Friday, 31 May 2013

TFIF(ryan)day




Well frankly I am super glad that it is F(ryan)day as I am flipping knackered( not very Lady like but only way to describe how I feel). I am finally over the 3x man flu that the buggers 'boys' at work gave me last week, but it has left me very tired and wanting to lie on the chaise longue and eat chocolate all day ( no flipping change there then). So as I prepare for the weekend and one day of cricket I can only hope that after a good nights sleep I feel much more blinking Lainey Style.

I decided that I would make a special dinner tonight for moi, so I logged onto  www.wensleydale.co.uk  and had a quick scan through their recipes. Blinking heck Gromit!!!! so much choice, so much Wensleydale cheese!!! finally settled on Chicken breast stuffed with the besty cheese in the whole world  and then wrapped in bacon. YUMMY!!! jersey royals and cauliflower and carrots I think to accompany!

I think that all that Wensleydale cheese is having the effect on the Yorkshire team that spinach had on Popeye! Holy flipping mackerel, Adil Rashid scored 103, 100 in 119 balls! Three centuries in three championship matches. What can you say?

The boys declared at 450-5 and let Somerset have a little bat.

Somerset  had a couple of good scores but Patterson took two wickets , his royal Ryanness took one (  hurrah!!) and Lyth and Pyrah brought in another two. This left Somerset on  232 at the close of play.

I am sure that Gillespie the Gallant will have had a little smile to himself.


The squad for the three one day series against New Zealand was announced yesterday with Jade Dernbach being added to the names.Compton has been omitted but the Tykes are all in there, Bresnan, Bairstow and Root!.

Back on my super keep fit/healthy eating regime as it is only 12 weeks until besty friend in the south's birthday and I would like to wear a dress from Karen Millen rather than a tent from Millets, and before anyone comments on cheese eating.......a little of what you fancy will not hurt.


So bring on Sean Bean and Eric Cantona.............................

Bon journee


Thursday, 30 May 2013

How injured is 'injured'?










You might all be thinking that I have flipped me tiara this morning with a title like that! Well what the Donald Duck is it all about? When is an injury not an injury?  Well apparently when it is your benefit year. The recipient of the Durham benefit year this year, has yet to make an appearance for the squad due to a hamstring injury. Yes I know that this is painful and not good, however it doesn't stop him having a few rounds of golf, and topping up the benefit fund ( and yes raising money for other causes which is good). However apart from the first YB40 match when he was seen at The Riverside with the Sky Team I cannot say that I have seen him at the ground.
Now all folk that trot on down to the Riverside are being  coaxed to put a few shekels in in the pot for the man himself, but I for one will not be as I feel very strongly that if you cannot show your face (apart from popping up on TV) you do not deserve it. I know that his service to the club has been a major factor in previous years to there winning side, but for the last 4/5 seasons he has been permanently injured and rarely making  his mark.
And finally he says that he will continue 'playing' cricket.........................don't make me laugh, he will continue to take his wages more like! Durham sort yourselves out!!!!


They have also extended the contracts of Stoneman and Wood  until 2015 & 2016, lets hope that they clear out some 'deadwood' at the end of this season..................now where to start.

OK rant over for the day, tiara now firmly back in place and on to besty home county of Yorkshire. They finally got to step out of the pavilion at Taunton yesterday and with Lyth making  105 took the score to  341-5 at close of play. His Royal Ryanness is in the squad and waiting his turn to impress I Lady Lainey.
Gillespie the Gallant was in the local paper yesterday say that Rafiq will have to hit the ground running. I think that he is keeping these boys on their toes!.


Andy Flowers the England coach has been commenting on Compton stating that he needs to score runs for Somerset to get into the Ashes team......................

well what can I say he may make runs for Somerset but can he do the same for England ( yes I know Pauly Paul, you think I am too harsh on the lad, but I speak as I find, and I find him lacking!)


Life here at Tykes Towers is actually in a slowed down pace at the moment due to me spending all my evenings with Jack Bauer. To be honest he is a bit of a liability to be around, what with bombs, virus's and more he is not really suitable company for a Lady, but hey its great escapism from the daily grind.

And talking about that I guess I had better set off to super swanky Lady Lainey office and see if I have another email from the Duke of Adeleaide who yesterday nearly made me 'split my sides' with laughing. Yes he is still around but has gone 'deep under cover'. He will be emerging soon.





Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Lady Lainey looks forward











Well yesterday was a busy old day in super swanky Lady lainey office, but I managed to book my tickets on the train to go to surprise my besty friend on her birthday, I cannot say more in case she is reading this and then the surprise will be no more.

Now that the tickets are booked I can get everything into action to go  (e.g decide which shoes, handbags, tiaras need to be packed!).

England sealed a series victory against new Zealand which made up for early year tour down under.Rain looked as if it may stop the last days play, but it didn't and Swanns 10 wicket haul, the first since Derek Underwood in 1972 was a great achievement.Joe Root, 'Captain Cook and Jonny Bairstow again stood out in the batting and as we move onto the Ashes, we are all hoping that the form of the team continues.

The match at Taunton with my Tykes didn't even start a rain kept them all indoors, so they will have been watching what was happening with their team-mates at Headingley whilst watching the rain lash down.Hopefully they will get out to play today #stircrazy


The ICC Champions trophy fixtures have been announced and Englands first match is at Edgbaston. It looks like it is going to be a great summer of cricket.


On this day

29th May

1942 Bing Crosby records 'White Christmas' the greatest selling reocrd to date ( IN MAY!!!)

1953 Edmond Hilary and Tensing Norkay are the first  to reach the summit of Everest ( now you have to queue to get a foot on the mountain)

1987 Michael Jackson tried to buy the remains of the 'Elephant Man' (WTF!)

so with that I am off to see my 'elephant boys' as job the Jolly is back from his travels.




Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Oh no it's Monday.............hang on a minute











Yipppee it's Tuesday and only a 4 day week at super swanky Lady Lainey office!! And it's only me ( well Dan Dan cowboy draughtsman is in his office so it's only me really). Job the Jolly is off to Bristol and Staines and Pony Paul is on his jollies this week, so I can shout at myself, look super pretty but will have to make my own coffee!! now that's not so good.
So I will be having a busy day 'reshuffling' my cricket wall, sorting out my 'in' tray and probably doing some skiving  archiving.

Yesterday Mr Funky the chauffeur came to pick me up in the big blue tank thing and we then picked up Pauly Paul and went off to The Riverside to see Durham Dinosaurs take on Derbyshire. Apparently it took over an hour before I mentioned the 'R' word yes it was over an hour before I mentioned his Royal Ryanness..........is he falling from favour. No of course not, but there hasn't been much of the 'Purple Pants' about lately so we had a jolly long discussion about the merits of fellow Tyke Joe Root.

Durham made a good start and scored  273-6 in their innings. As they came off for tea, it started to rain on us, now by us I am not meaning everyone. The sun was shining and their wasn't a cloud in the sky but Pauly Mr Funky and I, Lady Lainey were getting a right old flipping soaking. We began to think that someone was behind our stand pointing a hose pipe at us.Well as I was in danger of turning into a very horrid imitation of a 70's footballer I puts me brolly up.

After tea they came out to play (still raining on us), Derbyshire put on  70 runs ( still raining on us) and then it started to rain on THEM, so they all came off. After the umpires had another cup of tea and slice of cake they went out to have a chat with the groundsmen and then went back for a few more butties ( still raining on us) we waited for half an hour then Mr Funky said best to head off home. The match did not resume and Durham won via the D/L scale.

Over at the test after England did not force the follow on, they set the Kiwis an improbable target of  468 to win, but with heavy rain expected it looks as if the game will end in a draw.

Besty home county of Yorkshire were on the bus to Taunton yesterday for the start of their LV county match at noon today. #coyt.

Ireland are hoping to gain Test status which is being backed by the Pakistan captain, stating that it is down to the ICC but that Ireland a re a better team now. Well done Phil on getting them this far.

So on this grey and cloudy morning I am heading up the A1 to Lady Laineyworkville and hope that you all have a good day, or in Pauly Pauls case a good week ( on his jollies too!).




