Sunday, 30 June 2013

Sneezy Sunday










OK so I may not be one of Snow Whites seven dwarfs but flipping heck I nearly cracked a rib yesterday with my constant sneezing!! Even after I took TWO one-a -day hay fever tablets the only effect it had on me is that I slept most of the day. Mr Funky text and rang ( whilst I was sleeping) to say that he was coming to cut the Deer Park...............................don't think so!! I didn't need anything else to make me sneeze.

This morning I woke up at 4.00am and thought 'woohoo nose not running, throat not constricted' and then I started sneezing again! so think that I may be trapped within the confines of Tykes Towers again today.

Well today is the British Grand Prix and LH has pole position. He said that 'winning is not enough' for goodness sake what else is there??? #stupidboy!

Baron Button is way down the order. Come on Jenson what the flip are you doing?  Too much triathlon I think.

Over in cricket Australia did in fact cruise to a win over Somerset with a six wicket win. This will indeed have given the team a boost and this week see's the start of the the Ashes tests so I do really think that now anything can happen.


The Champions Trophy is to be axed by the ICC and replaced with 'World Test Championship' This was  announced along with the news that England will host the inaugural test in 2017. Hope the weather stays fine.


Dame Didi spent yesterday in Corsica, no she hadn't flown out for a jolly but was firmly ensconced in front of the telly watching Le Tour de France. This is the opening stages and already has hit horrid times ( or a bus in this case) The said bus was stuck at the finishing line The bus was stuck under the finishing line banner and eventually the cyclists came into view there was a touch of wheels and a mass of bodies. Luckily Mark Cavendish ws not involved in the crash but one of his team mates was. All that aside the views of Corsica have only made I, Lady Lainey to put that on my list of places to go to visit.

As I type she is no doubt out on her tricycle with the shiny bell doing 'Le Tour de Saltburn' or maybe not!!!

Allez le tour!!.

BABY WATCH

Luckily the very lovely Duchess of Cambridge is still avoidign the 'paps' and is probably 'nesting'. So today the royal reports in the paper are regarding the style changes of the Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie. .............hmmm well...........they appear to have inherited their mothers style.#notgoodlooks.

Saturday, 29 June 2013

Time to get a wriggle on




Got to try to type this quickly as I am having tres terrible times with my boadband which comes and goes with increasing regularity. I am getting jolly cross I can tell you.

I didn't go to Chester le Street last night which as not really as big a blow as I thought as I stayed in with Jack.However Durham lost to Lancashire so not a great start to their T20 campaign.


However Yorkshire were home to Derbyshire and they too lost!! what was going on there??? Well it appears that Derbyshire settled the match with a winning last over which would have made the evening really exciting.


It appears that Australia are close to winning against Somerset which will give the team a boost.

We had a super lunch for the retirement of Dan Dan no longer cowboy draughtsman, and had a jolly good laugh to boot!.


Today I am hoping that Paul the window man will come to measure up to give me super flipping new window sills. All shiny and plastic and easy to look after, which will in turn make the windows look super smart.

Apart form that it will be the usual washing, housework and Jack Bauer today.

I also am going to get paperwork put away and that in turn will make the 'office' look super tidy.

OK I know it's very short but I am really trying to get this posted before my broad band cuts out again and I lose all my scribblings ( as I have already done about 20 times)

so have a super Saturday and enjoy!


Friday, 28 June 2013

365 blogs and it's F(ryan)day







Well it is now 365 blogs but not actually the first birthday of 'Tales from the Boundary'.  That is next week so keep your eyes peeled for super flipping jolly celebrations and japes. wow have I bee busy over the last 12 months writing all my rubbish for you all to enjoy!

So today is F(ryan)day and also it is the day that Dan Dan Cowboy Draughtsman retires ( again). Sir Simon of Staines is going to honour us with his presence and we will all be partaking in a jolly repast at the 'Blue Lagoon' 'Retro' ( means not been redone since the 70's) restaurant in Lady Lainey workville. Hope that boys are paying otherwise their little hands will be sore from doing the washing up!

At The Oval last night lots of 'peeps' had turned out to see the much hyped return of the ego. However they were thwarted by the weather which is some ways is good as the score of England 2-1 was not a good start. it was a capacity crowd, so there will have been a few disappointed faces wending their way back to the tube,


Eoin Morgan is 'crocked' already having broken a finger ( nail?) in the champions trophy final. He is due to have an operation ( manicure?) today. followed by a french manicure? or maybe some foils?

Tonight see the start of the T20 campaign of besty home county of Yorkshire and former besty home county of Durham. Durham are home to Lancashire and i Lady Lainey will not be there due to Pauly Paul and Mr Funky being on strange 3-11 shift and neither taking any hols. I tell you if Oliver Newby is playing I will be jolly flipping cross. They had suggested that Mr Funky give 'would like to be Lord lainey' a call to see if he wanted to accompany me, I said that I would rather sit in Tykes Towers and poke stick into my eyes!!!

My Tykey Vikings  are in action against Derbyshire, now that I would like to see but sadly cannot speed down the M1 in time #coyt. I shall be tuned in via the wireless to keep up with what is happening.

BABY WATCH

We are now possibly about two weeks away from a new Royal baby and The Duchess of Cambridge is taking a step back from Royal duties, however the 'paps' are out in force trying to catch any pics of her that they can. When this fails they hound her mum. And then her sister #zlistceleb

Well got to make myself pretty ready for super day in super swanky Lady Lainey office. Hope Dan Dan likes his pressies!



Thursday, 27 June 2013

For Troy









You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.


David Harkins (1959 -     )





Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Gingielocks and the three boys











Well Job the Jolly and Pony Paul are back from Bristol , Dan Dan cowboy draughtsman will be sleeping in his office which means that we are back up to full capacity in super swanky Lady Lainey office .  So that makes everything just right!!

Which is more than can be said for my gingilocks, which are proving resistant to constant bombardment of vosene, in desperate attempt to tone down the mental hair colour. I dare not venture down to the very bottom of Ladylaineyworkville  High Street for fear of being mobbed by teeny tiny 'people' who think that I am Ronald Mc Donald!!!!!

Hats seem to be the order of the day although work suit and baseball cap is not a good combination!

However it is hats off and in the air in the Robinson/Walker household as we all jump up and down with excitement as cousin Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo not only gets another season at Birmingham City but they only went and made him Captain!! WOW!!! Hooligan the Captain! Tres impressed. #coyb ( well spotted by Pauly Paul and  thanks for tweeting it to me yesterday).

As stated on the Birmingham City website RT Hon Hooligan 'ticked all the boxes' for a leader on and off the pitch.  Lee Clark also said about my 34 year old cousin 'He knows when the time is to give someone an arm round the shoulder and some encouragement, and when the time is to give a kick up the backside'  Probably not wise to give him carte blanche to do that!!!!! He will probably end up with a ' carte rouge!'


The T20 season is upon us  ans England were in action against New Zealand. What a shower of S***e that turned out to be. England were set 202 to win which in T20 terms is achievable and made hard work of it . Luke Wright put on 52 but England fell 6 runs short of winning. Oh well there is always another game!.

Matthew Hoggard ( he of the 'bad hair') has seen the light as far a Australia go. He said that England should beware as the appointment of Darrren Lehman as new coach may be the lift that the Aussies need. See I told you to watch them, they have been lulling England into a false sense of security and they don't need any help doing that.

God news from Durham as it was announced yesterday that Geoff Cook had regained consciousness after suffering a heart attack last week. We are all hoping that he now makes a full recovery.

