Thursday, 31 January 2013

D DAY?






Well off I trotted to 'fat fighters' last night and recorded another flipping loss, that and also racking up points right, left and centre due to having a flipping pedometer clipped onto my waistband. It has nearly caused a panic a couple of times in the little ladies room, I think that you can see where I am coming from there!. I am over the moon and intend to get into the nicest dress I can find for the wedding of the year in late April. Oh yes I am super bouncy excited about the wedding of cousin The Great Gibson. Just got to find a blinking bonnet to wear!

So why is my 6th form tie and prefects badge glaring out form the top of the page? Well today is not a promising day for I, Lady Lainey and I have decided that I need to take positive action, show who is in charge and be more assertive. Not sure if it will have any effect but I am sure that you will hear about it one way or another soon. Cryptic aren't I???????

So Stuart Broad is joining the team out in New Zealand and is claiming he is fit to play blah blah blah................. I give him two matches before he is crocked! mark my words. And if he isn't I will eat a whole bar of Dairy Milk with Orea's diet or no diet!

Still ongoing is the (boring) story of Shane Warne single handedly changing the face of Australian cricket,

1. All players must either have botox or use Estee Lauder
2. All players must have their teeth bleached to a frightening white colour!
3. All players must turn up to the opening of an envelope when not playing cricket ( preferably with some 'model/actress' who made her name off the back of someone else)
4. All players must report every single thing they do to their  loyal followers on twitter.

Well it was something along those lines. ( I think! 'cos I couldn't be bothered to blinking well read it).#ramblingsofacompletepeanut!

I know that the blogs are a bit on the short side these days but 'tales from the boundary' are hard to come by at the moment, roll on April when I can take up my usual position and get out my box brownie to take pictures of my super fave cricketers ( and coach). And also enjoy a few glasses of fizzy pop because Mr Funky the Chauffeur will be driving.................oh I can hardly contain myself.


Fantastic news in the Vendee Globe ( The Vendee being second home for Dame Didi). Alex Thomson came in 3rd and jolly well done to him in one of the most difficult yacht races. From all accounts he will have a sore head this morning.  Well deserved though, congratulations  Alex.

So over on the footy front


Well it is now the end of January and cousin Rt Ho Hooligan Robbo is still wearing the number 30 shirt at Birmingham ( I will probably have jinxed this now!). he has been there since September and with only a couple of yellow cards under his belt, we are all jolly proud of him! He must try to do whatever he does when the ref isn't looking!!!!

More shattering news came through yesterday from The Blades. Nick Blackman is leaving them to join Reading ( for an undisclosed amount). Good luck Nick. That aside its starting to look a little grim at Bramall Lane. #coyb



So to brighten the mood a little  I thought that I would dip back into the fabulous book 'Bats, Balls & Bails' by Les Scott

'Shane Warne's idea of a balanced diet is a cheeseburger in each hand'   Ian Healy

Average, collective noun for county cricketers

'He looks set for a big innings'  - he'll be out before the end of the over.

And finally

Joel Garner was in Derby whilst playing for Somerset. The tea lady looked at him and said 'My word you're a big lad, how tall are you?', 'I'm six feet eight inches ' replied Garner. 'Oh' she said nudging her friend who was pouring the tea 'Are you all in proportion then?'. 'No ma'am, if I was I would be twelve feet six'.
Naughty tea ladies!!!! Naughtier Joel ;-)

Have a great day where ever you are.









Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Wet Wednesday

Leo, no 2 Royal Hound



You will all be well aware no that I, Lady Lainey do not like cold weather or wet weather ( it plays flipping havoc with my orange curls) so to say that the past 10 days have been horrendous for the 'do is an understatement. We are now in the grips of torrential rain and gale force winds!. What is blinking well going on? I am struggling to maintain my usual polished Lady Lainey chichi style. However I am trying ( YES VERY TRYING, 'Job the Jolly'), which can be very made even more  difficult when you 'pop' into see 'Tim'll Fix it' after work, Enter the building in black trousers,black boots and camel coat. Go into office get 'loved' by the royal hounds ( all flipping four of them) and exit wearing black/camel/muddy paw print ensemble. Tres chic!!!