Monday, 27 May 2013

sunny already.........but will it last?








Well it's 6.30am here in the North of Blighty and I am staring out of the windows here at Tykes Towers and cannot quite believe that we are now onto day 3 of sunshine. After rain hail and in some places snow over the last couple of weeks, this has been a lovely surprise.

However  as I am still struggling with the effects of 3X man flu I doubt that I will be getting the full benefit of the sun as I still am wrapped up as I am cold all the time. Yes I am going to look like some jolly odd fish sitting watching Durham Dinosaurs today wrapped up in a blanket whilst Mr Funky is in socks and sandals with a knotted hankie on his head.


Over at the test Swann has been defending Compton  as I am not the only person who has picked up on his lack of form. Swann ( he went for 7 yesterday) says that he will find it, however excuse me for pointing out the obvious, but shouldn't he have already been in top form to be playing on the team? And yes Pauly Paul I know that I am commenting on Compton again, but with fair reason. His place in the Ashes team should not be taken as solid. England closed the 3rd day on 116-1.

So what did I Lady Lainey do yesterday, well apart from NOT doing any housework, I did manage to do some washing and hang it out on the line ( the fact that I have no 'staff' is proving critical at times of illness). I watched the remainder of the series of season 2 of '24'. and then started season 3. Now I am hoping that other who have watched these series will understand when I say that

  1. Kim Bauer never does what her dad tells her to do
  2. Jack Bauer always say 'I'm not going to shoot you' and then does
  3. Everybody says ' Do you trust me' and then turns out to be a dirty agent.
  4. Jack and Kim Bauer are not the best people to be friends with.
Well I will continue watching it before and after I have been to cricket, and to blazes with the housework!!!


Over in Monaco it was apparently an incident packed Gran Prix and Baron Button managed to make up 3 places to come in 6th. There were also threats of 'punching in the face' from Raikkonen regarding Segio Perez. Oh dear the boys appear to have got their knickers in a bit of a twist! Hopefully they will all be best friends by the next stage.

Oh well time for a large cup of coffee and some cold and flu capsules. Hope that  I feel better tomorrow



Sunday, 26 May 2013

Who are you 'Rooting' for





OMG Joe Root is a top Tyke and also showing why he is in the England squad. Yesterday in front of a home crowd he scored his first test century and proved to I Lady Lainey that I have been right all along.Now as you know I have little time for selections made for nepotistic  reasons which showed AGAIN in one of the opening batsman going for 1!. yes OK anyone can have a bad day and I suppose it was better than his usual duck.. However  Root came in stood his ground and showed what he was made of.  


The youngster put on his 'show' part of the time with his partner in crime Jonny Bairstow (64) which put the tykes in top spot in my view. The baby faced Root also confided that he sometimes struggles to get served in pubs ( he is 22) however as his face is plastered all over national newspapers now, I doubt this will be the case in future.
England closed in 337-7 at the end of day two.

 To say that I am a proud Lady Lainey is an understatement, especially as I have been infected by 3x 'man flu' ( in other words a cold but I got it from the 3 men in  my office so it is bound to be MUCH worse!)and am feeling so under par that I didn't even wear my tiara to cricket yesterday.
I sat in the sunshine, shivering and feeling rubbish, but soldiering on for Mr Funky the chauffeur who was having his birthday bash, with cake and sausage rolls and ginger biscuits and fizzy pop and although I did partake of the goodies, nothing had any taste!.

Durham and Middlesex was really like watching paint dry as the outcome was evident. however hopefully the good weather holds out and we get a good one day game tomorrow, when we will be joined by Pauly Paul for coffee and smoked salmon sandwiches.

Today is looking to be another glorious day and I have washing in at the moment after just managing to drag myself out of my 'pit'. My head hurts, my throat is sore and I look truly 'marvellous' with my streaming nose and red eyes.This is going to take some 'surgery' to get back to Lady Lainey form.................. what the hell I may just bundle myself up on the sofa with a 'Beechams powders' frappe and watch '24'


Today is the Monaco Grand Prix, with Baron Button in 9th position! Well Jenson my boy it will take some jolly nifty driving to get yourself on the podium, but I am still 'rooting' for you too.

The son of late great motor racing hero James Hunt has been talking about his daddy. In his words' we all saw him as a playboy 'but to me he was dad who doted on me....and his 300 budgies'. Tom Hunt ( who has a look of Baron Button) also described his dad as a great friend. Little known fact emerging with the budgie love, I wonder if he shared tips with Geoff Capes?
Who would forget his love of vodka and five alive cocktails!
Tom Hunt

Saturday, 25 May 2013

cricket Saturday



So its Saturday and I have woken up to a wonderful sunny day............................and a nose that is running like a tap, a headache and a sore throat, courtesy of the 'plague boys' in the office who have now very kindly given me their lurgy in time for the Bank Holiday weekend.

I have been trying to put together the party tea for Mr Funkys birthday bash at the cricket today but ot be honest I feel so poorly that I doubt I will enjoy it or even be able to taste it. So I am dosing myself up with cold and flu capsules and hoping that I feel better soon.

Yesterday was a terrible day with rain lashing down on my orange curls turning me into something out of 'The hair bear Bunch'. Not a pretty sight and to be honest I think that as ill as I feel I really will have to do some work on the birdsnest to look even remotely respectable. The rain also saw the whole of the 2nd test washed out at Headingley with play being abandoned by 4pm, my guess is that most people had wandered off home by then. Here's hoping that today is better.

Durham managed to get some play in and start today on 89-1. So lets hope we have a super day at the cricket.

All systems are 'Go Go Go' at Monaco in readiness for tomorrow, this really is the best Grand Prix of the season , as they race through the streets of the principality. One day Dame Didi and I will get there to watch the race, well she can watch the race and I will be sloshing back pastis..

Well my nose is dripping ( OK too much info) and I really must get on with making coffee and preparing lunch, when all I really want to do is get under my duvet and watch season 2 of '24'.




Friday, 24 May 2013

It's a freezing F(ryan)day




Flipping heck, it is blowing a gale and has been all night, the rain is lashing down and I can tell you that this is really not cricket weather!! Well I suppose her in the icy wastes of the North of Blighty it is, I am rarely seen at a cricket match these days without layers of thermals, padded waterproof coat, blanket, 400 gallons of steaming hot coffee and a hat!

Over at Headingley the home of super besty team in the whole wide world ( Yorkshire to the uninitiated), they are preparing for the start of the second test ( hence my boys all having a spot of R & R). 'veteran' spinner Daniel Vittori was ruled out of the match which puts his test future in jeopardy.(wish the same could be said about KP they will still be wheeling him out when he is 80).
Alistair Cook has said that he thinks it will be a closer contest this time. Famous last words?

Over at The Riverside, Durham were still in action against Middlesex ( in between , rain hail and thunder). They bowled Middlesex out for 196  with Onions taking 5 wickets. Durham were at 37-0 overnight.
I am doubtful that they will be starting at 11am this morning unless a miracle happens and it looks as if we will be going tomorrow so I had better get the party food organised.

Ireland had been in action against Pakistan which has been a major event for the team. They secured a fantastic draw against the team and showed that they are getting into the top flight. Good luck to Phil and the boys, doing a great job.

Daddy Jobbers is now home, battered, broken and bruised but at least he is walking and talking, which is the main thing. Today Son of Job the Jolly is indulging in his passion for dram by taking part in the school production of 'The 3 Billy Goats Gruff'. he is a billy goat but as Job the Jolly said he thinks there may be more that 3 Billy Goats.

Well as I prepare to brave the elements I have been checking the forecast for this Bank Holiday weekend and it claims that it will be sunny. I sort of guess that isn't going to be in the North of Blighty!

Well last day today and then super long weekend of cricket.


Thursday, 23 May 2013

50 not out



Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday Mr Funky the chauffeur with the big blue tank thing
Happy Birthday to you

Woohoo Mr funky the chauffeur is 50 today! OMG HOW OLD!!!!! Yes he is 50 and from now on will have to take things jolly carefully as he is on a slippery slope.