I am waiting for the postman to arrive in hopes that Durham have responded to my letter regarding the loutish behaviour by certain factions at the ground on Saturday. #maybealongwait.



Tuesday, 25 June 2013

Tuesday and peace......





If you wannabe a PD you got to do the training




..............and quiet in super swanky Lady Lainey office as Job the Jolly and Pony Paul are off to Bristol and Dan Dan cowboy draughtsman will be asleep in his office. So I will be able to file my nails, looking flipping pretty, drink gallons of coffee............and make the office look tidy as we have visitors later in the week. I wish we were in a paper free office!!!


Sadly no peace and quiet for 'wannabe' PD's Bart & Moby who are at the beginning of their Police Dog training. Good luck to them both  and hope to see them out on the 'beat' soon.

Former Sir Robert of Solihull ( now Vicroy of Singapore) was spoiling my lunch yesterday with wonderful pics of Singapore, the beach, cold alcoholic beverages and more, via Facebook messenger. I have to admit to being a tad envious but then realised that he may be in Singapore with smog and humidity but I am here in the North east of Blighty and have Crimdon Dene, Seaton Carew, and Roker Beach all at my doorstep. Who needs more than a dip in the North Sea ( you probably need a tetanus jab after that!).


Surrey and Yorkshire drew which gave Yorkshire 5 points which kept them at the top of the table but Durham have a game in hand. Early days yet but #coyt.

Australia have named Darren Lehman as coach of the team for the remainder of the tour (hopefully). The former Yorkshire batsman who had been coaching the Australia A team takes charge immediately.


The rumours are flying that Joe Root has an opening spot in the Ashes team. Joe had moved up the batting order due to Compton being omitted from the squad. Jeff Miller said that they believe that Joe is one of the best opening batsman at this time. Come on Joe and show them what you are made of.


Strawberries and lashings of cream were in abundance yesterday for the start of Wimbledon which saw Rafael Nadal knocked out in the first round. He refused to blame a knee injury on his shock exit and in a sportsman like approach to his defeat  said it was not a tragedy. well now he has more time to whoop it up in London and do a spot of shopping ( top tip from Lady Lainey ).

Andy Murray made it through the first round!

Well I am about to hit the road and tootle off to jolly old work. So have a great Tuesday and big 'woofs' to Bart and Moby.

Monday, 24 June 2013

And so it's back to work!










How on earth is it, that the weekend goes so flipping quickly? where as Thursday and Friday seem to drag over before the weekend? I think that this is a mystery that will never be solved.
And so today is Monday and I am up, showered and dressed, but not even remotely ready for a week at work. Ho hum, best to get this written and then go and face the chaos that is super swanky Lady Lainey office

They weekend has been a little bit mad in the Cricket world and where to start on what happened yesterday......... well lets head straight over to the centre of the cricket universe, Headingley.
Well the ego landed and put on 177 ( he will be out for the remainder of the season in about 2 weeks mark my words!) which was pretty good going for the old boy. The hacks are saying he is sending out a huge warning to the Aussies ahead of the Ashes, well he could just text them like he did South Africa!
Final day today so #coyt.

And then there are the Australians, who have been thrown further into turmoil as they have sacked their coach Mickey Arthur  with just 16 days to go before the start of the test. There were claims of poor coaching, poor performances and disciplinary issues. Hey why not just bring KP in to do the job and keep it all above board? #mythoughtsonly.

And so to England,well at the latter part of the week how the cricket hacks were blabbing about how wonderful England are, today the post mortem of the 5 run loss against India in the champions Trophy reads slightly differently. Well here is the 'Lady Laineyeye view' on the match.

chasing only 130 runs in 20 overs, and taking themselves to 110-4. As Cook said 'From that position, you back yourself to win more times than you lose, its a tough pill to swallow. We are devastated'.

Error number one, DO NOT count your runs before you have made them
Error number two  DO NOT let the Aussie know that you are 'devastated' by a loss prior to the Ashes ( they may be in turmoil but they are regrouping!)

Error number three  DO NOT be a 'wingeing ' captain, take it on the chin and be a man!

So they lost and now they have to move on.

WOW how did all that get crammed into one day. And I was busy in the Towers doing houseworky things and eBaying.

Oh well time and tide wait for no Lady Lainey, so off to super swanky Lady Lainey office to shout at the boys, who will have missed that over the weekend! NOT!!!!


Sunday, 23 June 2013

Things that I Lady lainey have learnt of late






The old saying goes that you can't teach an old dog new tricks........well I beg to differ. Firstly let me quickly say that I am not referring to myself as an old dog ( no need for anyone to comment on that!). However in the past few months I have learnt a few things the hard way

  1. Even your oldest friend can let you down spectacularly
  2. S**t happens (most days in Tykes Towers and I don't mean that literally)
  3. You cannot take on other peoples problems
  4. Never wait for tradesman to come at allotted time !!!
  5. NEVER EVER EVER EVER DYE YOUR HAIR WHEN YOU HAVE HAD A COUPLE OF SHANDIES!!!!
So today as I head out to the shops, I will be wearing a very fetching Emirates  baseball cap ( as acquired at last seasons T20's). Needless to say this evening I will be trying to tone down the 'orangeness' with some Vosene.

So yesterday we all set off in Mr Funky's big blue tank thing and headed off to The Riverside Ground to watch former besty home county of Durham against former besty team in the South, Hampshire. After early morning biblical floods, the sun was out and the sky was blue, so all looked good. Durham won the toss and elected to bowl with Chris Rushworth making short work of the Hampshire side. However not  before the wonderful Michael Carberry got injured!
We all had a spot of tea and then it rained! and play stopped. Carberry was out due to hand injury and then Dimi Mascarenhas came off having injured his leg! flipping heck it was all happening. When it restated the D/L ruling came into play which gave Durham the upper hand and they won! Only after Mr Funky and Pauly Paul had set up the 'Colley Crush Crew' and where jabbering away about the merits of the Durham Team captain. Funny that they never mentioned the words 'stroppy', 'prima donna' 'cricket diva!'.
On the down side jolly bad non cricket behaviour was shown by some 'fans' on a jolly from work in the 'hostility boxes'. Constant chiding of the Hampshire players and loud and drunken behaviour. Not on! If that had been I, Lady Lainey the fat controller would have escorted me from the ground and taken away my Gold Membership.
Quill to paper as we speak. #don'tupsetherladyship.

over at Headingley centre of the cricket universe, Yorkshire were frustrated by the weather and lost nearly 40 overs due to rain. Captain Andrew Gale was eventually out for a stunning innings of 148. Excellent cricket, helped by Liam Plunkett who made 51. His Royal Ryanness made some brave attempts at taking wickets but it was Jack Brooks who took the first after his return from injury.
The expected return of the ego is upon us so lets see what today holds.

So today is dry(ish) after more monsoon like rain overnight and I am planning to get Tykes Towers into some sort of order before settling down this afternoon with Jack Bauer. The perfect end to the weekend!

Oh no back to work tomorrow!!!



Saturday, 22 June 2013

Heat wave is over???



So it's Saturday and it is a cricket day and it is cold and raining!!! Well what did I expect, sunshine?

I am trying to get organised as I have Miles the Landscaper arriving at Tykes Towers at 8.30am to measure and give me a quote to have super new high fence put up in the extensive grounds. am guessing that this is going to be the same as the cost of a couple of good tiaras, but at least it will stop nosey people trying to get a glimpse of I, Lady Lainey.