And talking French, the Duke and Duchess of Adelaide have landed back in OZ after a mammoth trip to the Northern Hemisphere. The Duke enjoyed France so much that he is learning the lingo and yesterday lunchtime /evening Oz time, we were conversing in French via Twitter!. Allez Troy!.

It is actually very quiet on the sporty front ( only for the things that I ,Lady Lainey am interested in ) apart from Mr Warne making his mouth go again. This time he is going to unveil his blueprint ( yuk I would rather he didn't!) for the future of Australian cricket, he also wanted to suggest who would be running Aus cricket ( my betting is Mr S Warne-Hurley ). This was after his rant on Twitter. My thoughts are that if you have something to say to the Authorities, say it to them, and not to all your followers on Twitter.

Breaking news.....he is loading his blueprint onto his website and according to @Thecricketgeek   'Part 2 of Shane Warne's treatise on Australian Cricket will be the most anticipated sequel since Alvin and the Chipmunks 2' #muststoplaughing

Oh dear Wednesday morning and nearly off on a flipping full scale rant so...........breathe!

Super Tyke Joe Root has been talking to the press about his lack of nerves regarding his Test Career. Ever a true Yorkshireman, he stated that he was only too aware that it could end at any time. Smart and talented!! has anyone told this to KP????

On this day

30th January

1965 The State funeral of Winston Churchill

1977 Alan Border score 36 on his 1st class debut (NSW v QLD)

1994 Kapil Dev equals Richard Hadlee's record of 431 test wickets


And so I am about to venture out into gales and rain to bring a smile to the little faces of the boys in the office and to consume as much coffee as I can in 7 hours!!!!

Bon Journee

Tuesday, 29 January 2013

Memory Lainey



You may be wondering what this picture is of , well this is where Lady Lainey and Dame Didi lived when they were little ladies ( Yes and OK Tzarina Katerina lived there too). Truly wonderful but it would be a blighter to heat today! And as for mowing the extensive grounds and the Deer Park...............'MR FUNKY WHERE ARE YOU'.

However now that everything is (finally) settled with Tykes Towers I can really turn my hand to getting some work done. So why the memory Lainey title I hear you saying. Well I was thinking about when we lived at the above abode, The Rt Hon Robbo's were all playing cricket at Super Shildon BR ( and look at them now one is El Presidento). Dame Didi was at school and I was a chubby legged beautiful little Lady Lainey.
Geoff Boycott was into his playing career at Yorkshire and  besty cricket coach in the whole blinking world Harry Latchman was playing at Middlesex.

Fast forward 21 years ('hahahahahaha 'Job the Jolly!) and I now live in  Co Durham, have a 5year Durham County Cricket club membership and try to see Yorkshire play as much as possible. Tykes Towers has extensive grounds but luckily not as extensive as first home. Lots of water under the bridge.


So back to the present and Ashley Giles has been saying that he is a tad nervous about his new role, but flew out to New Zealand anyway. I am not surprised he is nervous, you can never be sure what the shower of a team are going to do next ( win would be a start!).

Mr Estee Lauder Shane Warne has made an attack on the Australian Cricket Authorities calling them 'Muppets'. And also commenting on their 'rubbish ' decisions. Well Shane, Kermit, Fozzie and Miss Piggy think you are a sore loser and need to keep your trap shut, you sound like a petulant child. You were in the wrong, take it like a man..............................and get Liz to stick up for you!

Finally in UK last night on BBC3 there was a great documentary on HRH Prince Henry of Wales ( Harry to everyone). It was a great insight into the life of a man who is building his own role within the British Army. He is funny, intelligent and above all dedicated to his role in the Army. When the media try to take him down by hounding his every step he tries to take it on the chin.Give him a break and give him some space.
He is a man with two jobs ( rare in most men) and as he stated he is lucky to even have a job!

Well off to make those 'boys' do their jobs now.



Monday, 28 January 2013

I want a 2 day working week and 5 day weekend!



Well it might be 'snow less' here but it is flipping brass monkey weather, and after wading through 'Red Sea' like puddles  yesterday,hoping Moses was round the corner, and then nearly coming a cropper on sheets of ice that put the polar icecap in the shade. I am pleased to say that even that has disappeared this morning. So I am getting ready to venture forth to the icy wastes of super swanky Lady Lainey office. The big dilemma  this morning...........which hat to wear??? Well not your problem but super huge one for I, Lady Lainey.