Either on Saturday or Monday (depending on results and the weather) we will be celebrating at cricket ( I will be celebrating more than him, as he is driving and I am getting sloshed!). We will be having cake, and sandwiches and cake and jelly and cake and fizzy pop and cake and I will have copious amounts of wine and a sick bag for on the way home.

Mr Funky has many guises, he is not only the chauffeur but also the gardener of the extensive grounds of Tykes Towers. He is an aficionado of ice cream ( freshly made at Archers) and also likes a round of golf or two. In fact he likes golf so much that he is not taking I, Lady Lainey to Scarbella to see my beloved Yorkshire play in a couple of weeks ( one less pressie for him).
He also is a keen supported of Lady Laineyville cricket club ( usually supporting the bar in case it falls over). He also supports Darlington ( well someone has to) and is often seen at the home and the away matches.

Mr Funky is an all round good egg and I wish him a very Happy Birthday and hope that he has a wonderful day at work.

Daddy jobbers is on the mend after his accident but that does not mean all is well. Hitting a man on a bike and driving away is not the right thing to do especially when you leave the man injured on the side of the road. So sending out big get well wishes to him and hope that he makes a very speedy recovery.

Former besty home county of Durham were in action yesterday against former home county of Middlesex ( it's confusing isn't it?). Durham were  259 all out  with Mustard making the highest score. Good OLD Collingwood scored 1 but no doubt now he will be injured and unable to play for the rest of the season. Just like the player whose benefit year it is, Injury has meant that he has hardly played for the last 4 seasons. Sounds like 4 benefit years to me.
Middlesex stood at 11-2 at close of play.
so now I am off to have a shower, wash the orange birdsnest curls and head off to super swanky Lady Lainey office, and Pauly Paul if you are reading this, it's a secret about Mr Funky's birthday!!!!.



Its a hard life being 50!



Wednesday, 22 May 2013

Where is the sunshine?










In my mind I seem to remember that the sun always shone in May and the days were warm if not hot, and I was stuck indoors at school!!! However this is obviously selective memory and there was probably one sunny day and I was looking out of the window whilst being bored to death by 'double' geography!. The truth is that it is May and it is not too warm and it is  wet and the skies are a dull grey colour and so am I. I should be bronzed!!! and I should be staring out of the window at super swanky Lady Lainey office wanting to be sitting at cricket .  Hopefully summer will arrive soon and all will be well.

Sadly all not well in the home of Job the Jolly, yesterday two 'ladies' knocked Daddy Jobbers off his bike at a roundabout in Sunderland, the police are appealing for witnesses to the accident and hopefully there will be CCTV in the area to get the two people concerned.


Former besty home county of Durham are in action this week against Middlesex, Mr Funky the chauffeur, Pauly Paul and I , Lady Lainey are heading up on Saturday ( if it goes that far) and again on Monday when we will be partaking in jelly, sausage rolls, egg sandwiches, cake and lashings of fizzy pop ( well they can I will be  on the wine). Why??? all will be revealed tomorrow.


Yorkshire have some time off to be at home with wives and kids ( or in the case of Jack brooks, with Liam Plunkett). Get some R & R and then back to it next Tuesday!

F1 is hotting up ready for 'the' Grand Prix of the season, Monaco. If I won the euro lottery last night ( I haven't checked the numbers yet)  then I will be off first thing tomorrow dragging Dame Didi with me. If I didn't then I will be watching from the opulence that is Tykes Towers.

And I am now back on a '24' hour fest, as Pony Paul brought me season 2 & 3 in. Jack Bauer and i are like besty friends.


Bye

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Vive Le Yorkshire



Wow it is times for all things Flora with the Chelsea Flower show in full bloom, and it is also marking it;s 100 anniversary..............as is the Tour de France so to celebrate both  a beautiful garden has been designed entitled Le Jardin de Yorkshire. As the tour is to start in Leeds next year this is both very apt and for any flower loving Tyke a great honour. Well worth a visit . Vive le Yorkshire!

Well news filtering through is that KP may not be ready for the Ashes, funny thing is Job the Jolly and I were discussing this yesterday ( tres spooky) and I was saying with the wealth of Tyke talent in the England team at the moment I doubt that he will get a place. Funny thing is we all know that fit or not the selectors would name him ( well he needs to boost his bank balance) and really the 'young' team are showing their worth and NOT one of them should be sidelined to make way for the over inflated ego that is 'FIGJAM'. Leave him out and lets see how we get on.
I have read on  various sites 'hacks reports on this and to be honest, some say England need him ( obviously we don't ), some say he will be back and some don;t make comment! make of that what you will.

Controversial!!! Matthew Hayden has been reported as saying that Australia can beat England in the Ashes despite being the series underdogs ( actually as you will know I have been writing this for a while ). The funny thing is that KP or no KP I think that the Australians may pull a rabbit out of the hat.

And talking about Australia, there have been some coins found which could blow the whole 'Yorkshire boy lands on  new continent' theory. Yes coins of Arabic descent dating back to 900AD have been found  in Northern Australia. History shows that Dutch explorers landed in 1606 and then Captain James Cook in 1770 ( obviously no work around Middlesbrough then either!). Very interesting and could rewrite the history books.


Good news on the home front, after a fraught day yesterday, Dame Didi let me know that youngest monster child nephew has not broken his leg/ankle/toe/knee or anything else that they suspected and it is in fact a sprain. I bet she wishes he had sprained his jawbone #onlykidding

OK off to work now and it is raining quelle surprise!!!




Monday, 20 May 2013

Flipping heck, wake me up when it's the weekend!!!




Zut alors!!! how on earth can it be Monday already!!  Oh yes I had spent the weekend in a haze of rain, watching '24', reading cricket scores 'watching '24', doing boring household chores. watching '24', and now it's Monday and I have to go back to super swanky Lady Lainey office and look pretty. It's a hard blinking life.


Whilst I was, baking coffee cake and making super pasta bake for my lunch today, Mr Funky the chauffeur came round in his other guise of Mr Funky the gardener, and mowed the lawns in the extensive grounds of Tykes Towers. he asked me if I had been over feeding the deer as the 'Deer Park' was completely wild. Think that I may have to get a goat.......

There were no goats at Chesterfield as my Tykey Vikings took on The Unicorns in YB40 action. His Royal Ryanness took a wicket and made my day, but super Viking Pyrah took three!!! hurrah he looks to be back on form. Patterson and Rashid took the remainder with Rashid showing himself to be a 'real' all rounder'.
Unicorns were 189 -9 after their 40 overs.

Bring on the Vikings, Gale and Pyrah went early on for low scores which probably had his Royal Ryanness donning his pads thinking that he could be in for a knock before he knew it, however Jaques (25) , Ballance (44) Lyth (58), Rashid (32) managed to stop the rot and The Vikings won by 5 wickets.

Woohoo I am super flipping tiara twirling, oranage bouncy curl excited by all that is going on in the Viking camp. They really out to 'maraud'.


Flipping heck it was also the YB40 battle of the former besty  counties, that in the south and that in the north. Durham Dinosaurs travelled down to Southampton to take on Hampshire Royals. Stokes made 87 which was probably just as well and with an impressive total of  241, I bet they were all smiling thinking that they had it in the bag.(seen them  do that quite often)
However Hampshire responded with Carberry 96 and Adams 67 they went on to win by 5 wickets. And are top of the Group b table.


England also won in the Test against New Zealand with Stuart Broad taking 7 wickets in 11 overs to rip them apart, however as regular readers will know, I do not read too much into this as he will be injured soon, mark my words #crocked.
Root has shown in this test that he is competent, confident, and never complacent, which is something which is often 'rife' in the England camp

So lets see what the next test holds.

Well off to wend my way on the A1 to Lady Laineyville.







Sunday, 19 May 2013

Is it really May???