Then I have to go shopping for the lunches for the boys , then I have to prepare tea for Mr Funky, Pauly Paul and myself and then if I have time I will do another load of washing, and all this BEFORE I get my curls in order and toddle off to cricket.

Over at Headingley ( the centre of the cricket universe) Yorkshire were in action against Surrey. KP was back and  with a rear bowling stint and a dropped catch, the ego had landed. Yorkshire were batting and put on 292 runs for the loss of 5 wickets. Gale was 114 not out overnight! #coyt


No further news on Geoff Cook, here's hoping that he gets well very soon. 2nd X1 coach Jon Lewis has stepped up to take charge in Geoff's absence assisted by Alan Walker ( now that  I really must see) and the team have been in continued preparation for their match against Hampshire today ( rain permitting).

Had a quick chat with Comtess Raye of Eaastcote last night and we are hoping that if I get my act together tomorrow we will be able to 'skype' each other which will make it easier to show  all the bargains that we have nabbed at the charity shop. ( new full length mirror for me!)


And so it is a short one today and I am off to do all manner of worky type things before donning my thermals and wrapping up warm to head off to the Riverside Ground to see Durham probably get stuffed by  former besty county in the South.Hampshire.


And finally Sir Robert of Solihull is flying off to new life in Singapore and now takes on his new title of Viceroy. Good luck Rob and I will see you soon at the Raffles Hotel for Singapore Slings!!!

Have a super Saturday


Friday, 21 June 2013

Fun day for PD Harry? and its F(ryan)day




cheer up Ryan it's F(ryan)day!!!



Whoop di flipping dooo!!! it is F(ryan)day and the weekend is upon us, time to let my flipping orange curls down and go and whoop it up..............at least if I misbehave slightly tonight I won't be getting 'nabbed' by PD Harry, as today is the day that he retires from duty. I am sort of wondering if they have a 'bit of a do' at the kennels, doggy biscuits, dog food cake, bones and lots of water and then run around until they are sick .........................and that's just the handlers!!!!!

Have a super retirement Harry and I am sure that  you will love chilling out. I flipping wish I was up for retirement, cos I am blinking worn out, what with handbag,shoe and tiara shopping, looking pretty and of course shouting at the boys at super swanky Lady Lainey office.
Put your paws up  Harry and chillax!!! (www.pawsup.org.uk)


Also news of another retirement but this time in the crazy world of cricket. Ricky Ponting has announced that in October he will retire from all forms of cricket. However before that he will be at Surrey until July and then in Antigua playing in the Caribbean Premier League before rounding off his career in Champions League action with The Mumbai Indians on October 6th. WOW he deserves to retire after all that!


So today besty home county of Yorkshire are in action against Surrey. Nappy news for the team, Tim Bresnan and his wife had had a new addition to their team, a little boy. Congratulations. #tinytyke.

Coach of former besty home county of Durham was rushed from The Riverside ground to hospital yesterday with a suspected heart attack. Much as I have been scathing in my views of his role at the club, I wish him a full and speedy recovery and hope to see him at the ground soon.


England will be taking on India in the Champions Trophy on Sunday. Not even making any guesses on the outcome

News that has left a bitter taste in the mouth of I, Lady Lainey is that KP has been named in the England T20 squad, now this begs the question, how can someone who has spent the last few months injured possibly be named! Well let me tell you when I am the 'King' of Cricket things will be very different. oh yes indeedy, none of this 'I am the greatest player' nonsense, non of this drinking and misbehaving on tour. Everyone in bed by 8pm with the lights out, or naughty step and sending home for them. There would only be room for one ego...............MINE!!!



  
And so my ego and I are off to see the end of the working week in super swanky Lady Lainey office and it is raining and grey...........................only to be expected as it is the first day of summer!!



PD Harry  whooping it up as he retires!


Thursday, 20 June 2013

INGERLAND, INGERLAND,INGERLAND



OMG. England have only gone and got through to the Champions Trophy final on Sunday ( who they play is yet to be decided).I am thinking that the new red 'jim jams' may be having the desired effect on the team ( having a bit of a Trinny and Susannah moment there).
 In what can only be described as an underperformance from South Africa, England won by 7 wickets. Trott and (of course) Joe Root put on the most runs and Broad and Treadwell taking the majority of the wickets. They are looking good and in no need of the ego which is KP. The team seem to have settled in together. However lets see what Sunday holds.


Tomorrow sees the much (not ) awaited return to first class cricket of the aforementioned KP and he is only playing against my Tykes. So the team talk goes somewhere along the lines of ........


Gillespie the Gallant  Ok Possoms, here is the plan of action today, first bowler to get KP out gets a free Toby Carvery, but no beans or beetroot.

His Royal Ryanness That'll be me then boss!

Gillespie the Gallant  If you get him out in both innings, I will make sure you get a favourable write up in the blog of the super wonderful Lady Lainey

His Royal Ryanness Oh no boss, she writes about me every day #stalker!


Former besty home county of Durham are not in action until Saturday, so I will be packing up the grub and making flasks of coffee ( and one of chilled wine for her ladyship).

It had been a busy night on Tuesday for the dogs of the K9 unit of Durham Constabulary, whilst the Royal hounds where all snuggled up in bed ( with Countess Christine of Mcnally and Tim'll fix it), the wonderful dogs of the unit where out chasing burglars and car thieves, no sleep for them, they  had to catch 40 winks when back at  home

PD Lenny


Well super swanky Lady Lainey office will not run itself so time to get into the Lady Lainey limo and motor off to shout at boys, look super pretty and drink gallons of coffee...............its a hard life!!!


Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Wow its been SCORCHIO!!!!









Wooohooo it was so flipping hot yesterday that I sat in the garden of super swanky Lady Lainey office at lunchtime and munched my sandwich, whilst soaking up the rays. Blinking baking it was! And I am now a lovely shade of brown on my arms and feet ( due to having trousers on). I was going to roll my trousers up but thought that it was not a good look for I, Lady Lainey.

However looking out of the windows here at Tykes Towers now (6.10am) it is not quite so lovely and I am guessing that the sun may not shine today.........lets see though cos I ain't no Michael Fish.

Super fabby news is that The Duke of Adelaide is back after going deep undercover. He was proudly showing me the photos of his first ever snowman. ( made when he was in London in the New Year). I had not fully appreciated that  due to living down under he had never made a snow man before!
I, Lady Lainey am flipping glad he is back, now all he has to do is to find a job. Offered him a gardening job at Tykes Towers but sadly logistics where the problem.


Over in cricket England are saying that they will not play Graeme Swann in the semi final of the Champions Trophy, so as not to risk his over all fitness????? He has played only one of Englands three group matches due to back and calf injuries. so once again I, Lady Lainey am asking why is a crock on the team. In the words of Achilles in the fantastic film Troy ' Is there no one else?'

Also the (boring) ball tampering row rolls on with South Africa now having a little dig. Oh well it is a slow day in  cricket so I guess any news is news!!!!


And finally today we have picture of PD Mac ( retired). He was originally at Hertfordshire Constabulary, so not sure how he got on understanding all the 'northern' dogs when he came up to Durham! He retired in 2012 but not before doing his fair share of work including being involved in  policing of 'T in the Park'. He now is enjoying his retirement and long may it continue.


He is one of the many stars  on www.pawsup.org.uk  If you want to see him and many others check out the 'Retired Dogs' section

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Trouble brewing in Surrey.....