Anyhooo over in India, England finally won a ODI, sadly the last one, but they did win. My favourite motor mouth Ian Bell hit an unbeaten 113.
The really sad thing is that super Tyke Tim Bresnan has been omitted from the remainder of the winter tour and went on yesterday to take 4 wickets. Super bowling Tim. Joe Root fell foul of Jadeja on 31 however KP was out for 6.
England now need to regroup and think about the remainder of the winter when they meet New Zealand.

Also with the news of Graham Gooch stepping down, it looks as if  Graham Thorpe will be stepping into his shoes.

However over in the footy The Mighty Whites only took down Tottenham!!!!!!!!! Holy flipping Tykearoony! that is blinking brilliant. I can tell you that when the result came through last night I Lady Lainey was fair whooping with delight. #COYT!!!!!!!
Just heard that they take on Manchester City in the 5th round :-(

Late news from the Africa cup of Nations from Saturday Tunisia lost to Cote D'Ivoire. :-(

So its the start of the week here at Tykes Towers and actually have no real plans except that I have to get an electrician to sort out the kitchen light. I feel like I am in 'Stringfellows' the way it is flashing, just dreading a hideous little perma tanned, mullet topped 'gnome' jumping out of the pantry.

Also I am wanting to get some planting done in the extensive grounds of Tykes Towers and get quotes for having gravel laid, even some in the Deer Park. so all in all it is going to be a busy week.
Dame Didi said that she is pooping over tomorrow to bring me a cheque...............woooohoooo depending on the size of the cheque you may not be hearing from me for a while!.


On this day

28th January 

1965  The Who make their first appearance on British television

1955 Nicolas Sarkozy born in Paris

1986 25th Space Shuttle Challenger explodes 73 seconds after lift off

1986 Jessica Ennis born in Sheffield ( Mr Funkys likes Jessica!)


Got to run! have a great day.

Sunday, 27 January 2013

and I open the curtains to.....





this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Nearly all the snow has gone. After having struggled to Lady Laineyville in over 4 in ( and 7+ where it had drifted) of snow yesterday, I was dreading what was on the other side of the curtains this morning. I wish  that I had taken a picture with my Box Brownie yesterday so that you could compare. It looks like it will not be 'shovels at dawn' tomorrow as long as it doesn't freeze and the drive turn into an ice rink!.

Before I carry on I have to say a super brave boy well done to The Blades who sadly got knocked out of the FA Cup. They  were taking on the Premiership side Reading who scored twice before half time. The Blades created several chances but just could  not get it past Adam Federici. Nick Blackman was soooo very close. However well played the Blades we are all proud of you. #nextyear

Today sees The Mighty Whites taking on Tottenham fingers crossed that these Tykes get through.


over in the crazy world of cricket news is coming through on the Laineyline that Graham Gooch is giving up as batting coach for the one day side to concentrate more on Tests. Wish the players would do the same!.

And in the final ODI in India, the scores at the moment are India 226 with England in at the moment and on 30 for no loss after 7 overs.

One of Lady Lainey's all time heroines is the late Princess Grace of Monaco  She always was impeccably turned out ( and  she wore tiaras!) and conducted herself with the dignity necessary of her position. I am hating now reading that with the release of a film featuring pasty faced, stick thin ( which Princess Grace never was) Nicole Kidman, they are bandying hideous things about her life in Monaco. This happened to the much loved Princess of Wales and both died tragically and before their time. No one knows what went on in their lives and although many have speculated the truth thankfully went with them to the grave.........OK rant over.

Well it was super busy day at 'The Towers' yesterday, with I, Lady Lainey making home made sausage rolls, 3 jars of lime pickle and  a fabulous pizza for dinner ( Saturday takeaway(ish ) night). As well as doing all the horrid things like, HOUSEWORK ( yukky horrid swear word!!!!)

Today I have already made a batch of butternut squash, carrot and cauliflower soup, and later may make danish pastries again!

So with that I think that I had better get dressed ( yep I am still in my dressing gown!) and get a wriggle on



Saturday, 26 January 2013

PS to yesterday





Sir Samuel 2008


OK, not only was it F(Ryan)day yesterday but I had also forgotten to mention it was the birthday of Sir Samuel. Five years ago yesterday evening he came into the world, a bit early and very small, but five years on he has more than made up for it. He is the funniest little chap and as mad as a box of frogs ( inherited from Countess Culshaw). I know that he had a wonderful day and is looking forward to his birthday party next weekend.