Well it is 7.00am and it is Sunday 19th of may, but looking out of the window here at Tykes Towers it looks as if we are in the grip of winter, yes the trees are in leaf, but that is the only giveaway that it isn't the middle of February. I went out at 6.00am to put my old microwave at the bottom of the drive. This is a great thing to do with any old domestic appliances. You leave them out and they magically disappear. The scrap metal fairies come along in their chariot and whisk them away, how flipping amazing is that!! but I digress. I stepped outside ( taking care to avoid three million slugs that were on the drive) and had problems seeing where I was going for thick fog and rain. Whats all that about then??? When can I don pretty Lady Lainey dresses and trip trappy sandals? Probably not for another couple of years by the look of the weather forecast. And don't get me started about getting washing dried

Dame Didi is 'popping' over to the Towers tomorrow as she is taking her car to 'Tim'll Fix it' to make sure that it is road legal. She doesn't want to stay at the garage as she doesn't want to be 'loved to death' by the Royal Hounds ( see above) How could you not want 10 stone of pure bred Doberman sitting on your knee??? ( Leo does feel lighter as he has been on a diet! but not much!)
 #deadleg

I had a flying visit form Tzarina Katerina who was telling me about her trip to Scotland. £10 for a glass of wine? I could get  three bottles and a packet of crisp for that!!!

I sent a text to  Mr Funky the chauffeur to tell him that his 'favourite' Jessica Ennis got married yesterday, I think that he may be wearing a black arm band today.

Over at the Test super Tyke Joe Root showed why he is now top of the England pile  ( where Compton is squashed on the bottom). He hit an impressive 71, the  highest score that innings. Tykes team mate Jonny Bairstow  was bowled out for 5.This leaves the match hanging in the balance as it really could go either way. England are currently  180-6.

Some footballer called David Beckham announced his retirement this week and last night as he completed his final home match for Paris St Germain he left the pitch crying.................I was scanning he field to see if Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo was there and had given him a 'nudge' in the ribs when the ref wasn't looking!!!
The pouty one was there watching, sour faced as usual, luckily baby Harper Seven ( or 'half past seven' as most of the world thought she had been named when they first announced it) was able to summon a smile.

Now I am making this short as I have to go for a two hour date with jack Bauher ( and yes I know I am about 10 years behind everyone else). I am so close to the end of the '24' box set that I even stayed up past my normal bed time of 9pm last night to try to see to the end. Well I failed so as off to do that now.
Happy Sunday




Saturday, 18 May 2013

It's raining, it's pouring











And I, Lady Lainey am not snoring!!! in fact I have been up for over an hour and have washing done but no where to dry it, because it isn't going to get hung outside that's for flipping sure.

It looked as if rain  might have stopped my Tykes from heading back to Leeds in time for last orders after they had a brilliant day on Thursday.But no!!Adil Rashid hit his 2nd consecutive century to give the Tykes the upper hand and then Yorkshire went in to bowl. They took out the home team for  140 runs with His Royal Ryanness taking three wickets ( as did Bresnan and Patterson) so back home in time for  couple of Babychams  and back in their own beds ( I hope!).
Is this the same Yorkshire that three years ago played like former besty home county of Durham, totally poo ( technical cricket term). Well yes and no. In essence they are the same team, but I think that Gillespie the Gallant has been a great force to drive the team on. They are currently second in the table (after former home county of Middlesex) and I can honestly say that being a Tyke is making me jolly flipping proud.


At the Test New Zealand are looking to be playing reasonable well, although they closed overnight on 153-4 .James Anderson became the fourth bowler to take 300 test wickets. In super swanky Lady Lainey office we had been discussing the England team and decided that Jonny Bairstow looked like the 'love child'of super Homeland actor Damien Lewis. Then at lunchtime we found out that the TMS guest was only the aforementioned man himself. Pretty darn spooky if you ask me!! Or as Job the Jolly said ' obviously gone to see his 'offspring' have a knock'.

Over in Italy poor old Sir Wiggo has had to pull out of the Giro d'Italia, because he is not very well.He only has gone and got a chest infection, the one that Dan Dan cowboy draughtsman has got probably. He is devastated to say the least but is coming home for to pull himself together and to get fit for Le Tour. Which is what Dame Didi is doing.......hark is that the bell on her tricycle I hear????


So what are the mega exciting plans for the weekend?? Well off to do the shopping for the boys lunches, then back home to do super boring housework. I don't know aren't there any housekeeping fairies anymore????

Thursday, 16 May 2013

It's F(Ryan)day









Soooo it is F(ryan) day once again and today because I am still feeling very very tired and under the weather I needed to have a collage of pictures of his Royal Ryanness. Now that has made me feel quite a bit better.

Now to find out how they have been getting on in the Midlands. Well they have been doing jolly well with Adil Rashid once again pulling a rabbit out of the hat with a cracking score of  68 not out. Well he has proved to be a blinding little player. All the 'hacks' from the big papers were stating that Yorkshire would struggle with the loss of Root and Bairstow. But Gillespie the Gallant obviously is laughing his little socks off.

Root and Bairstow are in action for England but lovely Tyke Timmy Bresnan wasn't needed so they let him drive up the M40 to be with his Yorkshire pals.

The action at lords for England v New Zealand was slow going with England closing on 160-4. Compton went  for 16 and in the eyes of I,Lady Lainey is only there due to nepotism. He has yet to prove his worth  for me and batting at number two???? well enough said.

Match fixing ahoy!!! Well spot fixing to be correct! Yes the IPL is making headlines for all the wrong reasons.

OK OK OK before I am hit with a torrent of 'you are sooo wrong' I now know that if Dame Didi had swanned off to Monaco this weekend she would have had a wonderful time, maybe even meeting the Grimaldi's but she wouldn't have seen any racing. it is next weekend. I can't go a I have cricket all weekend, she will definitely  be there in spirit.

I went to see besty old school friend Duchess Debbie the Wise. She gave me a bag of handles form her old kitchen to spruce up the kitchen cupboards here at Tykes Towers. We believe in recycling and i for one am jolly pleased that we do as they are really lovely and will make my kitchen super smart.


OK short today as its F(rayn)day I need to get to super swanky Lady Lainey office and grab a bacon and egg butty before the 'boys' scoff them all.

Bon Journee

Tired Thursday




I woke up this morning to the strange sight of a huge yellow ball in the sky! yes at 5.15am this morning it was sunny and after it looked as if the world was going to end yesterday morning . The rain lashed down most of the day but by the time I got into Lady Lainey limo/sunseeker yacht to come home it was a completely different day to the one that I had set out in. it was sunny and really beautiful. The weather however had not only made the hair of I,Lady Lainey go frizzy it had also affected the start of numerous cricket matches

Over in Warwickshire, my Vikings had listened to every thing that Gillespie the Gallant had told them and when they eventually went in to the field they hit the ground running to say the least. Liam Plunkett took  five wickets!!!! Well done that man. With his Royal Ryanness taking two  and Patterson taking three. The Bears were all out for 128. Yorkshire closed the day on 11-0 in reply.
Well what can I say except  #COYT.

Michael Vaughan has tipped Joe root as  future England captain ( kiss of death for sure!). Joe makes his debut on home turf later in the season and he is a very talented cricketer, but please do not saddle him with so much, so soon, let him develop at his own pace.


Dame Didi informed me that she would be available over the weekend as she would be very busy in Monaco...........................hold on a cotton picking minute, she is swanning off to Monaco and not taking her  besty sister in the whole world! Well no, it isn't strictly true but she will be watching the F1 on the television but will be there in spirit ( and if there is any in Chateau Saltburn no doubt she will be partaking of it too). I also will be watching as I have high hopes for baron button whoo will be racing on his adopted home soil.

Good news on the footy front, as you know I am a super Blades fan, but do watch Chelsea very closely due to local boy Ross Turnbull being one of the goalies ( and often seen in local cricket club, well I don't see him as I am usually a little giddy after a couple of sherry shandies). well they had a little trip over to Amsterdam to play a game last night and only went and flipping well won!. 2-1 was the blinking score. They won last year and Ross was seen doing a really credible Lady Lainey impersonation in pictures in the paper ( staggering around with a glass in his hand). So jolly well done to the London ( and Lady Laineyville ) boys. A great end to the season for you.

well even though I am sooooo tired and can hardly keep my eyes open, I had better wend my way to super swanky Lady Lainey office, what would the boys get up to if I wasn't there shouting at them????? Probably a lot more work!

