Monday, 30 September 2013

Silence is golden..............










........except if you are Lady Lainey with terrible lurgy, no voice, hideous headache and have 7 hours at super swanky Lady Lainey office. How will I get through? I cannot shout at 'boys', I cannot demand copious amounts of coffee, BUT luckily for Job the Jolly and Pony Paul I can still look pretty and file my nails!

Now looking pretty was  what the Durham boys were doing yesterday, and  they were looking  jolly flipping pleased with themselves, and rightly so. They were allowed to step onto the 'hallowed' turf   at The Stadium of Light at half time in the Sunderland v Liverpool match. As they proudly showed off their Trophy to the crowd, I wondered a couple of things,

1.Why were they not all wearing club ties?

2.Where did Geoff get those trousers??????

However a great day for the team and more to come I should think.

My Tykes were also living it up in former home of I, Lady Lainey, they were down at Wembley watching the Pittsburgh Steelers take on the Minnesota Vikings ( name sake of my Tykes). They looked to be having a great time and it was the last outing for Scot the 'fizzio' before he defects to Scotland.

Luckily the Vikings won, which is not what happened this season in the cricket!!!!!

I actually bought a paper yesterday and wish that I hadn't, blah blah blah poor Monty Panesar, blah blah blah, can't hold his drink ( as bouncers can justify), blah blah blah, 'thought my England days were over'.

Well for once I, Lady Lainey am saying nothing.......................

Yesterday apart from dragging myself out of my sick bed and doing shopping for office 'boys', I spent most of the day sleeping and drinking hot toddies ( might explain the raging headache this morning). Mr Funky the chauffeur came round with a bag of home grown potatoes, its a shame he hadn't peeled and cooked them!!!!!!

Woooohooooo flipping brill news from Chateau Saltburn last night, the Dame is organising to take her baby sister ( that would be moi) on a cruise!!!! Well OK not the type that Tzarina Katerina goes off on ( and gets so ill that she is confined to her cabin and misses loads of stops New York being one). We are off to Rotterdam, just before Pere Noel arrives.

Holy Hook of Holland, I am not sure that the Dutch are ready for us!!! The French are only just recovering!!!!

Oh well better twirl the orange curls, put some slap on and head off in Lady Lainey Limo ( which passed its healthcheck with flying colours),  Jobbers and Pony are in for a peaceful day, however if they start talking about 'boys things'..................................................................................................








Sunday, 29 September 2013

No voice!!!!!




OH NO!!! I have woken up this morning and I have no voice, I also feel as if an elephant is sitting on my chest and I have the mother of all headaches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am either coming down with some serious lurgy or have a very bad coldy/fluy thing. Not good either way. The only compensation is that I will not miss a cricket match........................because it is all finished boooohoooo.


Well apparently Andrew Strauss has written a book that 'we all will want to read'. I wasn't too keen until I spotted the piece about KP and THE TEXTS. Strauss said he was 'dumbfounded' ( why), and that KP had done his best to destabilise and undermine the team. NON MERDE!!!! hey Andrew I wrote that in my blog this time last year and probably every opportunity since! #plagiarism
I still do not understand why he was let back into the team, and don't get me started on Monty Panesar................


So lets see what is happened yesterday in the world of footy. ( YUK, but it fills some of the page)

Well all the teams went down on the same score.

The Mighty Whites away to Millwall  2-0

Birmingham away to Reading            2-0

The Blades away to Wolves             2-0

Hmmmmmm!!!!!!! Not good by the boys


Today sees Sunderland take on Liverpool. And at half time the Durham boys are going out to show off the trophy. Those boys are super busy, I think that they are out on Monday too, a civic reception non the less!!!!!


I am supposed to be super busy today as I was going to wash the windows here at LT Towers II, but I feel so crocked that I think I might just take it easy( no change there then!)

So off for some tablets and a hot drink. I feel proper poorly!!!!





Saturday, 28 September 2013

And that's it...................................





for another season. yes 2013 county cricket is all finished!!! As I wipe tears from my eyes, I am looking at what has been a terrific season all round.

First and foremost it was a terrific season for former besty home county of Durham, who pulled themselves from the bottom of the table to the top and all without the help of Steve Harmison who was so badly injured that he couldn't play any cricket, only golf!.

Yesterday the tired champions finally lost their match to Sussex after a valiant fight back on Thursday. And lots of weary travellers got in their cars and drove nearly the length of the country home to bed last  night.

Good news from the team is that super polite young man Jamie Harrison has signed with the club until 2015 which is great for them and I predict a 10 wicket haul next season. No pressure then Jamie!

Durham also announced that they have given Callum Thorp a new contract as well as Keaton Jennings. They have also signed Stuart Poynter and Graham Clark for next season. At last some more youngsters!

Besty home county of Yorskhire had a super fantastic season and due to rain playing havoc with some of their games came second to Durham in Division One. Not bad for a team that were in Division Two a couple of seasons ago. Gillespie the Gallant has been a breath of fresh air at Yorkshire and few players are wanting to move on from the club ( His Royal Ryanness for one!).
I would also like to thank Gillespie the Gallant for his Tweets, retweets and reading my blog.
Top coach!

Sadly it was not a great season for Derbyshire who have gone over to the 'other side'. However I think that they will be back soon.


So what its going on today at LT Towers II?
Well if I manage to find the garage in the thick fog which is swirling around  outside, I am taking the car for its annual healthcheck ( like BUPA for humans but with Tim'll Fix It). I will also try to avoid being 'loved to death' by the royal hounds and 'snogged' by Benji the French kissing border collie!
Then I am doing to shopping for the 'boys' lunches for next week and dropping off some goods at the charity shop to the to make some space at the Towers. ( something that I had a lot of this time last year and am now rapidly running out of!)

I was going to get my new bed but that will have to wait until next week.

Oh well best to be on my way...........................it'll soon be nap time!

Friday, 27 September 2013

Woooohoooo It's F(ryan)day




Oh thank goodness it is F(ryan)day, I am fair knackered and have been having terrible lapses of memory ( 'It's your age' Job the Jolly, 'you won't see my age if you continue like that!' Lady Lainey). Losing my purse, losing youngest monster child nephews birthday card!, oh well a bit of napping over the weekend should put that right.

Well his Royal Ryanness managed to take a wicket yesterday, but besty home county of Yorkshire were not sending bails flying in their usual fashion. However big congratulations to Surrey's Dom Sibley who became the youngest Surrey player to score a century. The A level student was given permission to have miss four days of school to play in the match and really made a show of it. So just to make his mark completely  he finished the day on 220 not out. Wow that beats double maths any day!!!
Amla the greatest batsman in the world was settling himself in until his Royal Ryanness decided enough was enough and took his wicket, but not before he had racked up 151 runs. What a day of cricket.

However real praise goes to the champions of the world Durham, who staged a monumental comeback. I had been under the impression that it would be over by lunch and they would all be snoozing on the coach on the way home by early afternoon. NOT TO BE! Keaton Jenning and Michael Richardson decided that tired and wanting holidays or not, they were going to go out in a blaze of glory. And that is what they did. Both hitting centuries for Durham.


Durham closed 380-7

My theory on this is the the 'old dears' serving tea and cake had been very nice to them so they wanted to stay another day.

Else where in division one, poor Derbyshire were relegated despite a valiant try. Former home of besty bowler friend in the world, JJ, put on a great show in the last matches of the season. However it was not to be. Next Season boys.

Former besty home county in the south, Hampshire and also former home of best bowler friend in the whole world, JJ, pulled off their last win of the season with a great haul of wickets from Matt Coles. All 10 of them!!! They beat Essex by an innings and  31 runs.