So yesterday I, Lady Lainey trotted off to work in my heels , loving the fact that the snow had all but disappeared. yes you have blinking well guessed it, 11.30am bucket loads of the white stuff falling out of the sky!What a twit I looked walking through town at lunchtime!. Upside of the whole bally thing is that Job the Jolly called it a day at 2.00pm and I was in the Lady Lainey limo pretty flipping quick smart hurtling back to Tykes Towers ( OK! I was driving like my granny as the roads were lethal)

So last night was 'An evening with Jason Gillespie' at Collingham CC. As you are aware Mr Funky would not chauffeur me and to be honest  between 11.30am yesterday and 11.30pm last night we had over 4 in of snow dropped on us. So he was probably right to say no. However as Gillespie the Gallant was tweeting about setting off to go etc, I was not a happy bunny.

Other goings on in the world of Cricket, Danny Briggs the spin bowler has been ruled out of the  rest of the England winter tour as he sprained his ankle in a fitness session!!! WTF!  Does the session not state fitness! oh deary me I see that England are on a slippery slope again!.

Over in Lancashire they have signed former Derbyshire and Leicestershire  all - rounder Wayne White.


I don't normally tread into the land of celebrity ( except the Warne/Hurleys) however I saw pictures of Kim Kardashians gifts from Kanye West. He had bought her 5 bracelets from Cartier, this confirmed what I had always known, Money does not give you class/style/ideas. Hideous to say the least #myopiniononly.

Well this is short as I am going to go out to Lady Laineyville to do the weekly shop for the 'boys' in the office and then come back to some serious domestic goddessing ( washing already done!!!).
I am donning the Hunter and about to sally forth, in the words of Mae West ' I used to be Snow White, but I drifted' ............... yes indeed all the way up my drive barricading the garage door!!!!

Sir Samuel Xmas 2012

Friday, 25 January 2013

Yes yes yes its F(ryan)day





I am super bouncy happy clappy excited because not only is it F(ryan)day, it is the last day of the week in super swanky Lady Lainey office and that means that I can have a couple of lie ins and have a glass of extra fizzy pop. ( without fear of Plod pulling you over and making you inflate a balloon or what ever they do).

Actually I thnk that I may be having an early night tonight, last night I went to bed at 7.45pm as I was really tired, went straight to sleep and woke up at 5.14am this morning!!! Now I am either totally worn out with all the snow.walking/skidding or I am coming down with something. Just hope its the former.

Tzarina Katerina sent me a text last night to say that she is staying in the house across the road from  Tykes Towers?????? Looking after Jack?????? I hope that Jack is the name of the house and not a human or an animal because heaven help them if they are!

I wondered if Wiggo would make any statement regarding Lance Armstrong, well he has! stating that he is 'sad and angry' and who can blame him. He has worked hard to get to the top of the tree and for all cyclist now and those who competed with Armstrong there will always be a 'did he??' hanging over them. As Wiggo said this was someone that he admired and looked up to for a long time. Sadly heroes are not always what you think they are.

In the crazy world of cricket super Tyke bowler Tim Bresnan has been omitted from the team to go to New Zealand. Never mind Tim get back in training with the Tykes ready for the start of the season here.

Essex look to be having problems for the start of the season, Cook is out because of England duties and 3 others due to IPL commitments.........................so why are they still under contract to the club when they cannot commit to a full season. They are making more money out in the IPL. I will be watching the 3 with interest this season to see how they play and how injury prone they are. Essex have signed Rob Quiney to try to help them out. I, Lady Lainey think jolly good shake up in the team is what they really need!!! or bring back Ronnie Irani????? #justasuggestion #eyecandyforladylainey.

Over in the Africa Cup of Nations Tunisia are taking on Cote Ivoire tomorrow at 3.pm.

Here in Blighty

The Blades are taking a trip to Reading in FA cup 4th round #COYB!!!!!