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Wet Wednesday



Flipping heck, first they were talking about snow on Countryfile , and we had sunny days with freezing cold winds, this morning I peeped out of the window here at Tykes Towers to a sight reminiscent of something out of the bible! Torrential rain!! So Lady Lainey limo should stay in the blinking garage today whilst I hop on the nearest boat to row me to super swanky Lady Lainey office. What the Donald Duck is going on with the weather? I can see that I am going to be in a state of 'serious afro' by the time I get to Lady Lainey workville!.

I fear that if the weather is not better in the Midlands it can seriously affect the chances of my Tykey Vikings getting a game started this morning against Warwickshire. luckily His Royal Ryanness is fit and well and back with the squad so things are looking good on that score. Only time will tell if the weather will affect it.

FBHCOD are having a bit of R & R ahead of their YB 40 match at the weekend against former besty home county in the south (FBHCITS) Hampshire.

I read this morning that Stuart Broad used to pretend he was Shane Hurley  Warne, well if it was in the 'olden days' all he had to do was stuff a pillow up his jumper and swear alot. If its now............well that would take a spot of plastic surgery Estee lauder products, a hair transplant and constantly swooning over model/actress/designer/mother girlfriend Easy peasy!!!


European Commission Investigators have  raided the offices of several major oil companies as they launch a far reaching probe into price fixing over the last decade. Well if they had spoken to the man on the street ( and on a bike as hardly anyone can afford to drive now) they would have been able to tell them this years ago. Fuel in this country is overpriced and over taxed and making the pleasure of driving now a luxury.#cantaffortogotoDamedidiseveryweek   DO SOMETHING NOW!!!

On this day

May 15th

2013 Only 6 month to the Birthday of Lady Lainey

1966 first day of Sunday play in cricket  Essex v Somerset

1981 Zara Phillips born to The prince Royal and Captain Mark Phillips

So as I now don my Hunters and hunt out my waterproofs I am about to venture out into the lashing rain and go to work!!

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Bruce Ritchie Revisited






As many readers will remember back in October I reported the very sad loss of great friend and wonderful teacher, Mr Bruce Ritchie.

Apart from being a wonderful and funny man he was also a great cricket fan and was Master in Charge of cricket at Merchant Taylors school for many years. His devotion to the sport was evident and his day at the Test Matches were something that he looked forward to. His love of digestive biscuits was nearly as strong as this.

He also taught English and was always ready to talk about books whenever given the chance. He and I spoke often about many of the books that I loved, most especially Brideshead Revisited. He gave me a copy that he 'had spare' and I still to this day read this book once a year, and never fail to get lost in the story.

A friend on Facebook had posted a link to the BBC website last night which I read with great interest and also with a tear in my eye.

The link was reporting on the sale of a collection of books by a 'teacher from Stirling', Bruce. The list of books, from first day covers to signed copies actually read like a library list and as I read I remembered calling Bruce one Sunday evening when he told me that he was 'glad that I called as it has given me a break from doing the mundane chore of dusting my books'.

There are also works by one of my favourite poets Seamus Heaney who I studied for A' level and whom Bruce and I often discussed.

This is a collection of books that show one mans love of literature, a love that he passed onto his pupils and all those around him.I know this personally and I will always be grateful to have known this wonderful man.

If you are interested in reading the article please see the link below.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-tayside-central-22502341


and if you are wondering why there is not a picture today................the stupid flipping uploader isn't working!!!

4.15pm finally got the uploader working!!.

Monday, 13 May 2013

It's May and a snowy week ahead apparently




So today is Monday 13th May and this week here in parts of the UK we can expect snow!!! SNOW!!!!! what the Donald Duck is going on with the weather. I am typing this and looking out of the window at a beautiful blue sky, the sun is shining and now I am debating pulling the boots and the Hunters back out.
How do I know this snow information. Well my Sunday evening habits include watching Countryfile, which gives you the weekly weather forecast ( yes I know I really need to get out more).And sure enough last night they were forecasting snow in parts of Northern England ( and you can be your flipping life it will be in Lady Laineyville). Also for other parts of the country there will be severe frosts.
So now your week is as spoilt as mine ( except if you are reading this in sunny climes!).

So before we are hit by more whit stuff ( and I hardly think it is going to be a huge covering and think that it will only be on hills etc) lets see what is going on this week in cricket.


Yorkshire travel to play Warwickshire this week and lets hope that they see The Bears off!

FBHCOD ( former besty home county of Durham) are not in action  later this week. Their matches at the Oval were hit by rain including yesterday were Scott Borthwick was in great form until the heavens opened.. Well they should be glad it was only rain!


You may have noticed that I have not been reporting much on the F1, well to be honest cricket is my only love and I am a 'fair weather' F1 fan ( and we don't get much fair weather here) and as Baron button has not been putting his foot down of late and stepping up to the podium, I cannot find anything really news worthy to write about. #mythoughtsonly


Mr Funky the Chauffeur and I went out to Lady laineyworkville to mooch around the shops yesterday. I . Lady Lainey came back with a super new mirror and  am now trying to find the best place to put it here in Tykes Towers.

Well it is a short one today as I have to get a wriggle on to get into super swanky Lady Lainey office in time for coffee and 'shouty' time.

so until tomorrow


Sunday, 12 May 2013

Sporty news round up




This was how I felt last night when the result came through that my Vikings had lost their YB40 match against Somerset, but to be fair after the blinding 3.5 days they have just put over I think that they must have been jolly worn out. His Royal Ryanness was back in the team and took two wickets to prove that he is back on form however he got run out when batting.
The Vikings lost by 131 runs! Gillespie the Gallant took to Twitter to say that it hadn't been a great day. I however am not unduly worried, as long as the boys keep up the excellent performances in the county matches, I , Lady Lainey will be a jolly happy lapin.
I am now on countdown to July 12th which is the evening of the Yorkshire T20 match against former besty home county of Durham at the Riverside. This is usually the evening where there is enough rain to float an ark and very little play takes place. Lady Lainey takes shelter but still ends up looking like a drowned rat!.


Tim Bresnan has been talking to 'The Mail' about himself in their series 'Top Secret'/ Well now we all know that Ian Botham is his hero, if he hadn't been a cricketer he would have been a scuba diving instructor. What I Lady Lainey hadn't realised is that we have something in common, that being ( apart from cricket) that we both love 'Game of Thones'.

The Lions match against New Zealand saw the Rot & Bairstow show perform again, however rain dogged their day too. They were on 143 & 45 no out when rain halted play  Meaning that they had to go back into the pavilion and watch the FA Cup final.....................


Which took place at Wembley yesterday afternoon ( I however was having my nap at the time). Which resulted in a shock win by Wigan against Manchester City. By the look on the Wigan Players faces it really was a shock too. Well done to all the players in what really signals the end of the footy season.............for about 5 minutes and then they will all come back, swearing on camera, and spitting on the field YUKKY!!!

Over in the Giro d'Italia poor old Sir Bradley suffered a puncture which resulted in him finishing second in the time trials . He did however lose out to fellow Brit Alex Dowsett who is a time trial champion.

So now it is time to hit the shower, and get ready as Mr Funky the chauffeur is picking me up so that we can go for a walk around Darlington.

Hope that Dame Didi is feeling better today.


Saturday, 11 May 2013

Super Saturday?



Yippeeee it's Saturday and I can party like it's 1999.........................well after I have fought my way to the top of the mountain of washing, been and done the weekly shop for the office 'boys', Stocked up the fridge and freezer and checked out the price of new microwaves. Oh the glamorous life of I, Lady Lainey!  By the time I have done all of that I will only be fit for'partying' my way up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire!!!



So will the Yorkshire boys have been partying last night? well they should have been as they had worked hard all week against Somerset, however the match was drawn. In the eyes of I, Lady Lainey though my boys are winners. Compton was out for a duck ( he's good at those!) to the bowling of Jack Brooks as was Suppiah. Jack took 4 wickets in total in Somersets 2nd innings with Patterson picking up 2, after they were made to follow on. Rain affected the game  badly and a draw was always on the cards. However my Tykes showed what they are made of and are currently top of the Division One table. YEEEAAAHHH!!!!! Go Tykes!!