Harry




Holy flipping Moly there is major trouble in the crazy world of cricket, yesterday it was announced that  Chris Adams and   Ian Salisbury at Surrey were no longer with the club ( very wise to jump ship before KP swaggers back if you ask me) and Alec Stewart and Stuart Barnes have stepped temporarily into the breach. They will be at the helm for the game on Friday against The Tykes. Very unusual for staff to go mid season, big changes afoot????? We will have to wait and see.

Also my Tykes announced that sadly David Miller will not be joining them again this year for the T20, everyone seems a tad glum about this and with good cause as he fitted well into the team last season. However his decision is based on the fact that he needs some time off from cricket ......however poo happens and to be honest they will be fine...........


........which is more than can be said for Australia who are now out of The Champions Trophy. Who would have seen that happening???? Probably everyone!


I have put in this link to a story in todays Daily Mail which just shows that 'elf' and safety has gone mad in this country. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2343318/37-years-Village-cricketers-banned-practising-hard-balls-decades-playing-field-health-safety-fears.html
What is the United Kingdom coming too???


Over at 'Paws Up' PD Harry  ( see above) is in his last week of work before he retires, fun times ahead for him methinks. What a  handsome boy he is ( I hope the Royal Hounds aren't reading this they will be getting a tad jealous).
 I hope that his last week at work is not too hectic. For more info on active and retired dogs from Durham  Constabulary log onto www.pawsup.org.uk.( brilliant photo gallery and full info on all the wonderful Police dogs)

I think that you all know how much I love doggies, the sad thing is that due having to go to work at super swanky Lady Lainey office to earn pennies for new tiaras, I am not able to have a ' furry friend' to hug and kiss and love. Mores the pity as  they are much better company than boys!!!

Good news at Buckingham Palace, The Duke of Edinburgh went home from hospital yesterday. May he continue to get better.

News from Tykes Towers, I am now on series 6 of '24'. Jack Bauer does get himself into some scrapes doesn't he? Also hoping to get the rest of the garage roof finished this week................if I can tear myself away from Jack.

Well have to tear myself away from the typewriter thingamyjig now and get into Lady Lainey limo to pootle off to super swanky lady Lainey office. Hope those boys have my coffee on my desk or there will be Big trouble.




Monday, 17 June 2013

Kaizer steals the limelight




Well Sunday was a good day at the cricket former besty home county of Durham took on Scotland and bowled them out 91 which was a shame, but then at the interval the usherette came round with choc ices, Kia Ora and  sweeties........................hold on a minute that was in the 'olden' days at the cinema when you could sit through a film as many times as you liked!.

So in the interval there was a Police dog training display which was brilliant. This was  to highlight the charity for retired Police dogs in Durham County because they don't end their working life on a full salary pension, not even a bag of special doggy treats. So if you want to take a look at what they get up to when they retire log onto   http://www.pawsup.org.uk/    better still sign up to donate, buy a 'Bob' or even dress your own dog up in a 'Paws up' bandana. #trescool!

Really lovely to see the dogs there although they missed a couple  shady characters which I am sure they would have liked to have had a 'go' at.


shady characters!

Back to the cricket and Durham went on to win the match and Mr Funky, Pauly Paul and I Lady Lainey were all home before it was really tea time!!!

However Yorkshire were not having the same kind of day. They were in Bristol playing Gloucestershire and very sadly lost by 36 runs.His Royal Ryanness was not playing, which may not have made any difference. Gillespie the Gallant went onto Twitter to say that they were outplayed. Well onward and upward to my Tykey Vikings.

England were in action and beat New Zealand to reach the semi finals of the champions trophy, and good old Tim Bresnan took a couple of wickets.


However the news is that KP is back on the circuit on Friday after three months out with injury. OMG just what we have all been waiting for. The ego returns!!!!!!  now where are those Police dogs when you need them???????????????????????


PD Kaizer

Sunday, 16 June 2013

Sunny Sunday ....at the moment



Well it's 7.30m and the sun is shining, o lets hope that today is warm, unlike most other days when I have gone to watch former besty home county of Durham take on Scotland. On one occasion it was so cold I had to wear Mr Funky's 'burglers' hat ( never a good look) and we even went home early as we were freezing our 'whatnots' off. So here's hoping that today we will be basking in sunshine and having a good day.

A good day was had yesterday when Dame Didi showed up at Tykes Towers carrying a new food processor for I Lady Lainey. Yes now I can chop and grate without the fear of my finger nails ending up in the mix. I am so excited and cannot wait to flipping well use it.

Besty home county of Yorkshire have travelled down to Bristol ( following in the footsteps of Job the Jolly and Pony Paul earlier in the week) for their YB40 match today, Good luck boys and #coyt.

India maintained their 100% record in the champions Trophy and bet Pakistan.

The England ball tampering row rattles on with Ashley Giles denying allegations by Bob Willis. Oh dear what is cricket coming too!

BABY WATCH

Yesterday was the Trooping of the Colour and the Queen looked amazing in a beautiful outfit of Sapphire blue. The Duchess of Cambridge was there too on her last public engagement before the much awaited ( here in Tykes Towersm, cos I loves babies) birth of the future heir to the throne.It was a wonderful display of pageantry however notably absent was the Duke of Edinburgh who is still in hospital.

Another baby was born this weekend that of the (famous for not being famous) much hyped Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. The baby arrived a month early and no name has been released as yet. My choices are

  1. Kartier
  2. Karter
  3. Khloe
  4. Kosmic
  5. KASH!!! ( which is what they will make a lot of from this baby!)
I think you get the drift!


Well news is brief as the orange curls will not wash themselves and I have to pack up tea as we are being joined by Pauly Paul today. so have a sunny Sunday and...........

Happy Fathers Day to all the Daddy's in the world





Saturday, 15 June 2013

Lie in Saturday


So last night Kiefer Sutherland/ Jack Bauer was back at Tykes Towers after being released from prison.......only to be handed over to terrorists! What the flipping heck are CTU up to??? However in the real world, I, Lady Lainey had been tres busy, painting some more of the wrought iron railings ( yes its that time of the year again) and also painting acrypol on the garage roof. My nails now have a waterproof, rubberised coating which is guaranteed for 75 years!!

I am trying to crack on and get more jobs done at the house, this afternoon Mr Funky the chauffeur is coming round to help me a I am a bit scaredy going up the ladder onto the garage roof, being as I is afraidy of heights. ( OK the garage isn't that high but add my 6ft 3in onto that and you get the picture).

All told I am really going to get all the outside jobs at Tykes Towers done and then I can get back to doing the inside.
So lets see how Yorkshire were cracking on yesterday at The Home of Cricket on their final day. Well they only flipping well went and won by 10 wickets after bowling Middlesex  out and only needing 5 to win the match. His Royal Ryanness was in the bowling haul taking 4 wickets over the 2 innings.

The Tykes are now 8.5 points clear of former besty home county of Durham who dramatically beat Warwickshire on the 3rd day of their match. This gives Durham some R & R ready for tomorrow.

Essex have not had a good few days as they were bowled out for 20 runs, their lowest first class score EVER!!!

South Africa are through to the semi finals of the champions Trophy after a tie with the West Indies in a match that was dogged by rain.

Oh dear a former Prime Minister is being rumoured to have had an affair! The Internet is a buzzing with such claim. No doubt trial by tabloid will take place over the next few weeks as I doubt that this will be allowed to die down.