Birmingham are in action against Burnley  ( no yellow card Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo)

And in the North of Blighty we have had no more snow and I am going to risk wearing a pair of heel to super swanky Lady Lainey office..........................yes and I will also be wearing 3 pairs of thermals, 2 t shirts a jumper, trousers  and a hat.

so from super sumo woman it is 'sayonara'




Thursday, 24 January 2013

Bouncy twirly ( don't slip on the ice) Thursday






Lady Lainey's XI ( well 3)


Flipping heck, walked/slipped/skidded off down to 'fat fighters' last night and I had only lost 6.5lbs. Zut a flipping lors I am fair fading away ( not much chance of that).I think the secret is drinking 2 litres of water a day. I lost weight running up and down stairs to the ladies room!. OK enough of all that!


It is still freezing   here in the icy waste of the North of blighty and it was down to -8 last night. The roads are not going to be too good this morning, so I am making an early start to try to avoid the mad panic/ rush. I did not see any gritters out last night which is a worry too. However hopefully today will warm up and the thaw can begin.

Soooooooo do I need to mention the results of yesterdays ODI?? well yes I do. India sealed a 3-1 lead  yesterday. They had won the toss and put England into bat. Cook and Bell opening. Bell was out with 10 runs on the board, and Pieterson and cook both came out of it with 76 runs apiece. Joe Root was next highest scoring on  57 N O. They finished  257 after 50 overs. Not a bad score. However India went into bat and finished on 258 in 47.3 overs ( Bresnan taking one wicket). Calls of poor umpiring did not mar the game but maybe some decisions  were not great. England need to regroup and possibly omit Bell #onlysaying!!!

Dale Benkenstein has been named captain of MCC  Squad to play Warwickshire in Abu Dhabi in March. Sad to say no Tykes have been selected!.

In football land Swansea knocked Chelsea out of the League cup so not a good night for Rafa. I, Lady Lainey keep a careful eye on Chelsea as local boy Ross Turnbull sometimes play. When he is in the area he can be spotted in Lady Laineyville Cricket/ sports club. He also is very good chap and does a lot to promote the football club there. Local boy who hasn't forgotten his roots.


Prince Harry arrived home last night after serving his country. I am sick of the media being on his case. yes he is a Prince, but he is also a young working man. So letting his hair down every now and again should not be sensationalised by the media. They terrorised his mother and we all know how that ended.They played pranks on the hospital where his sister in law was ill very early in her pregnancy, carrying the future Heir to the throne. And we all know how that ended. Cut Harry a bit of slack and let him have some life before he settles down and enters 'The Firm' properly.

OK Royal Rant over.


 I am keeping it short today as I have lots to do before I zoom of to super swanky Lady Lainey office. however I'll be back............................................

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Very weary!





I want SUNSHINE!!!!





Well after the extreme disappointment that is Mr Funky not being a chuffing good chauffeur, I am resigning myself to the fact that I will be reclining  on the chaise longue on Friday evening clutching a bottle of fizz  and besty soft toy cuddle friend Pink Hippo, throwing darts at pics of aforementioned chauffeur,  That aside  I am not one to hold a grudge  but he had better check his food when we go to cricket! Actually I am slightly (only slightly) glad, it is only Wednesday and I am totally wiped out, wearier than the weariest thing ever. All this struggling to super swanky Lady Lainey office in the snow is taking its toll.

The weather was worse than poo yesterday ( meteorological term....YES REALLY!!), so I left the office at 4pm and made my way back to Lady Laineyville. Cold wet, tired and thoroughly fed up with the weather in general. I couldn't be bothered to do anything when I got home, so just sat and watched rubbish on the TV.

Well today is the third ODI, it starts at 6.30am UK time and as it is 6.00am they will still be playing football on the field!. India have won the toss and elected to field.

The Blades were due to be in action last night against Bury but the match was postponed!

Last night in League Cup action  League Two Bradford beat Aston Villa  4.3 on aggregate to get through to the next round. Well done to them I bet there will be a few sore heads this morning.

On the cycling front, Lance Armstrong is also managing to drag as many people down with him as possible and I wondered how long before Sheryl Crow was brought into the 'ring'. Wonder when his ex wife gets dragged in too, and his children??? It is all turning into a horror of horrors for all people who had been associated with Armstrong.