The Lions were in batting were captain Joe Root made an unbeaten 105 proving that he is a force to be reckoned with. Earlier the tourists lost 7 wickets for 74 runs and were bowled out for  285. Hey Joe could knock that score off himself! But I am sure that he will play fair and give the other a chance. England go in to today's session 219-2.


Good news on His Royal Ryanness, he will be fit for YB40 action today. Wooohooo go Ryan!.


Over in super swanky Lady Lainey office yesterday Pony Paul was not too keen on eating his lunch which is a worry as he can normally eat his body weight in 'McCoys'. After him whining about not be hungry, blah blah blah. I told him that I would force feed him if he didn't eat it. He continued to mutter under his breath and 'Jo Bling' told him that he should eat it as he knew I had a funnel in my drawer and would make him feel like a goose being prepared for Foie Gras!!! Not terribly PC in my office!!! But I don't have a problem with it as I am part French ( the part with the champagne and Gros Plant swilling around!!)

Finally I have to say that I love Harrods. Their customer service department is second to none and I would recommend them to anyone!


Well off to wash the kitchen floor................how more glamorous can it get?????????????


Friday, 10 May 2013

Simply beautiful, simply brilliant,





So what is the above? Well as I Lady Lainey is the most supersonic Concorde fanatic in the whole blinking world, when I saw this my heart skipped a beat. It is only a sculpture using the nose cone of the prototype of Concorde.

Now I would love this as I think that it would look super brilliant in the extensive grounds of Tykes Towers.
It was designed by Sebastian Conrad ( son of Sir Terence Conran), and is  in my eyes a great piece of art ( not like some dirty woman's unmade bed!). Named Icon, anyone who is interested in seeing this will be able to at Royal Ascot where it will be on display.

Simply beautiful.

Now on to simply brilliant. What a flipping 3 days it has been for my Tykey Vikings. Ballance and Rashid stepped up to the batting podium vacated by Root and Bairstow. Then Jack Brookes and Adil Rashid and Tim Bresnan started to take out the batting line up of Somerset. OMG, I kind of think that Gillespie the Gallant must be smiling!....................until the rain came down and play was called off. Somerset finished on 190-5. Frustrating for my boys to say the least.

Durham were in action against Surrey at the oval, Surrey got into bat but the weather again made it impossible to finish the match and there was no result. Today they are in LV county championship action.
They did however have a worrying time when Ben Stokes was stretchered off on a spinal board. He had taken an 'amazing' catch onlyto land badly and be unable to get up.
Durham CCC tweeted regular updates and luckily there is no major damamge and Ben may even be back today.#taketheweekendoff.

The Lions were in action against New Zealand and once again Hamish Rutherford showed what an amazing cricketing talent he is with an  unbeaten 116 on day 1. They closed on 183-3.

Sad news form the world of sailing, Andrew Simpson a double Olympic medallist dies when the catamaran he was training in capsized. Simpson won gold in Beijing and silver in London. A very sad day for sailing.

I took the Lady Lainey limo to the'Tim'll Fix it' last night as it appeared that I had a bulb out.The Royal hounds were there however they were 'in jail' but I still had beautiful paw print design trousers when I got in the flipping limo to come home!!!

So now I am off on the A1 to super swanky Lady Lainey office, the weather forecast is not great so I guess that I will not be seeing much on Twitter today....................better do some work then.

Thursday, 9 May 2013

Yorkshire rolling on

Yes it is Yorkshire on the field!



I am sure that my poor little mobile phone is about to blow up with the amount of Twitter use it has had in the last  few days. I have to keep abreast with what is happening with the Tykey Vikings, and this is the easiest way when I am made to go to super swanky Lady Lainey office on match days.

Holy flipping moly I have no idea what Gillespie the Gallant has been feeding those boys but it is certainly working. Adil Rashid went back out to bat yesterday after rain delayed the start and then bad light affected them. He was finally out for 180 having been bowled by Trego. Gillespie the Gallant decided that they should declare on 505-9 and give Somerset a chance to bat.

It took Yorkshire a while to get into their stride but finally Jack Brooks too Trescothicks wicket which put them on  92-1 over night.
I can tell you that Yorkshire have really spiced up Division one and  methinks that it is going to be an exciting season.
The hard work by the team and the amazing batting by the team is a credit to the coach.

Still no word on the health of his Royal Ryanness!!!

Joe Root was much in the public eye again yesterday giving his first interview as Lions Captain. He also came over as very modest. Makings of a great cricketer but a credit to his parents.I am not 'likey' very much the comparison that the press have hit on , calling him 'The Milky bar Kid'. Any flipping eedjit knows that he bears no resemblance #shouldhavegonetospecsavers

Today former besty home county of Durham are in action against Surrey at the Oval. Sadly for Surrey all the razzmatazz regarding Graeme Smith coming over to play has kind of gone flat as he has to return to South Africa for an operation on his ankle  and will be out for a 'few months'. Not cricket I jolly well say.

It was confirmed yesterday morning that Sir Alex Ferguson has stepped down as manager of Manchester United. Now the papers are full of speculation regarding who will take over.#dontcare

Mr Funky the chauffeur has broken his phone and lost all his contacts. I had text him and when  he replied I asked him how he knew it was me if his contact list was gone. his reply.

'who else would be blithering on about chuffing Yorkshire over 3 texts!!!!'

Cheeky flipping monkey!

Well best try to put a comb through my orange curls and make my way to super swanky Lady Lainey office.



Wednesday, 8 May 2013

WOOOOHOOOO Go Yorkshire!!!





Well before I launch into the cricket news from yesterday, I want to say a big 'Get Well Soon' to his Royal Ryanness who was unable to take his place in the team yesterday due to his taking ill overnight Monday /Tuesday. I hope that it is nothing serious and wish him a speedy recovery. However the 'boys' in the office were a tad more sceptical stating that 'ill' overnight after a bank holiday means one thing!!.............too much 'fizzy pop'!!!'. #benfitofthedoubt

So after a couple of weeks of the Root & Bairstow show, these two boys were missing as they were on Lions duty and it was time for some of the other Tykes to step up. And boy did they do it! Two more came out of the shadows to prove that Yorkshire have the strength within the team. Gary Ballance and Adil Rashid played a blinding game, both scoring centuries ( Ballance 107 & Rashid 119 not out). Yorkshire lost wickets very early when Gale and Jaques went and it was not looking too good. However Gillespie the Gallant  has coached these boys well and with typical Yorkshire grit they 'dug' in and closed the day on  332-5.

Its days like this when you wish you were retired!!

Fantastic score and fantastic team. Huge pat on the back for my boys.

Worrying news from Pakistan that former cricketer Imran Khan was injured yesterday at a political rally, having fallen from a makeshift lift whilst attempting to enter the stage to speak. he suffered head injuries, but later appeared on television from his hospital bed. Get well soon.

Rumour mill is in overtime speculating on the new manager for Sheffield united. Strange though that I, Lady Lainey have not seen my name bandied around on Twitter!! #onlyamatteroftime

Better news for all well brought up people, news that Sir Alex Ferguson may be stepping down as manager of Manchester United. Finally we may not be subjected to him chewing gum with his  mouth open!!.

Now I want to say  a huge thank you to LV the sponsors of County Cricket who selected my suggestion of Joe Roots 182 against Durham as the performance of last month, and rewarded me with a Yorkshire shirt too. Hmmmmmmm I is jolly well wondering if my Tykes are going to deliver it #makemydayTykes!!!


Well off to make the day of the 'boys' in the office and look jolly flipping pretty for 7 hours. Gosh the things we girls have to do to earn a crust!.



Tuesday, 7 May 2013

#GUTTED












Not content with both of my cricket temas losing on Sunday, but the flipping Blades only went and lost to yeovil yesterday!!! OMG so no going up this year. Chris Morgan  wants to become the manager full time now, yeah well my CV is winging its way to Bramall Lane as we speak. I am sure that I can make a difference.

It all went to a late header from Yeovils Ed Upson to secure their win and promotion. Yeovil won 2-1 on aggregate. Sheffield United have now failed to go up in all of their play off campaigns. Last season they lost on penalties to Huddersfield. Sad day for the Blades and I am hoping that Sir Sean of Bean does not have a sore head this morning from drowning his sorrows.