Well now I am off to see Sir Kevin and the fair Lady hazel and do a bit for charity ( I did that for 5 years when I was married to the former Lord Lainey!)

Have a super Saturday!


Friday, 14 June 2013

Flipping heck it is F(ryan)day Again!!



Would you 'Adam and Eve' it, it is only flipping F(ryan)day again and over in the crazy world of cricket the 'big fight' from last Saturday still rolls on, time for the press to let it go methinks. The deed was done, an apology was made, and although Warner wasn't put on the boat back to Oz, time to close the book on it.

That said, over at The Home of Cricket ,Yorkshire made a day of it yesterday with the Liam Plunkett and Steve Patterson both taking 4 wickets a piece. Middlesex limped to the end of their first innings and were made to follow on, close of play brought their score to 137-4. Today is the last day so its a huge #COYT

Over at former besty home county of Durham, Warwickshire were trying to stage a comeback after Ben Stokes ( another naughty boy when on tour) took a four wicket haul to earn his side a first innings lead. Mr Funky 'popped' round last night and hthe decision has been made to not go tomorrow as it will just be a case of 'cleaning up'. So we are going on Sunday to (probably freeze if past years are anything to go by) to see them play Scotland. No doubt Mr funky will be donning his kilt and doing the Highland Fling every time Scotland take a wicket 9 been as he has some Scots blood in him),

England lost their match against Sri Lanka in the champions trophy, well not really a lot that you can say apart form PULL YOUR FLIPPING SOCKS UP!


BABY WATCH

The very pregnant Duchess of Cambridge was in Southampton yesterday, launching a ship. And she only went and smashed a flipping giant massive bottle of champagne ( Nebuchadnezzar) over it. What was she thinking, that would have been perfect for I Lady lainey to settle down with on Party F(ryan)day  evenings!!! She was looking very well and this is her last solo engagement before the arrival of the newest member of the royal family next month.


WEEKEND UPDATE

so no cricket tomorrow and going to visit friends from former Lady laineyville Sir Kevin and the fair lady Hazel, who are having a coffee morning to put some pennies into the coffers of their fund to send pressies to less fortunate children at Christmas. Worth going to I think

And with that I am off to do some work................yes really do some work.................well for a few minutes at least!


Thursday, 13 June 2013

Naughty, Naughty







So news filtered through yesterday about Australian cricketer David Warner 'attacking' an 'unnamed' England player in a bar after the England/Australia match on Saturday. According to Twitter the 'unnamed 'England player was none other than Joe Root. Warner has apologised and Root was not injured in the unprovoked altercation. Now this apparently happened in the wee small hours when I Lady Lainey would be fast asleep ( and dreaming of Jack Bauer) and more to the point well past Joe Roots bedtime!!! What the flipping heck is that all about!!
Last month Warner was fined for comments that he made on Twitter and now this, I am afraid that even I have to admit that Australia look to be coming unstuck.

As for Joe Root, he should be put on the naughty step for staying out late and possibly drinking something stronger than Dandelion and Burdock.
Seriously what is going on with the Australian team! #meltdown

So over at the Home of Cricket Yorkshire took to day three and Gale made 103 the Tykes finished on 390 all out. Middlesex went  into  bat and closed the day on 16-1. Last day today so lets see what happens.

Durham were in action at The Riverside playing Warwickshire and  were all out for 267, no one made a notable innings ( and we are surprised because...???) Warwickshire were  31-1 in reply at the close of play.

The Champions trophy match with Australia and New Zealand was abandoned because of rain.

Today the sun is shining but it has been raining hard over night, the sky is blue and grey so to be honest it could swing any way.

So with all the shenanigans in the cricket world , I am amazed that it is not only  I Lady Lainey that has been having a tough time. However over the last few weeks,I have being involved in an assassination attack,  then  helping to stop a nuclear attack,then worrying that I was going to get some hideous virus, then nuclear power plant meltdowns AND NOW a possible attack with deadly nerve gas. This might all be in a days work for Jack Bauer but I can flipping well tell you I, Lady Lainey am fair getting my tiara in a twirl, my life is a complete whirlwind ( 'yes you can't decipher real life from what's on the telly' Job the Jolly). I am now on series 5 and close to starting series 6 and dare I say this..............................I am hoping that I don't have to go to cricket on Saturday so that I can watch more '24'!!!! #unheardof #whatthedickinsisgoingon

So with the dishwasher whirring in the background and I Lady Lainey having to go off and wash my orange curls I wish you all a happy Thursday.................after all we are only days away from the weekend!.



Wednesday, 12 June 2013

Wednesday giggle



OMG I can honestly say that when I saw the above pic, I did not only giggle,I laughed so hard that I nearly had a little accident. OK way too much information I know, but you have to admit that the picture could not have been more apt.And he does look slightly silly, wearing your baseball cap back to front is never a good look after the age of 7!!!

So it's Wednesday and here in the North of Blighty it is  a wet and grey day and jolly flipping cold. After the sunshine of the last few days it is time to don the thermals again me thinks. And that folks was our summer, done and gone!

So what has been happening with the besty home county of Yorkshire down in the former home county of I Lady Lainey.

Well the Tykes won the toss and elected to bat, Lees is currently on his century with Gale sneaking u on him with 61 not out. Well it looks as if all that Wensleydale cheese is working! #COYT

Play starts today at The Riverside g round home of former besty home coutny of Durham, they are playing Warwickshire ( home of Sir Robert of Solihull but not for long). However the weather looks as if it is going to affect today's play and it looks as if there will be no work done at Tykes Towers  on Saturday as I will be roaring up the road in Mr Funkys big blue tank thing to watch cricket.

So to Sir Robert of Solihull.......well after stops and starts and change of new home completely, it is finally settled that he leaves to take up his new life in Singapore at the end of this month! Flipping heck!! however all is not lost as he has told me to save my pennies ( and pounds) as I can go out for a little jolly and we will go to the Raffles hotel for Singapore Slings. Yippeee!!! sun and booze!!! I am flipping well emptying me piggy bank as we speak, and i am checking out tiaras ( well you will have to look the part). Well £2.63 is a good start!!.

The Duke of Edinburgh is still in hospital but had a visit from the very regal Sophie, Countess of Wessex yesterday. This came the day after his 92 birthday which was marked by a visit from the Queen. Its hoped hat the Duke may be home by the weekend.

Well my boys should be back from Bristol today and thank goodness for that, I will have someone to shout at whilst looking pretty. And will have to look super pretty today as we are having a visitor, something that rarely happens in our office so I hoovered up to  mark the event!.

So with that, I will love you and leave you and brave the cold and rain.

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Lady Lainey looks the part



With the arrival of my Yorkshire shirt, that I only flipping well won after entering a competition on Twitter, I am today looking the part ( was going to make a very rude and unLady like comment there about the type of 'part' I looked but decided against it). Yes I. Lady lainey and His Royal Ryanness would be thought of as twins if we were in the room together now that I am wearing my shirt. ( even I am laughing at that poor old Ryan!).


And talking about besty home county of Yorkshire, they are down in former home of Lady lainey, yes they are down in London taking on the county that I used to live in....Middlesex.. There have been some changes to the named squad with Gary Ballance having a virus ( I hope its not that one that I had which was horrid!! and made me jolly scaredy because I was having palpitations). So big get well soon  to Gary.Gillespie the Gallant has pulled in a few youngsters, so lets see how the team plays today.

#coyt

Durham are at home to Warwickshire starting tomorrow at The Riverside Ground. Will it go to Saturday? well that's anyone's guess.