So as I head out to super swanky Lady Lainey office today, and hope that I can stick to my diet i.e no McDonalds big breakfast or bacon and egg butty. I wish all teams playing today the very best of luck.


Roll on 4.30pm and Le Weekend!!!!.........................

................oh yes and a glass of wine

Thursday, 26 September 2013

Happy Birthday youngest Monster child nephew




Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Tricky Dickie
Get your bedroom tidied too!!!


Yes today is the  birthday of youngest monster child nephew aka Tricky Dickie. he is a heckof a lot bigger than when that picture was taken I can tell you!!!!.

I hope that you have a great day and enjoy it, before long you will be as old as me!!!! ( 21).

Oh well another day here in Blighty and it is cold, wet and horrible. yesterday morning I drove to work in fog where as last week it was wall to wall sunshine ( sometimes) that I had!!! Ahhhh holidays a distant memory now.

So I heard from Sussex that yesterday had dawned hot and sunny and as I was freezing my wotnots off in super swanky Lady Lainey  office, with my heater going full blast and having coffee pumped into me intravenously, ( well Pony Paul jumping up and making it) this was not putting I, Lady Lainey in a happy mood!.However a doughnut made everything better, (apart from my waistline!).

Champions of the world Durham started day 2, where Sussex started to build up a sizeable lead, which is not good, however I had obviously wished the fog to travel south, which it did and 'Fog stopped play' something that I don't think I have ever come across even here in the wilds of the North East of England!! So everyone was able to go and have coffee and cake and  be back at the hotels in time to see 'Cash in the Attic'. Perfect!

Besty home county of Yorkshire where fairing better at The Oval and  Gary Ballance hit a seasons best of 148 which is great news for everyone. In reply Surrey got stuck in at the crease with even his Royal Ryanness not being able to break down the opening batsmen. Eventually Patterson got his chance and dismissed  Burns for 82.

Good luck to both teams today.

Good luck also to Yorkshire 'Fizzio' who is leaving afer 11 years at the club, to go to Scotland????. Good luck Scot you kept his Royal Ryanness on the field!

Well things in super swanky Lady Lainey office are back to normality ( finally) however ' me and da boys' are having a little training session next Wednesday to be jolly top chaps on (another) on line system ( oh the joy of the Draughtsmans life). However since it is due to start at 1pm, I will be catching up on my beauty sleep so the boys will have to take notes.


Birmingham were  in  League cup action against Swansea last night , and they only flipping won 3-1. The leadership of cousin Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo seems to be paying off ( yeah well he will probably flipping beat them if they lose!). Well done to Brum.

Last night also saw Newcastle taking on Leeds. The Mighty Whites had travelled up the M1/A1 to play  in the League Cup match. At the 11th minute of the match first half, both sets of fans chanted the name of Gary Speed (11 being the shirt he wore for both clubs).
Still loved and still missed!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Half way through the week!!!




Well the champions of the World, Durham were in action yesterday and were not doing too well when they were all out for 164. Maybe the fact that they had dropped super polite young man Jamie Harrison had something to do with it, maybe too much celebrating last week , maybe the fact that the weather was very hot down south ( something that occurs infrequently here in the North of Blighty).Maybe just that they are a bunch of tired bunnies as it is the end of the season.
 Whatever the reason this was not a  champion amount of runs in the book of I, Lady Lainey, however they also had the bad news that Will Smith is leaving after eight season with the club, so they deserve a bit of leeway.
 On a more postive note, Scott Borthwick and Mark Stoneman both passed 1000 runs for the season.
Good luck today.

My Tykes were fairing a bit better at Surrey. With new Ashes boy Gary Ballance hitting 72 not out on the first day of play. Jaques also had an impressive knock , but other Ashes boy Jonny Bairstow was not on  great form being dismissed in his 20's ( runs that is Dame Didi not his age!). This match does not make any difference on the standing in the table as Yorkshire are confirmed Runners up ( Hmmmmmmmm!!!!!) and Surrey are relegated.

News from former besty team in the South, Hampshire is that retiring Dimi Mascarenhas is to be playing  out in Australia in the Big Bash. also Michael Carberry has been talking about his delight at being named in the Ashes squad ( and obviously Lady lainey's 'leven as unveiled yesterday)


Over in Super Swanky Lady Lainey office  yesterday things had returned to the norm, with 'boys' having to chat about how pretty Lady Lainey's hair was looking since her return from La Belle France. 'You look like Ronald Mc Donald' commented one of the 'boys',who was limping in a most peculiar manner for the remainder of the day. Not a mention of football or cars all day. Normality returns!

Lord Christophe is settling himself in at Uni and appears to have been making friends with GIRLS!!!!! Well I will be going to get this nipped in the bud. he is training to be an Architect and design my new house in France, not get himself loved up!

Dropped in to see Tim'll Fix it to book the Lady Limo in for it's annual healthcheck. I thought that I was going to escape without being 'loved to death' by the Royal Hounds. However as I bent down to get my car keys out of my bag Benji the 'French kissing' border collie saw his chance and 'got' me. As I have said I think in my life I have been kissed by worse...............................




Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Lady Lainey's 'leven





Well all of Twitter was alive yesterday with the selection of the Ashes team. so I thought that I would add my choice of 11 men who I think fair well
1. Michael Carberry
2.Joe Root
3. Phil Jaques
4. Robin Smith ( well I didn't say they were of this moment!)
5. Tom Smith
6. Oliver Newby
7. A J Harris
8. Glenn McGrath ( I didn't say they had to be English cos 1-2 the England team aren't!!)
9. His Royal Ryanness
10. Martin Jean-Jacques( still top number 10 knock at Derbys )
11. Gillespie the Gallant

I don't appear to have a wicket keeper but  hey who cares,this line up will look pretty impressive from my seat on the boundary!!!!
OK, OK I know!!!!!! .................................... Too many Tykes!!!!

The actual squad was

Cook, Root, Trott, KP (???), Bell, Ballance, Carberry, Bairstow,Stokes, Prior,Broad, Swann,Andersar, Panesar (????!!!), Finn, Rankin, Tremlett (!!!??!!!)

So lets see what happened yesterday apart from teams being announced.

Well I tipped up at Super swanky Lady Lainey office where as you well know I drink copious amounts of coffee, shout at boys and look pretty for 7 hours. No chuffing chance yesterday!!!! My desk was awash with drawings, mess and post it notes!!!!!
So after having a tiara throwing screaming fit!!!! ( and it was my second besty tiara too!), I actually had to do some work!!!!! well by lunch time my little head was nearly nodding onto the desk and I was getting very cross with said boys who were talking about FOOTBALL and BOY THINGS!!! Leave them alone for a couple of weeks and they forget all my training, WE ONLY TALK ABOUT HANDBAGS , SHOES, PRETTIES AND HOW ORANGE MY HAIR IS!!!!!!

Mark my words there WILL be an improvement in that office today, however, there is a new one starting in two weeks. OMG another boy to train up to Lady lainey standard!!! Is my work never done!


My Tykes had a little drive down to Surrey where they start playing today. Wipe the flipping floor with them boys and make me proud.

Champion team of the world Durham were on there way to Eastbourne, where they would be spending the next few days, It doesn't matter if they  win, as its the taking part that counts. but hell if you are taking part you might as well win!

And then we come to Dame Didi who had a little tiara throwing tantrum of her own yesterday at Asda, at Skelton. Hope that man has managed to extricate his mobile phone! I bet he heard the 'snap' of latex gloves!!!!


Oh well, off I go again, another day another penny in the piggy bank!

