Aycliffe are interested, he would have a field day over here on a Friday night!!!).
Its to be hoped that Monty puts his troubles behind him and makes the new season and which ever club he goes to, a new start.


Trouble afoot at Chateau Saltburn where Dame Didi is hoping not to have the prodigal son return. Yes Lord Christophe is not happy in 'Ull and wants to come home. No one to pick up his dirty undies and cook his dinner!! Well its to be hoped that he stays put as he is in line to design LT Towers III in la Belle France and I don't want it done by 'half a job Bob'.


Hopefully I will have the kitchen light fixed tonight, cooking by candle light might seem romantic but I have the knife cuts to prove otherwise. it is looking promising as he phoned last night to make the final arrangements. Fingers ( covered in 'Barbie' plasters) crossed!!!





Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Mid week




So it's Wednesday already and nearly time to hit the A1 to Lady lainey workville, with only a few days to go until it is the weekend and I can do lots of ...........nothing. See I am planning my time very carefully!!!


Well knock me down with a feather, after the sighting of Otis Gibson on the players balcony at Chester le Street, and the hint of a rumour that he would be coming to coach the champions ( OK I started it and there was no foundation to the said rumour). The West Indian head coach is only in the running for a possible job as coach of Glamorgan. The club have been looking for a new coach since the departure of Matthew Mott.
Gibson played two seasons for Glamorgan.
The final round of interviews will take place next Tuesday so it will be interesting to see if Gibson is on his way back to Blighty. I suppose that Glamorgan is a bit chuffing warmer than Durham, and these West Indian boys do not like the cold!!!!
Robert Croft and Steve Watkins are also in the running for the position.

Good news for Scotland as Kyle Coetzner is fit to return to the squad in time for the  World T20 qualifiers in the  UAE. A wrist injury)???) has kept him out of the squad for recent international matches and he is excited to be back inthe team and the challenges that lie ahead. Wow the super new 'fizzio' at Scotland has been working his magic!.

However Freddie Coleman and Calvin Burnett are not able to travel with the team, due to university and work commitments ( boo to the boss!!)

Sad news for the Queen an prince Philip as the Royal train is about to be scrapped. Judging by the pictures in the paper today it should have been scrapped back in the '60's. She is a Queen you know!!!

And there was a jolly game of footy last night ( not that I watched it). And England are on their way to Brazil. Phew what a relief I thought that Coleen Rooney was going to miss out on another jolly!!!!

Well gang it is a short one today as I am off to super swanky Lady Lainey office to freeze my flipping 'what nots' off as mean tight fisted landlord has still not put on the central heating. Well thermals can look smart for office wear!!!

have a great day what ever you are doing.





Tuesday, 15 October 2013

The Wondeful Bruce Ritchie



It is truly hard to believe that it is a year since we lost the wonderful Bruce Ritchie. One of the most interesting men that I have ever  known, and a true cricket fan. Would he have made the journey to Chester le Street to see England take on Australia this year, well I would like to think that he would. He often talked about the ground as it was the nearest test arena  to him after he retired back to Scotland.

As many of his friends will know, he not only left everyone with a great memories of his love of English, cricket and digestive biscuits, but also left a legacy in the books that he collected over the years.

One year on Bruce is still fondly remembered and greatly missed.

In the world of cricket Surrey have signed the Sri Lankan coach Graham Ford. After a terrible season this year they are hoping that he will steer them back to Division one. Surrey parted company with their first team coach and director in June this year and seem to have struggled since.
Ford will take up his post  in February and will work alongside Alec Stewart.


Super polite young man Jamie Harrison has been writing about Durham winning the county championship. Quite interesting reading from the young bowler who finally got his chance to make his mark with the first team.
http://www.ecb.co.uk/news/articles/title-success-was-stuff-dreams-harrison

Will there soon be a new edition to LT Towers II????? Will there be the clatter of tiny spikes???? The sound of leather on willow??? Well thanks to Mr Rushworth there very well might be.








The extensive grounds of LT Towers II is becoming a bit of a 'gnome home'.