 On this day 

23rd January


1948 Bradman scores  201 in 272 mins  ( 21 fours 1 six included)

1952 Omar Henry South African cricket born ( first non white player for South Africa)

1974 Glenn Chapple born ( Lancs Eng A player)

1990 Dean Jones ( Deano) scores twin test tons v Pakistan at the Adelaide Oval.

1993 Graham Gooch scores his 100th 100


WOW its been a real cricket  'on this day' today

Well off to shout at the boys ( or maybe boy if Jobbers hasn't dug himself out yet!) and also freeze my wotsits off. When really all I want is to be sitting in the sun........................

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Lady Lainey not friends with Mr Funky the Chauffeur :-)








Well after driving to work in super swanky Lady Lainey office yesterday in a blizzard. Job the Jolly decided that we could go home at 3pm!! Yippee so I went  rushing ( OK driving like my granny) home to make snow angels in the garden. Actually was doing 'donuts' on the front lawn as 'eedjit; had not moved his van and I couldn't get the car onto the drive!!

Over in the crazy world of cricket. Mr Shane Hurley Estee Lauder Warne had taken to Twitter to 'moan' about his fine for the captaincy debacle. Claiming that he was unaware of the rules and needed to be informed. Well splashing it on Twitter is hardly a way to look contrite, it actually made him look like a whining sore loser.
He also was fund raising for his 'Trust' over the weekend. @Elizabethhurley had tweeted 'so many $ for underprivileged kids'. Was it a fund raiser for goats? Apparently underprivileged goats too???. I am sure that the underprivileged goats are over the blinking moon, however underprivileged children are probably not too happy.!!! #onlyspeakingcorrectly.


Ireland have announced that they will play  host to Pakistan for two ODI's in May. Hope that this is a success, as you know I saw Ireland play last season and think that they are a strong team. They have come on in leaps and bounds under the coaching of Phil Simmons. Phil said that these two matches are ' a great way of measuring where we are as a team'. Its looking to be a busy summer of cricket in Ireland.

On this day 

22 January

1988 First class début of Hansie Cronje

1988 First class debut of Brian Lara

2008 Heath Ledger died



Finally.........................

I, Lady Lainey have been trying to talk Mr Funky the chauffeur into taking me to see Gillespie the Gallant at Collingham Cricket Club on Friday evening, however the weather forecast is really rubbish and Mr Funky said no. ( actually he said a lot more than that but being a Lady I will not repeat it). The gist being

Lady Lainey  Hey Mr Funky would you  chauffeur me to Collingham Cricket club on Friday evening to see Gillespie the Gallant. There is food.......

Mr Funky  NO!

Lady Lainey   I will pay for your ticket

Mr Funky  NO!!

Lady Lainey  Oh go on Mr Funky, you  flipping well know how much I love Gillespie the Gallant

Mr Funky   NO!!!

Lady Lainey   I promise I will behave in a ' Lady Lainey ' like manner

Mr Funky   That's what I am afraid of...............


Not quite sure what he was implying!!!




Monday, 21 January 2013

Monday Moan









Cold, snowy, and Monday! OMG how flipping worse can it get??? Well I suppose that it could be snowing and a cricket day ( and yes that has happened). So I am struggling to get into my thermals and also to try to find something that doesn't make me look like a sumo wrestler. Another snow fall over night has made it not a pleasant drive to work. And the 'eedjit' from way up the street with the van and trailer has parked right across the bottom of my drive making it nigh on impossible for me to swing the limo off the drive. OH no Monday morning and I am cross already, hope the boys are ready for this!.

Black night of the Ferrari ( or monster truck as it was last night) tipped up and stayed for dinner. He also took a very unflattering pic of me and 'dared' me a bottle of champers to put it on Facebook for 10 minutes. Well I did and I have left it there so he now owes me big time!.Then he drove off into the snowy wastes of the North of Blighty, however lucky so and so is off to hot and sunny climes (UAE) later this week. #veryenvious

Trouble in cricket land with more bans this time for  AB de Villiers for slow over rate in the match against Australia on Saturday.
 Also Ashley Giles has been defending his position as  England's limited over coach saying that England must be 'Strong minded' to recover in the one day series. No S**t!!! flipping heck what a well thought out statement. I think that I could be applying  for this post in the near future!! ................and breathe!!