Monday, 23 September 2013

Oh no!!! it be work today



Oh no after a wonderful time back at 'home' in La Belle France it is time for super swanky Lady Lainey office today, Job the Jolly and Pony Paul will have made lots of mess work for me to do!!! So best do as the picture says and have a 'tonic' to get me through the day.

It was sad yesterday to wake up in beautiful St Gilles Croix de Vie and then a few hours later be on the M62 and then M1/A1 and back at LT Towers II, which luckily had not disappeared into the overgrown lawns ( thanks to Mr Funky the chauffeur coming and hacking it all down for me).

However as expected it was not without  drama, as Dame Didi thought that she was going to be taken off into a cubicle as we went through with our hand luggage, sweat was standing on her brow and she could hear the 'snap' of latex gloves being donned, however it was not for her. Big sigh from her, big boo from me as I would have split my sides ( again) laughing it they had dragged her in!!!!

I was looking forward to the flight until I walked down the stairs and saw the propellers!!!! OMG it was a flipping 'rubber band plane' and I didn't have any Valium! Couldn't even have a drink as I was driving at the other side. I like proper planes!!! Which is what I saw as we landed at Manchester, I saw the 'nose' of 'my' Concorde Alpha Charlie, in its hanger. Something to make me smile!

And so today as I head off to Ladylaineyworkville, SOME PEOPLE are heading off to Eastbourne for a jolly, yes off to the south coast to live it up in super posh hotel with a TV and WiFi ( well that's what they have been promised!). The reason for this jaunt is because the 'champions' are having a little game down in Sussex. Good luck to Durham and keep up the winning.

Sad to say that the flipping Blades have been making a pigs ear of the start of the season. Better news from Brum where cousin Right hon Hooligan Robbo is captain. They 'borrowed'(I know all the technical footy terms!) Jesse  Lingard from Man utd and he only flipping scored 4 goals on his debut AND not a whiff of a yellow or red card for Hooligan. The team done well, the cousin done well and Lingard did brilliantly.

So without further ado, I am off to get the Lady Lainey limo out of the garage and wend my weary way to shout at boys, drink copious amounts of wine coffee and count the pennies in my piggy bank to see how soon I can go back to France!!!!!

Sunday, 22 September 2013

Lady Lainey bids a tearful farewell to home

   


Well I am up with the larks this morning and going to get down to the 'all you can eat' continental breakfast. Going to see if I can beat my all time best of 20 pain au chocolat, 10 croissants, 5 rolls with cheese and ham and anything else they have laid around .........................OK only joking, however I do love a good continental gut bash.


We waved a teary farewell to Chateau Didi until next year which seems a jolly long time away, but in reality is only round the corner. 16 weeks until Pere noel makes his annual visit, zut alors I will have to start dusting off the decs when I get home. Other highlights to come the super birthday of I, Lady lainey which this year is to be  celebrated in home city of Durham. But this is all in the future and I have not yet mentioned what happened on out last full day in La belle France.


Dame Didi did so well in Super U at 'United nations give us a clue' that I am tempted to send her back today to see the whole thing again. Then we tipped up at The Lion D'Or which is  super swanky hotel on the outskirts of the town ( probably best with us two in residence). We stripped of ( calm down!!!! only to our swimwear) and then spent four hours laying on the terrace and swimming in the super pool.

Oh yes and the Dame nearly broke her nose when she turned over on her lounger and the head rest smacked her in the face, sorry to say that I was no help to her as I was laughing so hard. This injury will go with the growing list that has occurred this week including

1.accidental mole removal and severe blood loss ( me, luckily a 'Barbie' plaster helped)
2. Serious back injury ( me trying to find a pair of shoes in the bottom of the wardrobe)
3. broken toe ( me as some 'eedgit' left a flipping suitcase in my way!)
4. Black eye ( Dame Didi, see above incident. only joking!!! and she didn't have a black eye it was makeup)
5. Broken nose ( Dame Didi, sunlounger incident)
6. Split sides ( me laughing so much at above incident.)

After a wonderful dinner in town it was back to the hotel where I got to watch the future Lord Lainey on TV ( yes I found Kieffer on telly in France how flipping brill was that). And that kind of made up for it being our last night.

Now heading off to stuff my face before the diet starts tomorrow :-(

and then back to blighty.......................... booooohoooooo

Saturday, 21 September 2013

packing and boo hooing



Well packed actually as we are moving into town to super swanky hotel to have a last night jolly! And jolly I think that it will be.

This morning though it is sad to say 'au revoir' to Chateau Didi until le Paque when I will be returning and hoping that lapin de paque remembers to bring me a flipping big chocolate oeuf.
However until then I have to get through a chuffing cold winter in Blighty as well as no cricket matches to go to......................and  horror of horrors......................housework and decorating, well I suppose it will keep me out of trouble. And Tykes Towers will be getting sorted finally.

So after all the excitement of Durham being champions, my tykes were having a go at middlesex ( former home of,I Lady Lainey but not besty county ever), That Jack Brookes (Headband warrior) was really gunning for Middx and the end result was that Tykes triumphed. Yippee top tyke boys and I Lady Lainey super blinking chuffed for them.

Once  again it has been pointed out that  I may be a tad biased towards them lads from't moors and dales. Well I am a Tykey Princess and as such I am  allowed to be a weeny bit biased. However as I have pointed out I am Tyke born and 21 years Durham CCC paid up member so can swing between the two.   Also pointed out to moi that I am a tend to favour a certain curly haired Tyke, hahahahaha I flipping know !!!

I spent yesterday afternoon on the terrace in a flipping 'anti gravity ' sunlounger it looked like something astronauts train in' but was really great as it eased my back which I hurt when I got in the wardrobe ( best not to ask!!).


Also last night after a couple of gallons of wine we stumbled on a blog which had us in fits of laughter. check out @spanielHarry  very funny.

And finally last night/early this morning we saw the stars in all their glory! I had forgotten how amazing they are out here in the wilds of France where there is no light pollution . Wish we had seen them earlier as there will be little chance of star gazing in St Gille tonight.

Well time to get a wriggle on and see what 'little adventures' today holds. Dame Didi is going to be playing 'United nations Give us a clue' in Hyper U supermarket as she goes in to complain. This is a super game and better than the game that most English play abroad, i.e the louder you shout the more chance of being understood. This game involves speaking in 'Franglais' whilst doing the actions relevant to your problem. ( so glad shes isn't constipated although I think I would have paid good money to see that!!!).

And you just know that this is not going to turn out well!!!!!!

until tomorrow

A Bientot
 

Friday, 20 September 2013

F(rayn)day and durham day

Just because I am in La belle France does not mean that we do not have F(ryan)day or Ven(ryan)di as it will be known here.

Last night his Royal Ryanness was tres busy with the media launch of the Ryan Sidebottom Academy which I hope will be a huge success. I think that Daddy Sidebottom is also giving a helping hand which is very jolly nice too.


however today I MUST devote the bulk of the blog to Durham who needed 69 runs to win the title ( not 62 as reported yesterday). Rain affected the start and I received phone calls letting me know what was happening, as I was out doing the shopping thing I was unable to check Twitter ( it is tres hard to juggle the mobile and 30 bottles of fizz you know!).

By late afternoon it was all over and Durham were the county champions, 3rd time in 6 years! How flipping brilliant is that????? especially as at one point in the season it looked as if Durham were going down.

To my eagle eye this is due to the inclusion in the first team of Chris Rushworth and super polite young man Jamie Harrison, and yes I know that no one man is a team but.......


Twitter was full of great pictures of the team celebrating and a super picture of three generations of the Rushworth family.