And now I am about to  set off to super swanky Lady Lainey office , to look pretty for 7 hours and file my nails ( you think I work????). It s a hard life!!!

' I have prepared for the worst case scenario, but it could be even worse than that'
prophetic words following his behaviour this season, from Monty Panesar.

A bientot.








Monday, 14 October 2013

It's flipping freezing


PD Kaizer takes his handler for a walk





yes its flipping freezing here in Lady Laineyville and dark and rainy, my first thoughts, get back under the duvet!!! then I thought about the hard working Police Dogs who go out rain or shine. this weekend PD Kaizer has been very busy indeed and doing great things around County Durham. To check out more of what the dogs are up to go to http://www.pawsup.org.uk/p/serving-dogs.html   Where apart from seeing the current working dogs you can also catch up with their mascot 'Bob' the globe trotting dog.You can also make enquiries about re homing a retired police dog. I bet they won't get into your bed when you are trying to make it, or take up all the sofa....................or will they??????

So which dog is the favourite of I,Lady Lainey???? well all of them, but I do have a soft spot for Dexter


Hopefully we will see them again next season at The Riverside ground putting on a display.


And talking about The Riverside side ( OK only in passing) the Durham boys are off to Buckingham Palace for a spot of lunch with Prince Philip. How flipping fabby is that????? They are going with the ladies who won the county championship title. bets are on for a comment on 'no balls'!!!!

Well the Blades were in action in Coventry yesterday and to be honest they might as well have stayed at home, as they lost 3-2. They parted company with their boss David Weir on Friday after a string of poor games and who is one of the front runners to replace him, only Nigel Clough!!!! It could be like the 'Damned United' all over again. #coyb!!!!
If all fails bring in Sir Sean of Bean he could teach them a few things, but probably nothing to do with football!!!!!

In Japan it was a sad day for France as Romain Grosjean did not make it over the winning line first, but did make it onto the podium in 3rd place after Webber and Vettel. And where was the Baron? well after being in 12th at 7.45am yesterday morning he managed to pull up to 9th place. Still not good enough Jenson, must try harder or get a better car!

After the sad news last week of the unexpected death of the very brave Maria De Villota, it has been revealed that her death was a direct result of the injuries she sustained in the horrific crash last year. A very sad end to her life.

So now time to head off to super swanky Lady Lainey office to be buried in paper work for another week and no doubt today to freeze to death as the mean old landlord won't have the heating on over the weekend!!! Thermal ahoy!!!!

And finally a big thank you to Dame Didi for helping me to clear some space in my wardrobe yesterday, hers will now be over flowing!!!!

Until tomorrow.................





Sunday, 13 October 2013

Lady Lainey makes a stand



So after lying around on the chaise longue, drinking wine and eating anything that I can get my sweaty mitts on , I,Lady Lainey am making a stand, with just over 5 months until the start of the cricket season, I am going to get fit. Now as you know I have in the past played cricket myself ( coached by the wonderful Harry Latchman, now I know why he went grey very quickly). Its not as if I am hoping to be selected for either my beloved Yorkshire or champions of the world Durham ( but Derbyshire and Surrey might be interested). However lying around all the time moaning about no cricket is not the way forward so, diet and exercise campaign starts today. ( also going out to Chateau Didi in April and do not fancy being harpooned by a passing whaling boat as I float around the swimming pool).

In the world of cricket the England players are trying to negotiate a pay rise which could nearly double their wages and smash through the one million pound barrier. Now I know that footballers earn much more than that. However some of the players are quite young and a 'too much too young' attitude must be looked at. you only have to look at the footballers who earned mega bucks and are now on the drink and drugs pile.
Keep it sensible.

So football today sees The blades travelling to Coventry, its to be hoped that they win!!!

Dane Didi will be glued to the TV now (7.42am )watching the remainder of the Japanese Grand prix, before getting into her racing car and flooring it over to LT Towers II, to cause havoc and chaos  for a couple of hours.