Champions Trophy action in brief, South African winning yesterday puts Pakistan in fear of being eliminated from the competition. But sadly West Indies wicketkeeper Denesh Ramdin has received a two match ban for  claiming a dropped catch against Pakistan.

Oh dear it all flipping well kicks off.

So yesterday I drove the Lady Lainey limo to super swanky Lady Lainey office and only got a flipping puncture!! well I shouted for the boys, because with my nails, no way was I attempting to take a wheel off. Pony Paul and Job the Jolly changed the wheel over and when it was time for me to go home I 'popped' into a garage which was on the way.

Garage Man  Hello love what's the problem?

Lady Lainey  I've had a teeny problem with my tyre

Garage man  Hmmm tyres, expensive  business those , and a new valve and reftitting...........( list other things that even I know do not need doing)    it will cost you £xxxx

Lady Lainey  Not chuffing likely! that's the price of a decent tiara, I am going to Tim'll Fix it'

So I drive ( slowly on spare tyre) back to Lady laineyville, go to 'Tim'll Fix it' who sends me to the Palin Family business and 15 minutes later I am back on the road with super new tyre, and still enough money for a bottle of champers and some caviar!.

Hurrah for Tim'll Fix it and Little Lord John, and hurrah that I was only 'loved to death' by the border collies as Leo the Doberman was fast asleep in the office! #lazyboy

Today I am the boss of myself as Pony Paul and Job the Jolly are off to Bristol and I am in my office alone, yeah OK Dan Dan Cowboy Draughtsman is in office but he will probably be asleep most of the day!





Monday, 10 June 2013

One to watch



And so besty home county of Yorkshire made history yesterday by playing the youngest post war cricketer in their YB40 match. Matthew Fisher who was 15years and 212 days yesterday made the squad and flipping heck!! did he go and and hit his ball with style .His score of 10 runs does not really merit the maturity that he showed. Scarbella has had a great few days of cricket and even though the Tykes lost their match, Mathew is one to watch.

Matthew has been on the Yorkshire books since the age of 10, although he has GCSE exams this year he is showing where he would like to be after his school days are over.
Jolly well done and great to see him wearing a Yorkshire shirt.

His Royal Ryanness was over at Headingley taking part in the family fun day, apparently he got told to stay off the field by a steward.......... as he shouldn't be there!!. Red faces I think, because if Ryan shouldn't be on the field at Headingley who the blinking heck should!

In the Champions trophy New Zealand beat Sri Lanka by 1 wicket in what was an exciting match, it looks as if it is going to be interesting.

in F1 Vettel won 9 its becoming a bit like when the 'S' name raced all over again) at least he beat LH.

BABY WATCH

It is now just over a month until the birth of a new royal baby, and speculation is mounting as to the sex of the baby. The very healthy looking Duchess of Cambridge was spotted at a shop with a window display full of blue.................so yes it is obviously going to be a boy!!! Because this shop obviously does not stock any other colour!!

Surely its better to wait and see???? And at least hope for a healthy baby regardless.

As for things in Tykes Towers, well Mr Funky the chauffeur came round and mowed the Deer park but forgot the weed killer! I. Lady Lainey had continued painting and also put some treasure on eBay to put some more money in the coffers for the Grand Tour next year.
Tzarina Katerina called as she is back form her Baltic Cruise, which she had enjoyed immensely and she did even partake in some cultural 'stuff'

So I am off to begin another week of work at super swanky Lady Lainey office and hope that I can get all my litle jobs finished in the evenings when I return, so that I get at least an hour with Jack Bauer #notliving intherealworld!

Sunday, 9 June 2013

It's a quick one today!





OK today is a super quick blog because

  1. It has taken me nearly an hour to get out of bed due to being so achy after laying weed suppressing membrane
  2. I have to grout the tiling that I did yesterday
  3. I have painting to do 
  4. I  have to dye my orange curls more orange 
  5. I have a date with Jack Bauer and my chaise longue this afternoon!!
So lets do a quick cricket round up.

England beat Australia ( like that wasn't expected!) yesterday in there opening match of the champions trophy. They were out in their super smart red PJ's which I have to say I really like. James Anderson took his 235th ODI wicket to become Englands leading wicket taker in 50 over matches. Australia look like a sad and incomplete team, but as we all know this is early days for a young team and I think that they are learning all the time.

Over at Scarbella, Gillespie the Gallant has been singing the praises of Andrew Gale, as reported yesterday Gale was on 159 at the start of play, he went on to hit a career best 272 and I can say that the crowd at Scarbella got more than their monies worth. 
Although the match was drawn, Gale has shown that not only is he a great captain, he is jolly good at batting too.

Well off to do lots of jolly god work here at Tykes Towers, but am wishing I was at Scarbados with my Tykey Vikings!

and don't forget girls, tiling can't be that difficult if boys can do it!


Saturday, 8 June 2013

Izzy wizzy lets get bizzy!!!

As I know that the cleaning and DIY fairies are not coming to my house today, I had better DIM ( do it myself). And so I have measured up the tiles to be cut and will be doing that 'little' job today as well as painting some shelves. I have also been looking at a new bed, which will make my bedroom super dooper swanky and fit for I Lady Lainey. There is nothing wrong with my old bed but time to ring the changes me thinks,

Now to Scarbella and what besty home county of Yorkshire have been up to, well captain Andrew Gale batted all day bringing the score to 358-4 leaving them trailing by 85 runs but with 6 wickets in hand. Gale got his long waited for century which is his first in 33 first class matches. I imagine that Scarbella was noisy when this happened. Yorkshire had begun the day under pressure but with the cool batting of Gale they looked in top form at the close of day 3.

They have also named  Matthew Fisher in their Vikings squad for their YB40 match on Sunday. if Matthew plays on Sunday he will be 15 years old and 212 days making him the youngest post war cricketer to play for an English county. Matthew has been playing in the second XI squad and earlier this week recorded figures of 6-25 against Leicestershire seconds 9 why wasn't he at school?). Fingers crossed that he gets his chance to shine and good luck Matthew.

In the Champions trophy the West Indies edged out Pakistan by 2 wickets. This was a low scoring match ( not as low as the Australian innings) with neither team making 200 runs. However I bet there was some serious Caribbean celebrating last night.

I am back to looking for a house in France as I feel that the time is right, I have been making lots of decisions and think that I need to really start having a good look around. I know where I would like to live, I just have to find the right place..........................

....................however first to I need to finish all the work here at Tykes Towers so without further ado I am off to 'Homeplan' to get the things that I need to get started.



Friday, 7 June 2013

Bean let down and its F(ryan) day



Even a super picture of his Royal Ryanness cannot pull me out of the pit of despair that I have sunk into today, after the news yesterday that Sir Sean of bean has been seen in regular company with his ex wife...............and yes I know that I have spent the last 2,5 weeks in the constant company of Jack Bauer but for the love of god, Sean !!!! Step away from the bimbo!!! She is only after your money ( again)!!!!

So quickly trying to drag myself to the score at sunny Scarbella, Nottinghamshire took a firm hold on day two with a score of  443, his Royal Ryanness taking two of the wickets. In reply Yorkshire were  29-3!! yes that's 29-3! now I am not sure what the Donald Duck was going on over there, but today I think that the team talk should go along the lines of, pull your socks up, cover your wicket and get some flipping runs!

In the champions trophy, India took down South Africa with a 26 run victory, a maiden century by Dhawan helped to seal the victory.
Today sees the West Indies take on Pakistan.