The champagne moment of the day had to be Henry sneezing on his daddy who was being interviewed on sky!

Gillespie the Gallant showed what a great sportsman he is by Tweeting his congratulations to Durham. top bloke.

And what was happening at Chateau Didi, well lots of fizz was consumed ( any excuse), I got soaked to my undies having been made to do BBQ for tea and it was raining!!!  My orange curls got such a soaking that I looked like Ronald MacDonald  on acid!!!!  The Dame was reclining on the chaise longue! Oh yes and I bought 4 pairs of socks in c & A!!!!!

WOW what a flipping day

not sure if my newest follower on Twitter will be reading this after  he read yesterdays, but if he is  'Bonjour'


So today we are off to St Gilles ( again) and then packing our bags ready to move on to the 'Lion d'or' tomorrow for sunbathing, swimming, swilling of wine and promenading around the town, before we head off to Nantes on Sunday........................I don't want to go home' I don't want to go to super swanky Lady Lainey office on Monday.

Best to cram as much into the next two days as possible


And once again well done to Durham, I bet there are a few thick heads this morning!!!!!



Thursday, 19 September 2013

Warne ing Hurley burley Ahoy!!!

Oh no!!! it can't be so!!! the romance of the century is off!!! The Hurley/Warne romance is at an end' oh no what will happen now that Shane will not get free Elizabeth Arden products!! How will Liz get super exposure at cricket matches, how will they ever again get a spread in HELLO magazine ( Liz will get in there somehow), OK I know that it is cruel to joke about the breakdown of a relationship but to be honest where Liz was concerned they never really last long. Now who will be next on the list?????

Ok enough showbiz nonsense which I try not to dabble in, however it was kind of crickety.

More important news is what has been happening at Chateau Didi, ( 'ello d'er), well for starters we were a pair of lazy monkeys yesterday lying around reading our books until after the midday! well the shops had closed by the time we would have been ready so easier to wait until after the repas.
We headed off to St Gilles and went plodging in the sea which was truly invigorating and not as distressing on the 'natives' as me in the sea in a bikini. Then we and hit 'Super U' looking for another 4 wheel drive suitcase this one would be the Bentley of suitcases. Dame Didi went over to the internet cafe, I think that she fancies the bloke in there ;-)  hahahaha just nearly tiddled myself at the thought of the look on her face when she reads that!!!!
she has a flipping l'ordinator at the Chateau!!!!! put 2 and 2 together and make 7 Simples!!!!!!

( I fear that I may be walking back to the airport at this rate so best move swiftly on to something else)

And it is about his Royal Ryanness who was in top form yesterday along with Jackie Brooks as they were sending wickets tumbling right left and centre. Middlesex appear to bein a spot of bother' However former besty home county of Durham are only 62 runs away from winning the county title. I suppose that I should be glad ( at least a little bit) but if the race to the end had not included my Tykes that would be how it is.

SO good luck to Durham today and super flipping good luck to the Tyke boys. go get 'em Ryan.

I am now going to disappear before the Dame reads the blog.


BREAKING NEWS

His Royal Ryanness has only gone and  made the day of I Lady Lainey, yes he has signed a new contract taking him to the  end of 2015 which means lots more photo ops for moi and lots more write ups for him!!!

also the cricket academy which he has set up will be having a little do at Headingey tonight around 6pm contact his Royal Ryanness on Twitter direct or @JamesMasonMedia for more details.

got to run, yes really run she is logging onto the l'ordinator.....................

Wednesday, 18 September 2013

more news

No I haven't bought a new (old) car, sadly'as this is the motor that I dream of  zooming around the champagne region in when I move here. No Mercs'BMW's or Audi's for me, although I am partial to a Maserati, but a 2 CV will do nicely.

Well Dame Didi and I went off shopping yesterday and bought a super blinking four wheel drive suitcase, my god this is the Maserati of suitcases, tres splendid!!!. We also got enough stickers in our 'booklet' at the supermarche to enable us both to purchase a cast iron roasting tray for the knock down price of 24 euro' flipping heck another jolly bargain, but too blinking heavy to bring home, even in super light suitcases.  

Over in Blighty things are taking a bad turn for my Tykes as the weather once again is not   being kind to them, however gale ( not GALES!!) made a stand to  keep the run rate up and I have every faith in the boys.

over with former besty home county of Durham they were playing like mad things , I want a pint of whatever they had been having! They bowled the opposition out by lunch with super polite young man Jamie Harrison taking 3 wickets as did Chris Rushworth ( I bet Pasha was barking in delight!) and then went in tohave a little bat themselves.

mr Funky the chauffeur  text me last night to inform me that Durham were well on course for the title ( which I had already work out myself!) and although I really wanted my Tykes to get it, to have 2 Norhtern teams doing so flipping well is brilliant. Well played Durham and good luck today.

back here in la Belle France it only chuffing well chucked it down all night, the chances of me being in my bikini on the beach today are low which is a relief for the people of st gilles criox de Vie, who are still trying to erase that memory from Monday. The cries of ' Sacre bleu there is a flipping whale on le plage' are still ringing in my ears, well thats no way for them to talk about my sister Dame Didi !!!! :-)

And so as another day dawns on mon vacances, as the two cricket teams closest to my heart fight it home in blighty, I wish you ' bon journee' and as I quickly glance at my watch i realise that it won't be long until it is wine o'clock, hey the sun is over the yardarm smewhere in the world!!!!

Tuesday, 17 September 2013

the story so far

Woohooo today is the start of besty home county of Yorkshire match against Middlesex. I am super hoping that this will be a good result for my Tykes for the following reasons

1. They are super besty cricket team in the whole flipping world ( and beyond)
2. They have the best flipping coach in the wole world ( and beyond)
3. They have the greatest supporter in the world  ( and beyond, and that would be I Lady lainey)

So I am keeping everything crossed for them today ( and by early evening and copious amounts of wine even my eyes will be crossed).

Former besty home county od Durham are in action too today. I should be saying good luck to them but I can't bring myself to.


So what mad things happened in La Belle France yesterday, well surprisingly it was a fairly normal day ( I say normal which by our standards is totally mental). we went to the sea andwent in, I am not talking about full submersion, flipping heck I would have been harpooned by some passing whaling vessel. We also went beach combing and found an interesting array of shells and stones and 'jewels'.
Then we headed off to the supermarche, for coffee out of the coffee machine (NICE!) and then buying provisions, wine,cheese,bread,wine,veal,wine.....................you get the picture.

I was so flipping shattered when we got back to Chateau Didi I had to have a little lie down and a nap.

I waas the 'Chef' incharge ( I was not being Gino Dicampo  'HELLO DER') and  set the bbq going then threw veal and beef on the fire and waited. It was flipping gorgeous.

actually yesterday was a book reading day and  we are settling intot his relaxed French way of doing things.  It is still funny to see the names of places 'Lac de Gooey gonads ( lac de Gue Guarand), Hopital Torture ( Hospital Torterie) and seeing the signs for 'Moulin de Gonads (Moulin de Gourand)

  See my French is so improved I am almost native

Well off to wait for the start of the Yorks match on Twitter and also head off to Challon to do some shopping, it will be wine o' clock when we get back!!!!

Monday, 16 September 2013

what to do today


This was the view from out table as we sat drinking coffee yesterday in St Gille Croix de Vie, after we had been to the market. I have a photo of looking in the other direction and may show it later. To be honest though would you buy a pizza at a restaurant called 'You Pizz' yep thought not!

after torrential rain during the night ( I thought I was back in flipping Tykes Towers) this morning is dry and warming up nicely, so a trip to the beach may be in order today.