I am not watching it as I do no think that there is a hope in hell of Baron Button getting on the podium, will just check though..........he is in 12th place BUT LH is out and Romain Grosjean is leading!!!! Flipping heck, wonder who he took out to get there???


I thought that I would return to my favourite book of last year, the hilarious 'Bats, Balls and Bails' written by Les Scott.

so today we will be educated with cricket terms....

SWEEP  the funny one in 'The Sooty Show'

DECLARATION  the chance for the team that has made a good total to large it!

 LEG BREAK  to your smug satisfaction, what your friend who went on the skiing holiday you could not afford, comes home with

LEG THEORY theory put forward during the dressing room discussion as to what is physically preferable in a woman

APEAL  what happens to skin on a hot day should you not apply sunblock.

And finally today October 13th

1977 Gareth Batty ( stroppy cricketer) born

1987 West Undies score 360-4 in 50 over game against Sri Lanka ( those were the days!0

1925 Baroness Thatcher was born.

well off to get fit




Saturday, 12 October 2013

Lazy lie in







Well it is Saturday and I do get up at the crack of dawn every other day so today I had a little lie in until 7.15am!!!! I wasn't really even that tired as I went to bed quite early.

I am however going to go to Lady laineyville, shopping for lunches for 'boys' and then I am going to do some housework.....yes really.

Now as many of you will know I was going to have to make up some cricket gossip as there was not too much of it around. However you may have noticed that I steered well clear of the Twitter feud between KP ( OMG who would have thought it!) and Jack Wilshere. The summery is that only players from England should play for England. Well of course KP waded in ( born in South Africa)

I had carefully avoided saying anything about this as I think that everyone will have their own views on it. However when Pony Paul had read his 'newspaper'  ( and I use that term very loosely), I flicked to the back pages and read that Ian Wright had waded into the 'debate'. I do not see this dying down, but did notice that KP had (surprisingly) not been on Twitter whinging. I think I know who might win if those two got into a fight!!!!

And then KP was still causing waves on Twitter with the help of his good friend and chief banner waver Piers Morgan. This was over a clash with Andrew Strauss and IPL. My thoughts on this is that if they were real men they would square up to each other and clear the air.......but obviously they aren't!

Wow this is a ranty old blog today so lets move on to other things


I gave Dame Didi my birthday list last night and was knocked back straight away, I am not getting

1. Sir Sean of Bean
2. Eric Cantona  ( bugger I really was hoping for him!)
3. Any of the Yorkshire Cricket team ( restraining order problems)
4.A new handbag ( I have too many).

So it looks like I am getting a surprise!!!. I hate surprises!!!!!


I had a couple of emails from Lord Christophe over in 'Ull where he is studying very hard and not getting much sleep, I am wondering if he is trying to pull the wool over my eyes, is he out and about with.......GIRLS!!!!! I should flipping hope not or I will be on that M62 to get him sorted out!!

Oh well short and boring today........need cricket news.







Friday, 11 October 2013

yes it's F(ryan)day



Its the best day of the week, it is F(ryan)day, and bacon and egg butty day in super swanky Lady Lainey office (obvious why I am gaining more weight than a sumo before a fight).


So just when I had spent a whole day wracking my tiny brain cell trying to make up good cricket gossip, there was no need as legendary Indian batsman Sachin Tendulkar decided that he would make F(ryan)day easy for I, Lady Lainey and he announced his retirement.He will play his 200th test next month and then retire from all forms of cricket. Having made his debut at the age of 16, he is the only batsman to make 100 international centuries ( surely not!!! surely the motor mouth KP has done that twice over!!!). And talking about KP, he took to Twitter ( of course!) and hailed Tendulkar ' undisputed champion of cricket'  whilst having his fingers crossed and muttering under his breath 'after me of course!' #myversionofevents.

Former captain of the champions of the world, Will Smith has stated that he has no interest in captaining Hampshire. Why ever not????? Super besty team in the South would be a great team to captain. He believes strongly in the coaching of Giles White (oh I remember him when he was a 'little' 2nd XI player in the heady days of Northlands Road), and believes that Jimmy Adams is a great captain.
I think that it won't be long before he is the boss of Hampshire.