Chris Newell a 50 year old Yorkshire man went to the cricket the other day and went home £50,000 richer after pulling off the show of the day. During the lunch break he was set the task of hitting three stumps, then two, then one , with three balls and he only blinking well did it, he said that he hadn't played 'proper' cricket for about ten years. When asked what he would with the money, he said that he would take the family to Australia at Christmas for the test.

I say sign him up now for the Ashes, what a star!!!!

Yesterday over at Taunton, Lady lainey's 'favourite' England player ( NOT!)  Nick Compton put on 139 not out  to make former besty home county of Durham feel the pressure. Leaving Somerset at the end of the day on 336-5. Durham bowlers were struggling and  although Onions showed some pluck with 2-43, it looks as if this is going to be some match. I predict that Compton will be out for a duck in the second innings.

Worrying news from Buckingham Palace that the Duke of Edinburgh who hasn't been too well is going into hospital for exploratory surgery. He was taken ill at the beginning of the week, but was able to join the Queen for the celebrations to mark her coronation 60 years ago.


Well time to make a move and shuffle off on the long road to Lady Laineyworkville. Weather is overcast but no doubt the 'current bun' will come out later and we will all be basking in sunshine!.

bon F(ryan)day

Thursday, 6 June 2013

it's a grey day













Well here in the north of blighty it is a grey start to the day, and sadly over in Scarbella yesterday it was a wet day meaning that the start of the match for my Tykes was delayed ( and started and stopped and started). They had their luch early and obviously had a bit of Wensleydale as His Royal Ryanness took a wicket with his 5th ball taking out Alex hales. However Michael Lumb former Tyke came back to haunt them by putting on a ton taking Notts to 177-2 at close. Rain had affected the first day of play, heres hoping that today will be better for them.

England were out  to wind up the series against New Zealand, they did this with a win, Bell made good with 82, butit still doesn't alter my opinion of him #beenaroundKPtoolong.
Champions trophy action starts in earnest today  with India and South Africa kicking the whole thing off. Interesting to watch? well lets just wait and see.

New wife of cousin The Great Gibson ( Mrs Great Gibson) called last night and asked if I had any pics of the wedding, we had a long chat and about the day, although for me the events towards the end are a tad sketchy. She said that  they had a wonderful day and to be honest that is the main thing.


Last night I had a night off from Jack Bauer as he is taking over my life, I now even have series 6 in my sweaty mits and to be honest I can see how the weekend of no cricket is going to pan out,


On this day

6th June

1972 David Bowie release ' Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust'

1975 British voters decide to remain in the common market

1862 Robert Scott ill fated Arctic explorer was born

2005 Anne Bancroft dies ( she was Mrs Robinson too)


So without further ado, I is off in the limo to the super swanky Lady lainey office to shout at job the Jolly as Pony Paul is off to London .....................I wish I was


Wednesday, 5 June 2013

The sun has got his hat on........










and so have I ( well I have plenty to chose from). A number of weeks ago I was let down badly by one of my oldest friends, who had been very busy being underhand whilst maintaining the fa├žade of being the super caring friend. I called a halt to this friendship as soon as I found out, something that was not done lightly, but was necessary as I would never be able to trust this person again. At the same time I also had a sneaky peak at other 'friends' and realised that some drained me emotionally and to be honest the last few years have been draining enough.

Why am I flipping well telling you all this, well the upshot of the whole thing is that  after having a bit of a 'sort out' I actually feel like a new person  and feel that instead of my life plodding along, life now has more zest and vigour. As fellow 'probationer' Nikki Thurston told me ' you can only really trust your mum'. Sadly I don't have a mummy anymore, but I do trust Dame Didi.

So with a spring in my step I move on to the important news of the day.................


Yes my Tykes are playing cricket this week at Scabados/Scarbella ( which ever is your preference) and sadly I am not there. His Royal Ryanness is back in the squad and me and my 26x zoom camera are not there to record the events. Flipping Mr Funky is off to play golf this weekend and said that I could get to Scarbella on a bus trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A flipping bus trip!!!!!!!!!!! how flipping old do I look??????????????

I know what happened when Dame Didi and I went to Chester on a bus trip with a load of grannies!!!!!!  Well I didn't know the bag they passed round was for a tip for the driver!!!!!!  And I had, had a few pints of Samuel Smiths too!!!!!!!!! Actually this is sounding worse and worse by the minute, so possibly time to put that to bed.


Warm up match of the day yesterday was the match between India and Australia. This saw Australia bowled  out for 65, woohoo Twitter lit up like a Christmas tree with everyone putting the knife into OZ. Even Mr Shane Hurley  Warne had his say, but I couldn't be bothered to read it as it probably had adverts for Estee Lauder and 'dolly' hair transplants. He was also being written about yesterday, due to it being 20 years since he bowled what was described as the ball of the century to Mike Gatting. Funny thing looking at the pictures of Shane Warne then, if diet and exercise can make you look younger than you did 20 years ago, I am onto that #plasticsurgery


The ECB are stating that opening matches of the county championship could be played abroad!!! What the Donald Duck are they on about???? What about the members that pay every year to see their teams play, rain, snow, wind , thunder and lightening. When that load of old duffers stop swilling copious amounts of gin and tonic and think seriously they will see that this is not an option. Ease fixture congestion my a$*&!! More like give them all a sunny old jolly! #numbnuts #sackthelotofthem

Flipping heck 6.50am and off on a rant already.

Oh dear the boys in the office are in for a day of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And before I forget ( its my age) Dame Didi can you phone me tonight I have important news regarding my birthday trip, I am checking out the Radisson.


Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Another picture in the series......














.................cricketers posteriors! This one belonging to Lancashires Oliver Newby. Top bottom!!!

OK well sometimes it gets a little boring at cricket ( yes really ) and I have to find something to keep me occupied, and now with my super new camera I am snapping away like there is no tomorrow.

Pauly Paul tweeted me yesterday regarding his Dennis the Menace socks ( No the hairy legs were not mine, well not those anyway). He has gone global!!

I am now onto season 4 of '24'. I am beginning to think that I have a problem of some description I think that I am Keifer Sutherland OCD! Only another 4 series to go and then what will I do???? I suppose I will have to wait until the new series is aired next year! ( yip de flipping skip)

Cricket news is buzzing with the still not fit Finn and Broad, you will all be aware that I had foreseen this and commented on it ( frequently) #crocked #neverfit #knackersyard

My thoughts on this debacle? Well I think regular readers will be well aware of my thoughts about keeping injured players on 'standby'. Lay them  off for the season and let them get properly fit. They will only break down again in the winter, mark my words.

In YB40 action Essex's Graham Napier took  7-32. not that impressive I hear you all saying however this included a rare quadruple wicket maiden, grabbing the four wickets in four balls. I really wish that I had been there to see that.I bet Chelmsford was very noisy!

Over in footy there has been a bit of excitement at Chelsea, as they welcomed back Jose Mourinho.Now that was one job that I hadn't sent my CV for.

Today marks the 60th anniversary of The Queen coronation. As most of us will not remember this the news footage has been digitally remastered and will be shown on most news bulletins today. Sadly the Duke of Edinburgh was taken ill last night but has said that he will be there today, now that is a real trooper!

Over in  super swanky Lady Lainey office we are busy busy busy, in fact so busy that I hardly had time to gulp down a coffee shout at the boys or even glance at my cricketer wall yesterday. Holy mackerel lets hope its not so busy today. The thought of chipping my nail varnish with all the typing is not something that I am looking forward too.