I have also been checking on Twitter but not alot on there unless you want to apply to  be the flat mate of Jack Brooks ( headband warrior) as it appears that Liam plunkett is moving out.

I am going to check the sports news later but at the moment after two nights of wonderful sleep I am well into holiday mode.

We have yet to see the stars ( and I am yet to download the star map app) mainly as it has been cloudy at night. however I know that we will see them.

Yesterday was fairly uneventful which in the life of Dame Didi and I,lady Lainey is highly unusual as we always manage to cause havoc and chaos.
             
                                                                                                                                                                   
So I am off to go splodging in the sea, eat tons of weird flavoured ice cream ( including 'Smurf' which is blue!!!). then have a brie sandwich swilled down with a bucket of 'gros plant'( if we make it to the vineyard). Woohoo sick bags ahoy!!!!!!


I am super enjoying my hols, I even have a tidy bedroom #firsttimeforeverything.

Oh yes forgot to say that my fkuent french speaking sister is a loon. The word for 'intrnment' is not whatv you think, and that was not an pet cemetary!

good job I speak French!!!!!


A Bientot

Sunday, 15 September 2013

Greetings from Le Belle France

Bonjour tout le monde and greetings from Le Belle France and Chateau Didi, I am late posting today as I had to sort out flipping Wifi ( or whiffy as they call it here) and also go to the local market for fresh veggies for dinner this evening.                

Wow listen to me I sound like domestic goddess ( which you all know I am). I am now writing this as I am lying on the terrace soaking up the rays and drinking copious amonts of fizz avec mon sister.

I also text Mr Funky to find out how besty home county of Yorkshire did, now I wish I hadn't as the news was not good. especially as former besty home county of Durham are now 28 points clear at the top of the table. I am just keeping everything crossed.

So what else have I been up to, well for starters I am never letting Dame didi watch any programme with Gino Dicampo as she cannot understand a word he says and her version of his script was far more entertaining than the original, so much so that I thought I was going to have a heart attack from laughing so much and not being able to get my breath!!!!

We also saw her neighbours last night ( not the naked shower guy thankfully) and today they have disappeared!!! Not a good sign. I think the converstion intheir house went along the lines of  'Zut Alors the flipping English woman is here with Ronald McDonald lets head for the hills" ( due to my super red/orange curls now they have been super coloured)

Also today my faith in humanity was given a fesh burst of belief when at the market I asked for 1 tomato and thestall holder gave me it for free, how blinking brill was that???

Well got to go and drown my sorrows re my Tykes.

HIC HIC HIC SOB SOB SOB

Saturday, 14 September 2013

France it is then!

So today it is all go and I typing this very quickly to make sure that I get on the plane ( not like last year in Amsterdam. I Lady Lainey at the gate, blinking staff close the gate)




So yesterday whilst I was toiling in wind and rain over the flipping bleak Saddleworth Moor to Manchester, Yorkshire were being frustrated by the weather in Hove, which is making Lady lainey a tad twitchy. However today it is hopeful of play ( I have seen the forecast and honestly.........not too hopeful)

All that I can say is, come on you Tykes, do your best and I have great faith in you.
Last night  in the Yorkshire Hotel there was a little  incident in he lift, when 9 of the boys got trapped.
 
Now Jack Brooks blogged that the limit for the lift was 10 people but I have seen the size   the size of those boys and think that they should have halved the number. However apart from it being like a sweatbox, in there they are got out unharmed.

so now I am off to do holiday type things and will be back with more tomorrow when i will have a roundup of the cricket.


Friday, 13 September 2013

IT'S F(RYAN)DAY!!!!!!

Don't look so sad Ryan!!!


YIPPPEEEE!!!! it is flipping F(ryan)day and i am super bouncy happy as today I am off to La Belle France for wine and sunshine, and wine and food, and wine.......yes you get the drift.

However there is still the matter of the case to pack and the Orange curls to re-orange ( how on earth will Ludo the plombier  recognise me without super orange curls). As well as giving Tykes Towers a spit and polish. And all before the Dame arrives!

Well Lord Christophe went off to Uni yesterday without any tears and will have spent his first night in his new gaff. Hope that he is OK?


Over in Hove Yorkshire were batting after getting the Sussex boys out for 292 ( His Royal Ryanness taking the last wicket!0, Lyth and new boy Kane Williamson both made half centuries to my boys close the day on 246-4. Williamson batted for over 5 hours to end the day on 80. Well done that new boy.

Gillespie the Gallant tweeted last night that he was out and about having a cider ( yeah I bet Lord Christophe was having a few too!).Today Yorkshire need to take a lead  and get some more batting points! Come on my Tykes I am cheering so much that I am a little hoarse ( better than being a little horse, which I would hate!).


Former besty home county of Durham meanwhile were still plugging away with Rushworth and Onions taking nine wickets between them. But Derbyshire made them work for it. Durham closed the day on  82-2. It could go either way!.


And then just before lunch....................shocking news filtered through, just the other day I was commenting on Simon Jones and his 6 pack #eyecandy. When news of his retirement came through. OMG I was nearly in tears, I couldn't believe it! However he is only retiring from First class cricket and is going out as a T20 mercenary!!! better than nothing I suppose.

I really cannot believe that it is only a couple of matches away form the end of the season. Where has it gone!! ( in a haze of wine for me!). Now I will have to start marking off the days until the start of the nest season.


Well cricket or not, that plane will not be hanging around on the tarmac for me, so best to get moving and the sooner at the airport the sooner the jollies begin.

Wooohooo I am super bouncy happy excited!

Thursday, 12 September 2013

What a flipping day!



Blinking heck it was only Wednesday yesterday and the middle of the last working week for I Lady Lainey but what a flipping day it was.

It started at 8.00am when I arrived in super swanky Lady Lainey office to find that there was no milk!!!! YES no milk for my coffee, so after a lot of shouting, Pony Paul went out to get some!. It could only get better couldn't it?

So at 10.30am I settled down to keep a beady eye on Twitter re the Yorkshire/Sussex match. The flipping 'wireless' in the office was playing up so that meant that we couldn't listen to TMS so had to listen to Pony Paul killing popular music on the local radio station #earplugstoday.

Hi Royal Ryanness was off the blocks like Usain Bolt and took the first maiden over, he was the pick of the bowling though and secured three more scalps under his belt towards his 700 total. Liam Plunkett and Kane Williamson took two wickets apiece. Although Sussex were trying to rack up runs it was rain that thwarted the first days play. Hopefully there were some doughnuts left from tea to cheer the boys up when the match was cut short.
Today they need to get the Sussex boys out before they are fully awake and then rack up some batting points. So endeth the training talk!


Former besty home county of Durham were at Derbyshire where they managed to spend some time playing cricket but more time playing cards! Chris Rushworth took a wicket which will have made Daddy Rushworths journey worthwhile. Hope he has a TV and WiFi in his hotel room this trip! #scarbadostriangle .

Rain also affected the ODI at Edgbaston were only 15 overs were bowled. Not a great day all round for cricket.

Matthew Hoggard also made lots of headlines yesterday by announcing his retirement. Everyone was talking about his great contribution to cricket and what a great player he was, but the only thing I remember about him was he always had 'bad hair'!!!!

However I do admit that he was a great player and sad to see him leaving the arena.

Today however is a sad day in the life of Dame Didi ( yea right!!) as Eldest monster child, Lord Christophe flies the nest, yes he is off to Uni, and going to be an Architect and design his besty Auntie Lady Lainey a super swish house in homeland of France.