Well I went to bed early so that I could continue reading the heavy tome that is the official biography of Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother.I was reading all the events in the run up to her wedding. I put the light out at 10.00pm and before I knew it woke up in a major panic, sweating and really frightened. I looked at the clock and it was 11.06pm. Now what was all the panic about??. Well I had dreamt that I was getting married ( yes that's enough to get anyone in a panic), I was trying to walk to the venue which was a remote castle. I was getting helped to dress by the former master in charge of all things gamey at former top boys school, where I worked, and lastly and I didn't know any of this until I was walking down the aisle and the groom turned round. No it was not Sir Sean of Bean......................it was flipping well Former Lord Lainey!!!!!!!!!!!!! No wonder I was in a panic.
OMG I have to stop reading before bed!!!


Thought for the day that Dame Didi missed the other day

How very true.

Sunday, 20 January 2013

Snowy Sunday too..........





Lady  Lainey Domestic Goddess




So after braving the elements and having a walk/slip/tiptoe/slide to Lady Laineyville, I came home all prepared to dig in and bury myself in my 'blanky' and watch rubbish on the TV. However something jolly blinking strange happened when I got back to Tykes Towers, and I think that it may have had something to do with my bump on the head earlier in the week.

I came home and started cooking!!!!! Now this is not so strange in itself as I can cook flipping well, because for many years after leaving 'finishing' school I worked in super top boys school in the south of Blighty  and there I was trained in all ways catering. However over the past few years ( mainly when married to Former Lord Lainey, who lived on takeaways) I do not cook too much apart from the cricket teas and 'banging' things in the slow cooker.

So I came home and made rhubarb and blackberry Danish pasties. OMG they were gorgeous and I think that I will be making those again. Also made super sticky chicken and egg fried rice for dinner (see pic below)

Whilst I was doing all this and clearing out the freezer ( trying to squeeze 'work boys' fat fighter meals in), and preparing super lunch and dinner, I was listening to the ODI  'on't wireless' . well England were bowled out for 155, with super Tyke Joe Root being the top scoring on 39. India responded well and won in 28.1 overs.The penultimate match is a day/nighter on Wednesday. Lets hope that they are a bit more 'together' by then.My question is,why are they not consistent ( yea I know they have lost consistently this ODI series.) sometimes they don't seem to play like a 'team' and as I often say there is no room for 'divas' and 'show ponies' in the game..........talking about 'show ponies' I wonder what the Warne/Hurleys are up too?????

Football was on!!!!!

Birmingham drew 2-2 with Brighton ( 5 yellow cards, none Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo, phewww!!!)

The Mighty Whites won 1-0 against Bristol City

The Blades  drew 1-1 against Notts County

So I am proud of all 'teams' who went out and braved the elements ( just like I Lady Lainey).

Today it is still snowing intermittently and I am going to have a walk out in it, mainly because Mr Funky the Chauffeur has gone to work and I do not want to stay in the house all day. So I am ramming the earphones of my MP3 player into my ears as I speak and having a walk to the strains of 'Raspberry beret' by Prince.

Until tomorrow!!!!


Woohooo!!!! Eat your heart out Nigella!!!!



Saturday, 19 January 2013

We got more snow!






PH and the Snowmen ( & Rudolph) sounds like a boy band!



Well the snow did materialise as we had been warned by every form of media on the planet. However not in the amounts that had been frequently blabbed about. So the fact that I had been making lashings of Corned Beef Hash, Braised steak, and Coq au Vin to put in the freezer so that when I was snowed in Tykes Towers I could conserve my energy by just putting the grub in the microwave to heat up was wasted really as I can still ( fall) out of the door. Although the weather is still poo ( real meteorological term!), and I am still in my Hunters, I now am looking forward to the heady days of Jimmy Choo's and matching handbags, rather than wellies and carrier bags!.

Well what a week it's been here, with the Tesco/ Aldi/ (my) lidl (pony) scandal and the hype regarding 'worse blizzard conditions this millennium ( yep and we are only 13 years into it),Lance Armstrong and his drug taking ( performance enhancing type only) and of course His Royal Ryanness's birthday. I wonder what next week will hold, maybe Tesco/Aldi and Lidl will have beef in there beefburgers? Only joking. Yes seriously only joking!!

I am now preparing to walk to Lady Laineyville to do some shopping for the 'boys', yes even in snow and ice, I , Lady Lainey  venture forth  and shop for the office boys so that they will have their daily intake of 'fat fighters' lunches. What a flipping heroine I am.