Chris Morgan caretaker manager ( until I Lady Lainey take charge) said that it was 'cruel'. And that he would like to stay on as manager, he did however point out that this may not happen after the result.
Onward to next season boys.

So onto the cricket scores,
Former besty home team of Durham had jumped on a bus after their defeat by Essex on Sunday and hot footed it over to Lancashire where they were in action yesterday. Durham won the toss and decided to field. Lancashire put on  216-9 in their 40 overs. Chris Rushworth again being the major wicket taker.

Durham went into bat with memories of Sunday still very fresh in their minds. Mustard put on an impressive 91 runs before falling to the bowling of Kerrigan. Durham went on to win  by 5 wickets scoring  216.  Well done to the Durham boys.

Today see the start of the 4 day match at Headingley where besty home team of Yorkshire are taking on Somerset. #coyt. I will be keeping up on Twitter. And it looks like Gillespie the Gallant is bringing his Royal Ryanness out of the dressing room!! HURRAH!!

On the cycling front Sir Wiggo is over in Italy cashing his giro? no he is cycling in the Giro D'Italia where he is in second place...........................second place????? better get a wriggle on Wiggo we need to see you up front. Not long until Le Tour!!!

I am thinking that Job the Jolly ( aka Jo Bling) will be a reasonably happy lapin today as Sunderland ( his favourite football team in the whole flipping world), drew yesterday. They were down to 10 men as someone ( Craig Gardner), had been a bit naughty and got sent off.However good result (I think?)


Well its Tuesday the Bank Holiday is over, I am heading back off to super swanky Lady Lainey office to shout at the boys ( they will have missed me over the weekend), drink gallons of coffee ( yea I am back on the caffeine) and look very jolly pretty. And Pauly Paul sometimes ( on the very odd occasion) I do some work too.


Monday, 6 May 2013

Sunny day, cricket play, what to say????








.................I can sum it up in two words, THEY LOST!. Yes both of the teams lost. Besty home county of Yorkshire and former besty home county of Durham.

Yorkshire were beaten by Glamorgan by 28 runs. Glamorgan went in to bat and reached 285-7  with their 40 overs.  Yorkshire went in and lost Phil Jaques and Joe Root in very quick succession. slumping to 1-2 Not a good score and I can tell you seeing this on Twitter whilst watching Durham Dinosaurs did not help with the palpitations I had been suffering since his Royal Ryanness had been doing his stretching exercises in front of me at Chester le Street last week. ................ anyhoo Andrew Gale, Jonny Bairstow and  Gary Ballance all hit 50's which was super brilliant on my scorecard ( no I DO NOT actually keep a scorecard) however wickets tumbled quickly and my Tykey Vikings lost. #ontothenextmatch #headsheldhigh.

So over to the Riverside Ground. Mr Funky the Chauffeur came to pick me up and we then went to pick up Pauly Paul!! And off we went along the A167 singing ... well no we weren't actually singing but talking.

We arrived at the ground in time to see Durham doing some warm up exercises and then the fun began. Sky were showing this live on the television and the camera man kept filming us. Now as you will all know I am very much the shy and retiring type and was trying to avoid being seen.( actually didn't want my Vikings to know I was watching the opposition).
Essex won the toss and elected to field. Durham went in to huge cheers from the crowd ( or was it their resident cheerleaders who sit by the stairs?). However they were soon walking back to the pavilion. Mustard and Stoneman making 11 & 18. Stokes put on 51  even though he got hit in the 'box' and had to have a little sit down. Mr Funky the chauffeur told me when I asked that there is not such thing as TBW ( tiddler before wicket). Quill to paper to MCC as we speak.

By tea ( which we had actually eaten throughout Durhams innings)I Lady Lainey was not sure which way this was going to swing. Now in the former life of Lady Lainey when I lived in London and the former Lord Lainey was not even on the horizon, I used to motor off to Chelmsford to see Essex play. ( well I use to go to ogle Ronnie Irani). So I was interested to see how they got on.
Well they got on jolly well and although the run rate was up and down like a lady of the nights underwear, they won by 4 wickets, putting on 212 in 39 overs.

We all got into the big blue tank thing and conducted the post mortem on the way home.
However a lovely afternoon in the sunshine and we all got a little bit of tan on our faces!

So today I am donning my Sheffield United beanie hat and singing 'The Greasy Chip Butty Song' in support of their match this afternoon. #COYB

Just in case you want to join in the words are as follows and the tune is 'Annies Song'

You fill up my senses
Like a gallon of Magnet
Like a packet of Woodbines
Like a good pinch of snuff
Like a night out in Sheffield
Like a greasy chip butty
Like Sheffield United
Come fill me again....
Na Na Na Naa Naa Naaaaa, ooo!



Sunday, 5 May 2013

Flipping late today!



Zut a flipping lors, I have been up since 5am (again!! my sister woke me up just after 5am yesterday!) and have only just got down to writing my blog. Well I have been busy doing VERY IMPORTANT STUFF. like washing my orange curls and painting my nails, and doing some washing!

It is now nearly nine of the clock and here I am only just putting quill to paper (so to speak).
Well Mr Funky the Chauffeur is coming to collect me at 12.30 and we are picking up Pauly Paul in the big blue tank thing, and we is off to The Riverside to see former besty home county of Durham playing in YB40  action.

Besty home county of Yorkshire are in Colwyn Bay playing today, a tad too far to contemplate a day out even on a Bank Holiday weekend.


Other crickety news is that they are considering banning Chris Gayle from T20 tournaments as he is too good. I would have thought all the more reason to have him playing. Everyman and his dog would be clammering to see  him. Totally stupid thing to write, but more publicity for all involved I suppose.

So yesterday I was at the Ch√Ęteau and also had my first flipping bath since Christmas, not because I am 'stinky Pete' but because here at Tykes Towers I only have a shower. Then Dame Didi and went out into the local community and did our bit for The local Brownie pack funds, by having a jolly large mug of coffee, a cheese scone and a BIG chocolate cup cake ( well the Dame had a lemon one). We then 'shopped' for England before I got into the Lady Lainey limo and headed back over the A66 to lounge around on the chaise longue. ( well I had been up since stupid o' clock).

The footyball results did make Lady Lainey smile too as
Brimingham drew with Blackburn
And The Mighty Whites won away to Watford.

That combined with Friday Blades score made it good footy weekend. however My Blady boys have to get through tomorrow afternoon against Yeovil. #fingersandtoescrossed  #comeonyoublades


On this day

May 5th

1925 Afrikaans is estabished as the national language of South Africa

1943 Michael Palin born ( in Sheffield!!!)

1968 Tim Neilson born (  South Australian  wicketkeeper 1991)


So as time is moving much faster than I , Lady Lainey, I had better get my skates on .

Saturday, 4 May 2013

Saturday at the Chateau



Well today is the saddest day for Countess Christine of McNally, today is the day that Bella and Benji ( the french kissing border collie) are flying the nest. Little Lord John and Miss Amanda are moving into their new home and taking the doggies with them. Countess Christine has been jolly tearful over them leaving home ( she had packed Johns things just after Christmas, its the dogs she will miss). She is now down to 2 Royal hounds at her house Leo the Doberman who thinks he is a Chihuahua and Sheba the German Shepherd. Also tres sad for I, Lady Lainey as I loves all the Royal Hounds. But huge relief that I no longer have to go round to Countess Christines castle and keep my mouth shut when pinned down on the sofa by the collies!!!.

I bought Little Lord John and Miss Amanda a selection of goodies (see above) for their new life together  ( like their old life but with bills!). I hope that  they will be jolly happy.

Yesterday they announced the squad for the ICC Trophy. Triple Tyke action in there which is wonderful. Bresnan, Root and Bairstow.
However the usually crocks are in ,Broad, Finn, so I wonder if team selection is now more of a closed shop and the same names picked regardless of form and fitness. As we all know some players carrying injuries where flipping well flown out to New Zealand and then unable to play. Waste of blinking money is my opinion. Lets hope that the team stands up well in the competition. #ormorequestionsasked

When I got to Chateau  Saltburn last night and had managed to switch on Dame Didi's  flipping complicated television, whoop di doo Gillespie the Gallant  was on ITV4 commentating on IPL. Great to see and hear him and a lot more entertaining than Mark Butcher.