Good luck Lord Christophe and don't be doing too much of the 'drinking thing', I am the only one in our house allowed to do that!

Well time and tide waits for no man ( and with the amount of rain that has come down in the last few days that should be 'time and tidal wave'), so I am into Lady Lainey limo and off to the office for last day of shouting, swilling coffee, looking pretty and filing my nails, until the end of September!!!

FLIPPING YIPPPEEEEE!!!!!!


Wednesday, 11 September 2013

Lady Lainey needs to get a wriggle on!




yep! I Lady Lainey need to shake a tail feather like the little Wagtail in the picture ( sometimes these birds are the only entertainment that we get when we are watching former besty home county of Durham). I have lots to do before heading off to la belle France including a flipping conference training call on for a project at super swanky Lady Lainey office, why this couldn't wait until I return from mon vacance I have no idea. I will have forgotten it all by the time that I come back!!!!!

Anyhooo, lots of travelling was going on yesterday with Yorkshire making the 6/7 hours journey down to Hove in the 'venga bus' with those naughty Tykes taking pictures of any of their unsuspecting  team mates that happened to fall asleep. Today though is a different matter and 'Yorkshire expects...'


Durham headed off down the M1 to Derbyshire to start their match today.

And also there is the 3rd ODI.

Worrying news over in former besty home county in the South, Hampshire where captain Jimmy Adams says that his role as Captain is uncertain, with the highs and lows of this season ,he seems to think that they need to sit down and discuss where they go next season. Well I for one say don't change a thing but then I am not the voice of Hampshire.................or am I?????

F1 news is that heart throb of Dame Didi, Kimi Raikkonen will be joining Ferrari in the 2014 season. I suspect that she will be pleased with that. However Sir Jackie Stewart seems to think that Kimi will have a 'destabilising' effect on Alonso. Well we will have to wait until 2014 to see if that is the case.


Tyke Towers news, the flipping house looks as if a bomb has hit it, the flipping washing fairies haven't been and the case packing fairies are no where in sight.

OMG that means that tonight I will have to do it all myself!!!!!!!

I may not even have the energy to shout at boys today! well that'll be a first.

Got to go, work to do, training to do, washing to do.....................I think you get the picture.




Tuesday, 10 September 2013

Tuesday dawns and it is raining




So it is raining and damp here in the North East of Blighty and I am flipping hoping that the forecast in La Belle France is better so that I can be lying on the terrace in my bikini! ( and scaring the local wildlife too!)
However it is a busy week both in the wacky world of cricket and also in life here at Tykes Towers. Washing to do, case to pack, new shirts to send off to Lord Christophe for his forthcoming move away from home. Yes on Thursday he flies the nest and starts his new grown up life in 'Ull. Its all go on over at Chateau Saltburn too.

This week sees my Tykes in action when today they will be travelling to Hove having a bit of a paddle in the sea, eating candy floss and fish and chips and then tomorrow will take on Sussex ( whom they have to beat!). Now this doesn't end until Saturday so I am hoping that His Royal Ryanness does his stuff and sees this end on Friday! ( HUGE EXPECTATIONS FORM THE LADY).

#COYT


And talking about his Royal Ryanness, he has been saying that retirement is not on the cards and he would like another year on his Yorkshire contract as 700 wickets is his goal! Well I for one am flipping glad as I have been worrying myself sick about the day that he retires! Who the heck would I have to photograph? Well Oliver Newby for starters!

Former besty home county of Durham have also been saying a few words, re their financial state ( due to wine being £15 a bottle her Ladyship took her own this season so profits would have been down A LOT!!!). Apparently the wages of Steve Harmison are a burden to the county ( Non merde!) well paying someone for playing golf is never a good idea in my books. And as they have off loaded Brathwaite and Claydon as well as Thorpe once they have given the heave-ho to Harmy they should be back in the black again!


The wonderful Dini Mascarenhas is hoping to have one last crack at IPL before he bows out completely. I hope so too, as love to see him on the field.

The YB40 final is now decided and Nottinghamshire will be taking on Glamorgan. If Glamorgan win so you think that Simon Jones will get his 6 pack out? Flipping hope so #eyecandy


Well lots to do this morning so have to keep this short, so have a great day and catch you all tomorrow.




Monday, 9 September 2013

The Australians hit back.






Well it was a bit of a cricket day yesterday with Australia hitting back at England and wining the ODI. Michael Clarke scored a century supported in part by George bailey (82), and Australia made 315-7.
England went into bat with Joe Root being back in the pavilion before you could say 'Dizzy is the Yorkshire coach' as was Carberry and Trott. A very poor show there!

KP made 60 before being caught by Faulkener ( great catch) and bowled by a delighted Watson! Morgan and Buttler also made over 50 but it was to no avail and with a 227 they left Manchester a little dejected.


Next stop Edgbaston on Wednesday and then  Cardiff on Saturday before coming to an end at Southampton the following Monday.

Its all to play for !


Over at Stormont yesterday Ireland once again beat Scotland, and are on their way to World cup 2015, however Scotland have another chance to qualify early next year. The World Cup will take place in Australia and New Zealand and I love the whole thing. Reminds me of World Cup 1999 when Her Serene Highness was looking after me after being mown down by a rogue car in London. ( yes really!). Her Serene highness did all the jobs and prepared all the food so that at 11.00am we could lie on the bed ( only place I could get comfortable) and watch cricket for the rest of the day. Bliss!!! oh dear I digress.

However over in the Italian Grand Prix no digressing form Vettel as he won again ( getting very boring now) with LH coming in at 9 and Baron Button coming in 10th, Now let me just say, Baron Button has been 'my' driver since he was a tiny scrap of a boy and I have supported him through rough and rough. But Jenson what the Donald Duck is going on with your car???? McLaren give Jenson a super fast grand prix winning car please!!

So that's about it for today  ( very short one!)as I get ready to head off to Super Swanky Lady Lainey office, I am not even sure that this week I will shout at boys as I get ready for the big off' at the end of the week............now I am starting to get excited, so excited that I had to get out of bed at 2.30am this morning to check where my passport was!

oh well I will love you and leave you and be back here tomorrow.

Sunday, 8 September 2013

Happy Birthday to Dame Didi and Duchess Debbie


Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Dame Didi
And hope you don't spew!

OK I thats not a nice thing to say to your sister on her birthday but as we are going to really celebrate it in La Belle France with a visit to the local vineyard I think that it is more than apt. Today my sister is 21 ( again and again and again.........) and after staying at Tykes Towers on Friday and getting totally sloshed on G & T, having a super shopping spree yesterday  avec moi,she is now at Chateau Saltburn celebrating her birthday by.........doing the housework and the washing. Well the dossers that live in your house weren't going to do it were they Didi? Have a lovely day and roll on next week!



 Also sharing her birthday with Dame Didi is besty school friend Duchess Debbie the Wise who is the same age as I Lady Lainey ( how young we are!). I am dropping off her card and pressie in about two hours ( namely after I have finished writing this, put washing in, washed the orange curls and put some slap on!). I hope that you have a super day Debbie xxxxx


Yesterday apart from having a super shopping splurge with Dame Didi where I bought some paint pads ( tres boring), lunches for the 'office boys' ( tres tres boring) and getting a new potato masher ( supposed to be for Lord Christophe to take to uni but the Dame forgot it). I settled down to keep up on twitter with the YB40 semi final, Former besty home county in the south Hampshire against Glamorgan .