So with that I guess I had better fire up the Lady Lainey limo and get on my way.

Monday, 3 June 2013

It's going to be a scorcher...........










......and I have to go off to super swanky Lady Lainey office, considering that a couple of weeks ago parts of the UK where still having snow, and now we alternate between baking hot and freezing cold, I am wondering what the flipping heck to wear!.



Well off we all went to cricket in Mr Funky the chauffeurs big blue tank thing. The super Lancashire fan was there ( man wearing hat with big red roses on) as well as some 'jolly chaps' in the far stands in fancy dress. Sadly for I Lady Lainey the lovely Oliver Newby was not playing although he did come on for Prince briefly ( NO NOT THAT PRINCE!!!). Durham went out and scored  297-9 in their 40 overs.  I have to say there was some good batting. Lancashire sadly couldn't match them although the tail end did put up a brilliant fight and although Durham won, Lances scored  258.

My Tykes were in action against Gloucestershire and sadly they lost!!!

Which is exactly what England did too, losing the series. Even Joe Root couldn't help them out of this one, BUT this is not a call up for KP. and this is the last time that I will be mentioning him this season!
Trott scored 1009 but England did bat poorly and  were dismissed for 273, NZ had made 359-3.

Moral of the series............never rest on your laurels!

Ricky Pontings great display at Surrey sadly didn't bring on a win and the match with Derbyshire was a draw.


So the week moves on and Yorkshire are at Scarbella this week although sadly I Lady Lainey won't be there at the weekend due to Mr Funky going to GOLF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Durham have a little trip down to Taunton and hope that they keep off the cider.

My week is full of very important things....................series 4 of 24.

Now all you out there who have watched the 3rd series will understand when I say that you never want to have a vial of deadly toxin strapped to your wrist when Jack Bauer spots an axe!!! OMG!! Well all in a days work!.


And talking about a days work I think that I had better get a wriggle on and head off to super swanky Lady Lainey office as Pony Paul is back today, so I now have a full compliment of boys to shout at!!







Sunday, 2 June 2013

Cricket Sunday



Well its sunny here at Tykes Towers but there are some clouds in the sky, no point listening to the weather forecast as they  don't have a 'scooby doo' what it is going to do, so will just prepare for any eventuality.

I have the tea all made with the exception of copious amounts of coffee which will be made  a little later, and I may even be able to sneak in an hour with Jack Bauer!.

So yesterday I did lots of washing, hung it out and then went to the town, I got the provisions for the office boys for the week. 'popped round to see Countess Christine of McNally and luckily as Leo had only just woken up managed to escape without being 'loved to death'.
I then took the car up to 'Tim'll Fix it' to book in for an oil and filter change and THEN got 'loved to death' by the full compliment of Royal hounds. The end result was I, Lady Lainey laid out on the garage forecourt with Benji the French kissing border collie on my chest, Leo trying to get on as well and Bella and Sheba just looking on in amusement. Thank goodness no one recorded this!

I came home and did some hoovering and dusting and then sat down for an hour with Jack which turned into late afternoon and evening ( including a little nap). I will be glad when I have seen all the series, it is taking over my life.

And so today I am off to The Riverside to see Durham Dinosaurs  Dynamo's in action against Lancashire, taking my camera today as I have been a little bit forgetful with it recently.

Boyd Rankin has been called up for the last two ODI's against New Zealand. Finn  and Broad were out on Friday ( quelle surprise!!! #crocked) Finn with sore shins and Broad with a bruised knee, For the love of god!!! what a load of nancy boys. Next it really will be not playing due to fractured eyelash and broken nail! BOYS!!!! no stamina!

Ricky Ponting made his debut for Surrey with much fanfare on Twitter, he did score 120 not out so well done that man!


Dame Didi and the Monster Children Nephews had a day out in Hull, Count Christophe is looking for a swanky batchelor pad for when he goes off to study there. They had a good day, and will catch up with the Dame later.


Scanning the news today I saw a picture of the very beautiful Princess Eugenie standing next to her father Prince Andrew The Duke of York. Absolute image of each other!.

Well off to have a shower and wash the orange curls ready for Mr Funky arriving, not sure what time so it could all go 'Pete Tong'.


Saturday, 1 June 2013

TIme to do some work!


I totally flipping well agree with the above, but as I don't have 'staff ' to deal with the very unsavoury jobs around the house, I guess that I will have to do them myself today. OMG do you know how difficult it is to clean the loo whilst making sure that your tiara doesn't fall off and disappear down the pan!

Then there is the weekly fight with the duvet! ( the duvet usually wins), washing, dusting, hoovering, putting shoes, handbags, gloves, tiaras away!! All this work to do when all I really want to do is snuggle up on the sofa with Jack Bauer ( still '24'ing). However as no work was done last week I really have to crack on, Jack will just have to wait.

I also have to take my bike to the bike shop ( well I wasn't taking it to the flipping Butchers!) and then next week I could be whizzing around Lady laineyville on it, 'burning up' anyone that gets in my way ( watch out Wiggo). Burning up lots of calories and turning myself into the lean, mean Lady lainey machine of old. Or something similar. ( I think I need a blinking miracle).


I am also gettting prepared for cricket tomorrow and getting the tea made so that I do not have to race around like a looney getting it ready in the morning and then I can do my  'Nell McAndrew' work out DVD. It say on the box that you can look like Nell, well knock 20 years off me and dye my hair blonde, flipping spitting image!!!

Dinner last night was 'gromitlicious' ( new word to describe anything with Wensleydale that was yummy......which would be everything) and I will be having that again. Recipe on  website (see yesterdays blog for details).

So all that aside, what the flip was going on in the crazy world of cricket???

Well those naughty Tykey Vikings failed to make Somerset follow on ( may have had too much of Wensleydale cheese), and Somerset then went on to make 310 putting the Tykes back in to bat  for the afternoon. Well let me tell you when I checked the BBC website and saw  45-3 I nearly had a 'turn'! I said a flipping sweary word in super swanky Lady lainey office!!!! Well that is not like I, Lady Lainey, no not at $*%£%@*  all like me!
The match was eventually a draw and Yorkshire went up to second in the table which is a result and a half I say.
Apparently 'Burger king' on the way home #whathappenedtoathletesbody

England went out to play in their new red PJ's and jolly smart they looked too, in fact I would go as far as to say they were my cup of tea. I may even purchase one of the tops, it will clash nicely with my orange curls!.

Root was amongst the top scorers but Martin Guptills century helped New Zealand to secure a win. Now its not like me to comment on other peoples opinion but I am fair near to closing my Twitter account due to 'eedjits' who make comments like ' Oh no England need KP', 'KP is soo missed by England' etc etc etc. Well he isn't and the team are doing OK without him. He and his ego are not what the team need now although I guess that South Africa will need him to text 'tips' when the ICC Champions trophy starts #controversial!

Sad news on the cycling front ( especially as I am getting my bike in order) is that Wiggo has been ruled out of Le Tour! This is mainly due to illness and injury leaving him little time to prepare. Chris Froome has been given the nod to lead the Sky Team. As he finished runner up to Wiggo last year we could be in with another chance. Get well soon Sir Bradley.

And so I must now get on with the million and one tasks that one is supposed to perform in order to keep Tyke Towers in pristine condition. Flipping heck I really had better get a move on, I can hear Jack Bauer calling me and it's only 7.30am!!!