And talking about the boss, I had a 'little' chat with Tzarina Katerina last night, well now I have my voice back I have no excuses. Yes Kiki gave me the rundown on her 'sicky' bug whilst on super swanky cruise (NICE!!) and filled me in on her jaunt up to the Arctic circle for Christmas. Well I hope that she has told Pere Noel about her plans #nocrimbopressiesotherwise
I am seeing her on a sled covered in furs being pulled by (massive) team of huskies. yeah right she will be in her cabin watching BBC news 24.

Dame Didi is still hunting for the christmas sweaters for our jaunt to the heady heights of Sheffield. Well you can't beat a bit of Yorkshire at Christmas. We will be huddled around t'wireless and having lard on bread, washed down with a pint of tetleys. I should flipping hope not!!! Champers and quails eggs all the way.

Pauly Paul has been jolly flipping cheeky about Lady Lainey's office wall decor. What exactly is a restraining order? Is that that the thing that the policemen keep talking about when they drag me away from the Yorkshire dressing room? Never read anything that comes through the door anyway!!

 Well better set off to super swanky Lady Lainey office for 'Trill boys' second day. He is fitting in nicely and getting well into the ways of the office i.e jump to it when Lady Lainey shouts!



Thursday, 10 October 2013

Hurricane Thursday!



First thought this morning was, which hat to wear to keep the 'Ronald McDonaldesque' birdsnest ornage curls in check. I tell you it is sooo windy outside that I am tempted to pull the duvet back over my head and forget about super swanky Lady Lainey office. Then I remembered that 'Trill Boy' Nev starts today and I have to go to work to make sure that he starts as he means to go on ( i.e  behaves himself).

Having made  the perilous journey out into the extensive grounds of LT Towers II, to put  the rubbish in the wheelie bin, all I can say is, 'where are the sunshine?  ( been saying that all summer!), where are the lovely light mornings?. Where did I put my winter coats????


News from the world of cricket, is that 'Hotspot' is going to be dropped from the Ashes tour down under. The controversial; infra-red camera is not to be used due to cost and the fact that it is unreliable. My thoughts, use the two flipping blokes in the white coats that stand on the field for hours on end. Believe me they are not there for Lady Lainey eye candy ( anyone seen Dickie Bird?????).

I am totally chuffing bored with lack of cricket news! I might have to start making it up!

What I do know is that next season, although I usually sit on the fence, ( well on the boundary actually but you get my drift), it is going to be a tough season with Durham being champions of the world and Yorkshire snapping at their heels. Now if Durham had Gillespie the Gallant as coach and His Royal Ryanness in the squad, how easy my life would be. #notsosecrettykefan

Bad news on the christmas sweater front. The 'Nice baubles' one is only is sizes for ladies with small Christmas trees!!!  Going to have to look further afield methinks!!!

Oh well time to get Lady Lainey limo out of the garage and be wind propelled to work. Retirement sounds like such a good plan, especially on days like this!!!

Only short today due to NO CRICKET NEWS. Lets start a rumour tomorrow!!!!

Hey lets start one today...........Why was Otis Gibson on the balcony at Durham towards the end of the season? Answers in the comments please!









Wednesday, 9 October 2013

Christmas in October!!!




Ok, so it is agreed, that the Dame and I will each have a Christmas jumper to wear at Bramell Lane. I am having the one saying 'Nice baubles' and I can only pray that there is not one with the 'legend' 'Santa Stuck up the flue' as this was the Dames suggestion for her jumper. How very rude!!!!

Lady Lainey's 'favourite' cricketer KP has been awarded damages against Specsavers, who used his picture during the 'bat taping' scandal ( SCANDAL, KP NEVER!!!!) during the summer. The company accepted that KP did not behave in that manner. However it got them some publicity!!!

Out of the game but not going quietly, Steve Harmison has been rating the England squad to be well suited to the conditions down under in the winter tour. he is convinced that England will come back with the Ashes again.  Well only time will tell and its not long now!