This was significant in many ways as it turned out to be the last YB440 match that Dimi Mascarenhas would play in. He got super applause as he bowled his last over ever at the Ageas Bowl. 17 years service to the county ( he started at the super cricket ground of Northlands Road, now a housing estate!).
Sadly Hampshire were lacking from the start due to not having super great batsman Michael Carberry in the squad ( England duties) .
Glamorgan won by 31 runs and to be honest with 2 overs left it could have gone either way. So @glamcricket  ( nothing to do with sequins or platform boots) are on their way to Lords.

Over in't Sheffield there was much excitement yesterday as Kevin McCabe introduced his new partner to Bramell Lane. Prince Abdullah is now co owner of the Blades ( I thought it was going to be Sir Sean of Bean but with a new woman in tow he is obviously saving up for a new divorce!).
Sadly after leading until half time The Blades only went and lost 3-1 to Rotherham. Wonder if the Prince wanted his money back?

Today also sees the Italian grand Prix  which sees Vettel on Pole Position, Baron button in 9th and LH in 12th. For flips Jenson get your flipping foot down today and get on the podium, just for Dame Didi ( and me).

So now I am off to get ready to drop off pressie and card for Duchess Debbie, do housework and go to visit school friend Lorraine Elliott who is now trumping I, Lady Lainey in the accident/ breakage table. however neither of us want any more, so a speedy recovery is needed for Lorraine.


And this morning also sees the start of the 2nd ODI at Old Trafford, the sun is out here in North East of Blighty so hope it is doing the same in Manchester.

Have a super Sunday and besty birthday wishes to the Birthday girls.


Saturday, 7 September 2013

Still raining.............




and as such it caused a wash out yesterday at the ODI. Well as said yesterday I hope they had a pencil and paper to play 'Hangman'. and I think that a pack of cards would have been in order.

The groundstaff at Headingley worked tirelessly all morning to try to get the pitch playable. However the rain was never going to let up and  by lunch time the match was abandoned. Today the bandwagon trundles on to Old Trafford ready for tomorrow.

News from former besty home county of Durham is that if Graham Onions is set to play for the Dolphin Franchise in South Africa if he overlooked by England selectors, my advice to Graham, start packing your bag and get some biltong down your neck!!!

Derbyshire sealed a massive victory yesterday after one of their worst seasons. There two wicket win against Somerset lifted them off the bottom of the Division one table and left Somerset and Surrey in relegation places.

Now as some readers may know I Lady Lainey have a couple of tattoos, not your flipping big rearing horse, dragons or Chinese symbols, but quite pretty girly  tattoos ( as one would come to expect from a Lady). So when I saw pictures of Jade Dernbach stripped and displaying not just 'sleeves' of tattoos but a flipping 'shirt' I began to wonder why????? My first though is what will it look like when he is 70 and no longer as fit and muscular as he is now. YUKKY not nice at all. I know each to their own, but .........


After the disgraceful sending home from the Lions tours, it looks as if Ben Stokes may have been handed an Ashes lifeline. My advice. Think about what you may be offered, think about representing your country and think less about how much beer you can swill. Also remember that no one man is a team!


And finally I have to go as Dame Didi is up and dressed and we have to go SHOPPING!!!!


Friday, 6 September 2013

It's a wet F(ryan)day




Oh no it's raining, and boy is it raining here in the North of blighty! Think that the Lady Lainey speedboat will be needed this morning..............if only.

However it is F(raynday) which means that you all get to see a fabby picture of His Royal Ryanness and also that it is the end of the working week. Also Dame Didi is coming to Tykes Towers for tea. M&S two dine for £10 it is then!

It is now only a short time until I am off to La belle France for fun and wine swilling with Dame Didi, the thought of dancing to the wee small hours glass in hand, to Maroon 5,oh the thought of midnight commando style raids on the next door neighbours, the thought of seeing the next door neighbour naked in the shower room.........................UURRRGGHHHH nearly  regurgitated my weetabix then!!!! So maybe just the first two???

Well it was a bad/good day yesterday in cricket as Durham bowled out Sussex for 0 ( OK only joking but it might as well have been) and taking former besty home county of Durham to the top of Division one! Not good for my Tykes but I still have complete faith in the boys and know that when they play next week they will make Lady Lainey a super proud Tyke Princess.

KP is apparently a crucial part of the inexperienced one day squad. Well I suppose if you want to learn how to swagger like a super model, learn to text the opposition and have a head so big that all changing room doors have to be made bigger, then he is crucial, however experience is gained by experience not by listening/watching to some squeaky voiced, ego inflated batsman. So ends the Friday rant!

And today sees the ODI bandwagon trundle into Headingley. Well the weather forecast is poo ( real meteorological term!) and it doesn't look as if a ball will be bowled, but hey I am no Michael Fish and stranger things have happened. however I hope that the England team, have pencil and paper so that they can play 'hangman'.

Elsewhere in the world they have launched the largest TV screen, an impressive 110in. Now Brighthouse will be inundated with requests for this!

Well looking out of the window I think that it is time to fire up the motor boat and head of to the equally wet climes of Ladylaineyworkville.
At least I get two days off after today!




Thursday, 5 September 2013

And so it is Thursday!





This time last week I was speeding ( OK driving like my granny) across the Moors to go and see my beloved Tykes taking on former besty home county of Durham at Scarbados. This week, I am putting on some slap, twirling my curls and donning my work tiara to go to look pretty for the day..................NOT FAIR!!! I want to spend my summers watching cricket, sitting in the sun and further adding to my, as yet unpublished photographic book 'Cricketers Posteriors'.

And the harsh reality is that I have to go to Super Swanky Lady Lainey office, to earn pennies for cricket jaunts, champagne swilling jaunts back home to France, super birthday bash jaunts  and of course for tiaras ( which are not getting any cheaper!). NOT FAIR!!!!


So before I have a fill blown tantrum best to see what was happening in the wacky world of cricket yesterday.

Well Durham were in looking in a commanding position against  Sussex as they bowled them  out for 112 with Durham overnight on  212-6.  Mitch Claydon bowled well as did Arshad and Onions. Durham do look to be in a strong position but you know, stranger things have happened than getting a high second innings score.

Chris Rushworth was unlucky with decisions when bowling ( a little bit like Scarbados), but I am sure that he will pull a rabbit out of the hat (OK I know its not a cricketing term!) later today!


Down in Southampton, former besty home team in the south ( who may redeem themselves for next season) were pulling up their socks and knuckling down to some hard graft after day one at the Aegeus Bowl. Brathwaite took another wicket  and I am saying nothing further on the subject!.


All eyes are on Headingley who are unveiling their new score board at the ODI tomorrow. Well I guess its a boy thing! I would be interested if Gillespie the Gallant and His Royal Ryanness were on top of it, but hey to me a mere girly, a scoreboard is a scoreboard, is a scoreboard.


Oh well time is running out and those boys will not do any work without the dulcet tones of I Lady Lainey shouting at them, before I settle down to file my nails.

Bon Journee

Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Lady Lainey gets on her high horse







Now regular readers will know that not only will Lady Lainey not really get on a high horse but Lady Lainey will not go within an hemisphere of the flipping smelly creatures because she is flipping scaredy of them ( and frogs and mice, even 'mickey' who lives by the fence in Dame Didi's garden at Chateau Saltburn). However today I am on my high horse as I feel a good old cricket rant coming on.

As I noted yesterday  Ruel Brathwaitewas  was released by Durham on Monday and promptly snapped up by former besty home county in the south Hampshire, where yesterday he made his first class debut....................and took two flipping wickets!!!! What the Donald Duck are they on at Durham???? I know that Ruel had hardly played a first class match for the county and was constantly relegated to the 2nds but this performance speaks volumes.#wheniamthekingofcricket!