Dame Didi and I are off to hit the shops and the market in Guisborough after having a nice evening last night. Dinner was prepared by M & S and we then watched television whilst I scanned Twitter to see what was happening with The Blades ( see match report below).

Hurrah my super new 'tablety thing' arrived yesterday along with its case and keyboard. I am super excited because now it means that I no longer have to 'borrow' Dame Didi's 'tablety thing' when we are in La belle France. I can now blog anywhere and will be trying this out over the bank holiday weekend. You see when you read this I may have been in the garden writing,or in the kitchen or in the .................... OK you get the idea.

Top office boys too for sorting out my WI FI ( how the flip was I to know that I had always had it!! ) #don'tknowifnottold  #blonde!

So to last nights match report.

The Blades were in action last against Yeovil at Bramall Lane last night. They lost in the play offs last year to fellow Tykes Huddersfield and we are all hoping that this year they can go up.
So after Callum McFadzean's 46 minute goal they are one up going into Mondays match. Lets hope that it is not like last years8-7 penalty shoot out!!! #coyb

Today Birmingham are in action against Blackburn and The Mighty Whites are in action against Watford.

So now I am off to the shops with 'me sister'.

Bye,




Friday, 3 May 2013

Finally it's F(ryan)day and another winning week








Holy flipping mackerel, I thought that it was never going to be F(ryan)day! This has been the longest ( and most exciting cricket wise) week that I have put over in a while. I am still completely worn out.
However tonight when I finish in super swanky Lady Lainey office I am steering the limo over to Chateau Saltburn, where the Dame and I are going to watch Labyrinth ( no not the film with David Bowie.....although that's quite good). The film based on the book by Kate Mosse.

Well lets get to the cricket as it was has been a trifle mad on the cricket front this week.

Over in Leeds home of besty home county in the whole world Yorkshire, 'headband warrior' Jack Brooks took 5 wickets. Derbyshires first innings hero Chesney Hughes went to Liam Plunketts bowling and the collapse continued. Derbyshire were training by 202 runs but only managed 163.
Yorkshire were amazing and I am not just saying this because I am a Yorkshire Lady. I have watched them play badly be relegated, get Gillespie the Gallant and be transformed. Long may this continue.
Congratulations to the besty team and top coach. #wayaw

"We have shown that in different situations we can score runs and take wickets," Yorkshire coach Jason Gillespie said.
"The players have got the belief, the right attitude and a good work ethic, which are great things for them to have. They want to do well for each other and that is what we are trying to create."


Durham also played a blinder ( technical term), after being hauled out of bed at stupid o' clock by fire alarms and a fire!!! Scary!!!
They then went on to fight strongly with Gareth Breese making the winning runs. This was Durhams fourth win at Trent Bridge in their 21 year First class history.
Captain Colleywobble went on Radio Newcastle to say that he was 'stunned by the victory'. Errrr excuse me shouldn't you be putting the thought of victory into your players not saying you are stunned when you win. #wrongattitude #onlytobeexpected

Tonight sees The Blades in action against Yeovil in the first  of their two matches this weekend. #coyb

So without further ado I will now scoot off to super swanky Lady Lainey office and shout at the boys, look pretty and drink gallons of water ( still off the coffee)  for the last time this week.


Oh yes and before I forget a super big shout out for Phil Jaques who is celebrating his 34th birthday today. Well after yesterday that will be a double celebration. Happy Birthday Phil.







Thursday, 2 May 2013

Great day at the crease









What ever this hideous lurgy is that I have acquired it is
  1. Not nice
  2. Making me look and feel awful
  3. Not going away
I took to my bed early last evening, as after a day in super swanky Lady Lainey office with 3 very demanding boys ( yes Dan Dan Cowboy Draughtsman is back), I was totally worn out and just about managed a chapter of the 3rd Volume of the Game of Thrones book.before falling asleep only to wake up 20 minutes later thinking it was time to get up!

Things that made me feel slightly better yesterday, were, good boy of besty home county of Yorkshire Joe Root scoring a million runs ( OK so its a slight exaggeration, 236 ) against Derbyshire in reply to the Chesney Hughes show of the two previous days.
This was a career best for Joe who was partnered at the crease during the latter part of his knock by Jonny Bairstow who put on 186. OMG Yorkshire are really showing why they are back in the first division.. They stood on 597-5 overnight.

Dizzy should be truly proud of his team!

The stats were flying through on Twitter. I really flipping well think that everyone has been slightly shell shocked over the last 5 days by the amazing cricket that has been played. Double centuries have been flooding in since last Thursday and quality cricket is abounding.

So now lets see how former besty home county of Durham are fairing. Well they appear to be  OK with a lead of 151 thanks to Will Smiths  153.
I am noting that the lovely young man Jamie Harrison is STILL playing on the 2nd XI after Geoff Crook Cook said that he would be using him more in the first team. Geoff you will never get this team into any kind of shape if you continue to churn out with the usual suspects who although good are now getting past it, bring in  the young guns. Like Yorkshire have!!!


NORTH EAST WEATHER WATCH

Well after Dame Didi fed me duff information the other night meaning that I didn't hang my smalls on the line yesterday for fear of rain, and it was a glorious day. Today it is dull and overcast and I have a pile of washing the size of Kilimanjaro that needs drying.
The bank holiday weather appears to be good. Well that is until Friday when they forecast, snow, gales, hale and thunder.
 #lookingonthebrightside




Wednesday, 1 May 2013

Excellent Knocks, Mullet shocks, cricket rocks!!!

'The one and only'

So where on earth do I flipping well start today??? Lets start with the most amazing innings by Chesney Hughes at Headingley over the last two days. With an unbeaten total of 270 he was single handedly waging war against 'my boys'. That aside, what an amazing innings from this talented young man from Anguilla ( home of former Hampshire bowler Cardigan Connor). He fell just short of equalling the highest Derbyshire total ( record has stood for 117 years!) but did put on a marvellous display. Derbyshire closed on 475.

Yorkshire came in with Joe Root who stood at close of play on 75 not out. Yorkshire still  311 in arrears according to the BBC website. Yeah well we all know what happened on Saturday.
I can tell you that this has been a great first month in the cricket season.

So last night I took myself off to bed early as I am still not feeling 100% after last week. And then realised that I had not watched his Royal Ryanness on You Tube talking about cricket.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKpw49sbdIs   Absolutely brilliant!!!!.
Seeing Gillespie the Gallant and his Royal Ryanness as 'headband warriors' was hilarious and I think that they need to try this look out at future matches.
Jason, as for having a grey mullet...............go for it, it can't be any worse than an orange afro!!!

Great to see Liam Plunkett speaking positively about his move to Yorkshire. It looks to be the making of him.
Check out  the video it really is a great insight into Headingley and the team, especially as His Royal Ryanness has given aware his 'hiding' technique in the dressing room when Gillespie the Gallant is shouting at them ( surely not??). It is also the location of 'Knickergate' although this was not mentioned!

12 minutes of hilarious fun, check it out NOW!!!
Oh yes and if His Royal Ryanness would like to come and landscape my garden he is very welcome to. ( NB this is not a euphemism!!!!)

So what does today hold in the cricket field.....


Well Yorkshire will be in batting. ( go Joe!)

Former besty home county of Durham are at Trent Bridge and with Will Smith putting on 119 yesterday they go into today on  297-6 in reply to Notts  320.

 what is happening in Lady Lainey land?

Well hopefully by the end of today ( one week after first feeling poorly) I am hoping to be on the mend ( 6.50am and no headache yet). I have to go to super swanky Lady Lainey office to shout at boys, drink gallons of water ( giving coffee a miss today) , look pretty ( rough at the moment)and sort out super new job which filtered in last week.

So best to go and fire up the limo.

Hope today will be equally as exciting cricket wise.

I love cricket me!