The Blades were in action last night in a trophy game against Hartlepool ( you don't want to live there if you are a monkey!) And they lost! This is becoming a recurring theme. I think that Sir Sean of Bean and I should take over the half time talk!!!

I went to have a girly catch up with Lady Margaret and Yolanda last night. All good on the girly front, I then came back to do some DIY. Well put the new handles on the over flowing wardrobes. These were super bargain in France, I bought 4 and only paid for 1!!!!! looking very smart, just a shame I can't close the doors #clearoutcoming

As its getting close to the time of the year when we ( the office) go out on our annual sober lunch (hahahaha, didn't remember coming home last year, lost a glove and didn't get out of bed until time for work two days later). I have made the decision that instead of our usually 'gut bash' at The Oven, we will push the boat out and go to Bannatynes hotel. Hopefully this will encourage us to behave in an adult manner, but as Job the jolly has decided not to drive this year it isn't looking good at the moment.

Well I am off to super swanky Lady Lainey office to sit and shout at myself and look pretty for 7 hours,as the boys are off to London and HQ!. I really was not going to set off at 4.30am this morning to go with them. Do they not know how long it takes me to look this good first thing in the morning? For the love of good no self respecting Lady leaves home without her slap on , her birdsnest  orange curls twirled and nails filed. No I will have peace and quiet in the office and catch up with sleep work. Well that'll be a first!!!

Oh yes and after weeks of nothing! The Duke of Adelaide 'tweeted' this morning, I have missed his chat!








Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Things I found about boys







Well after my cartoon of Wonder Woman on the blog I was inundated by 'boys' commenting on Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter and how they loved the show. Well 'boys' let me tell you the one thing that I  now know is that it was not the plots ( flaky to say the least), it was not the scripts ( even more flaky). I am guessing it was the scenery!!!

 Lynda Carter was and still is a stunning lady and a former Miss USA who reached the semis in the Miss World pageant. So just for all the boys who let me know how much they enjoyed Wonder woman here is a picture of the lady herself.






So now that the 'boy' readers are happy, lets get onto all things Lady Laineylike.  Well the kitchen light is now well and truly 'Donald Ducked' and I am covered in bruises from bumping into things whilst stumbling around in the dark, trying to top up my caffeine levels. As I can't remove the starter ( and nor could Mr Funky the chauffeur) and failing in my attempts to get an electrician who 

1. Does not speak to me as if I am some 'bimbo'
2. Is not going to charge me £1,000 an hour for the pleasure of my company and drinking my coffee whilst making 'tutting' sounds
3. Does not even bother to turn up.

I will be wandering around in the dark for a bit longer.

Work was super fine now that I am back in full voice, the 'boys' did talk about drills and  golf clubs, but I am ok with power tools after all how much damage can you do with those????. You know my saying ' If boys can use them, anyone can use them'.

Everyone returned safely from the 'Big Stag Do', although some may need a week to get over it.

The first signs of the new season fluttered through the letter box of L:T Towers II yesterday. Yes the champions of the world sent me an invitation to The ODI, well they would like a few pennies for the pot, but at least they thought about me  ( and the rest of the members). I will have to have a word with Mr funky but doubt we will be going as he will no doubt be at GOLF!!!!! (YUKKY!!!)

Well the good news is that it is only 38 days until the birthday of I Lady Lainey, and the excitement is mounting. I am just waiting for the tickets to land on the doorstep for Dame Didi and I to go and enjoy ourselves with all things 'Lumiere', and have a couple of sherry shandies too!!

Eldest sister Tzarina Katerina, having just returned from one cruise has informed Didi that she is off on another one, over Christmas!!!!! well that solves a little problem!

So now Christmas preps can get into full swing and as I was out wandering around Lady Lainey ville yesterday I spotted some ladies Christmas sweaters!!! how perfect for the Dame and I to wear when we are at the hallowed ground of Bramall Lane. I think the one that I want may be a step too far. Do you really see her Lady ship wearing a jumper emblazoned with 

'NICE BAUBLES'

 Well I flipping well do!!!!!

Until tomorrow