Former besty home county of Durham meanwhile  were bowled out by Sussex for  245 and at the close of play Durham had taken Sussex to 60-3 with Onions taking two wickets and Mitch Claydon taking one. ( after being dragged back from Kent where he had been happily on loan). However Kent have announced that they are dragging Mitch back for the 2014 season. So now Durham are down two bowlers ( three if you included Steve Harmison but who does, he has done nothing for the last 3 seasons), looks as if there may be trouble ahead for the team! Today should be an entertaining day.


OK I am climbing down from the smelly animal now and continuing in the usual style!

England were in action against Ireland yesterday and there were lots of derogatory tweets about Lady Laineys new favourite, Michael Carberry. I stood my ground and refused to rise to the comments. England won with Morgan and Bopara making centuries.

Today sees continuing action around some of the counties with Yorkshire gearing themselves up for Friday when they are hosting England against Australia in the ODI series.

So lets have a quick look at the footy from last night

Woopdiflippingdo!  Sean Bean and I are happy bunnies ( judging by the pictures of him smooching with some young lady in the papers over the weekend he is a VERY happy bunny, Wedding cake Ahoy!!!).
The Blades won their match against Scunthorpe last night on penalties (5-3) sending them through to the next round of the Johnstone Paint trophy.

Oh deary me, looks like I jinxed Newton Aycliffe as they lost to Spennymoor in the FA Cup preliminary rounds. Final score 3-0. However West Auckland ( winners of the First World Cup and home of Granpa Robinson)  beat Harrogate Railway 4-2.

Tzarina Katerina has gone off on her latest jaunt and will be away for 25 nights. Now that makes for peace and quiet!
So without further ado, I will head off to super swanky Lady Lainey office to possibly give the boys a quiet day today ( due more to the fact that Job the Jolly appears to be on drugs as he is producing work quicker than I can sort it out!!!!)
This is going to have to be nipped in the bud!!!



Tuesday, 3 September 2013

How to play cricket like a pro!


Yes more pics of His Royal Ryanness

What a flipping day it was yesterday, I Lady Lainey had to go back to the office to drink gallons of coffee, shout at boys and wade through all the blinking work that they hadn't done whilst I was sunning myself in Scarbados and...................

......................Yorkshire CC XI were only in action with Gillespie the Gallant playing!!! How come no one told me???  How come I missed seeing him go out in whites again???? #gutted.

And then His Royal Ryanness only went and launched his own cricket academy!
http://www.ryansidebottomcricketacademy.co.uk/ ,
 this is however only for children and juniors! do you think that I can slip through???? Do you think that anyone would notice that I was the 'biggest girl' in the group???? No I thought not either!!!. Well done Ryan on helping to get children out there playing cricket and bringing the stars of the future through.

 And if you need anyone to do the cricket teas I am always available!!!

Please take the time to check out the website and see exactly what is on offer for children. ( lots of info as I have read through it all even though I don't have any little treasures to send).

THEN , former besty home county of Durham only went and released Ruel Brathwaite! who was then snapped up by former besty home county in the south, Hampshire, where it looks as if he is going out in the first team, something that didn't happen at Durham, however I will save that rant for another day.  TBC.

THEN I hear that super polite boy Jamie Harrison has gone and gotten himself injured!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! along with Mark Wood which means that Mitch Clayden is being dragged kicking and screaming back from Kent. TBC

All the above however does add more excitement to the title race ( which we all know that my Tykes are going to win).

OK so moving quickly over to footy ( well it is that time of the year again)

The Blades are in Johnstones Paint Trophy action  tonight against Scunthorpe.

Newton Aycliffe are taking on Spennymoor in  FA Cup qualifying preliminary round ( Yeah cos Aycliffe are going to Wembley! NOT!!!!!)


Birmingham are not in action which gives cousin Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo a break from all things captainy. Probably trying to cope with his own little footy team!!!!!!


And so with all the nonsense emptied out of my head for another day I am off to super swanky Lady Lainey office where I think a bacon and egg butty may be the first thing on the agenda, then I will shout at the boys and drink copious amounts of coffee, whilst looking pretty and filing my nails. Its a flipping hard life this working lark!


What a couple of posers!!! 

Monday, 2 September 2013

New week, new match




So all the excitement and entertainment of cricket last week is now a distant memory, as I have tried to extract myself from my bed this morning.Not flipping easy, the mornings are darker and the flipping wind is blowing a gale outside.

However I am endeavouring to do my best to be full of the joys of Spring  Autumn as I am about to clamber into Lady Lainey limo and head off to super swanky Lady Lainey office to (probably) do a heap of work that the boys didn't do last week whilst I was away.

This week sees former besty home county of Durham in action at home whilst besty home county of Yorkshire are in action next week and so this week are getting a bit of R & R and catching up in Emmerdale and Bargain Hunt!.

Durham are at The Riverside taking on Sussex and it is plain to see that we are at the end of the season as start times are 10.30am. I am sure that they will play well, but I flipping need them to play badly to give my Tykes the championship. OMG what a flipping 'do'. Sussex are also in 3rd position in the table so it is not going to be an easy match.

Poor old Derbyshire look as if they may be going down this season as Surrey managed to secure a win for the first time.

I have posted a super fabby picture of his Royal Ryanness even though it isn't F( ryan)day. ( every flipping day is F(ryan) day in my house). And talking about my house.....................I have only purchased some 'little men' for a super secret project which may be started this year or may have to wait until next Spring. Can you wait that long for more info????

Well I suppose I will cut this short and head off to super swanky Lady Lainey office, once again I start the week sooooooo flipping tired. I need to get more sleep!! Well I suppose I have all winter to do it!

Until tomorrow when hopefully I will have lots of witty banter and gossip for you all.





Sunday, 1 September 2013

Back to washing and sleeping.




Well today  it is all back to reality for I, Lady Lainey, gone are the heady days of sunny myself in Scarbados, drinking copious amounts of coffee with Daddy Rushworth and shouting at boys ( both Yorkshire and Durham boys I may add!). Now it is back to the mundane rounds of washing, housework and going back to work.

So to the final day at Scarbados  and before any cricket  took place I Lady Lainey was having a little walk up Marine Road to kill time before going into the ground, when sudden a man stepped in front of me and said 'Good morning' I quickly looked up and saw that it was Gillespie the Gallant!  I said 'Good moring' and asked how he was, before wandering on, and bumping into Liam Plunkett.#totallydistractedbydizzy


Then to the game which needed former besty home county of Durham to bowl out besty home county of Yorkshire quickly However those Tykes had other ideas and although Christopher Rushworth picked up three scalps along the way much to the understated delight of Daddy Rushworth!. Yorkshire were all out for for 419 with his Royal Ryanness putting up a stand with Liam Plunkett and Jackie Brooks  and then Durham went back into bat.


OMG!!His Royal Ryanness took out Mark Stoneman with the first ball of the innings. The crowd went wild and expectations were running high. Sadly it was not to be and Durham made there needed 124 to win the match, Daddy Rushworth was ecstatic and I Lady lainey was in a real quandry!. Durham picked up 24 points with Yorkshire picking up 4. They are now only 5.5 points ahead of Durham and need to really up there game and thrash the life out of their up coming opposition.

The only downside was that Chris Rushworth thought that I was the mother of the son of 'would like to be Lord Lainey'. NO NO and NO again. He may have very similar hair to me but I am not nor would ever want to be related to him!

And so today as I pack up Lady Lainey limo and leave chateau Saltburn where I have set up camp for the last 3 nights, I am sad that I will be in La Belle France this year at the end of the season as it is going to be very close.


#COYT