Well it is obviously a flipping lot hotter in India than here, however in  the ODI it is not looking too hot for the England boys. Top 3 batsmen out for 59. Oh deary. Super Tyke Joe Root is batting at the mo and is on 6.
#coyt

In football today

Birmingham are at Brighton ( not looking promising)
The Mighty Whites are home to Bristol City

The Blades are away to Notts County.

Around the leagues there are a lot of matches postponed so hopefully all of the above will get a kick about.

I am keeping this short as I want to get to Lady Laineyville and back so that I can wrap up in my 'blanky' and go back to sleep.

Keep warm where ever you are.

STOP PRESS
UPDATE 8.14am UK time

Blinking bally blizzard now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh well as Captain Oates said 'I am going outside..............'


Friday, 18 January 2013

Freakin',freezing F(ryan)day






Where the flipping heck has the week gone (under a blanket of snow, ice and freezing fog!). I cannot believe that it is F(ryan)day again. Another weekend is looming with nothing to do  but peep out from under the duvet to see if the snow has gone, or in the case of the blizzardy north East of Blighty, how many more inches have been dropped off during the night! 

I am heartily sick of it, and it is beyond a blinking joke! Much a I loves me Hunters, I do not want to wear them everyday as I do not have a matching tiara!  I tend to sweep into Super swanky Lady Lainey office hoping that the 'boys do not notice my fashion faux pas.( only thing that they notice about me is whether I have carrier bags of food for them!). I have struggled this week to be my usual 'chichi' self, and cannot wait to get back to some sort of clothing normality.( any kind of normality would be good). Jimmy Choo's ahoy!!!

Well the super bouncy, happy,jumpy up and downy twirl around like a mad twirly thing, about today ( apart from being F(ryan)day)  is that it is only 78 days until the start of the cricket season. With both besty Home county of Yorkshire and former besty home counrty of Durham in action at their repective HQ's. Oh I can hardly wait and I am madly ticking the days off my 365 Hats calendar.

However sad news  ( except for  the the caterers) is that Ian Blackwell  34 year old all rounder for  former besty home county of Durham may be forced to retire due to on going shoulder problems. He had  a third shoulder operation two months ago and the prognosis does not look good. he may never play professional cricket again. Geoff Cook had made some statement but as with all things that come out of Geoff Cooks mouth ( apart from the words 'I resign')  I switched off. Here at Tykes Towers we wish Ian all the best what ever happens.

Wooohooo yesterday Elizabeth Hurley let rip with swear words at Perth airport and is reported to have pushed the reporter who  was trying to get the low down on Shane's antics ( and his beauty secrets?). Oh deary me, it seems that either she has learnt the word from her latest squeeze or has kept her language in check until now. Well at least she will have sworn with perfect articulation and diction. #showingtheirtruecolours

It is now official and Lance Armstrong is the biggest blinking cheat in the world. Yes he took performance enhancing drugs to win all seven Tour de France titles.  to make an 'even field' he stated. Well I Lady Lainey cannot understand how the same person winning seven  times makes an even field??????? Big fat lying cheat, and not a nice boy either!.( you would never catch my Tykes cheating)

Mr Funky the chauffeur asked me to go into town and get hime some tickets for a football match( TICKETS FOR  A FOOTBALL MATCH, I ,LADY LAINEY!). Now this asking me to go and get things for him is becoming a habit and I am going to stamp it out right now. Luckily with the weather conditions I assume that the match will be called off.

And so I am rushing around here at the Towers at 6.24am  getting ready to make the crawl to work, today with new route, A167, A1, A68 straight to super swanky Lady Lainey office

Happy F(ryan)day to you all


Thursday, 17 January 2013

Tired out today!









Well I Lady Lainey went to fat fighters last night and hadn't lost an ounce which should have been quite disheartening, but I look at it that I am having a little rest before losing again next week Now that  I have a 'Fat fighters' app on my phone there is no excuse not to lose weight. All this new technology, and 'tinterweb' is amazing,its not the old day when we all huddled 'roundt wireless'. Not that I young Lady Lainey remembers this, however Tzarina Katerina will!!

Well we still have snow and freezing fog and flipping freezing temperature. The duvet moved off the bed last night and I can tell you the blast of cold air up my Pj's was not pleasant! So tonight I am having 2 hot water bottles and putting the feather and down duvet on the bed ( its heavier and hopefully won't move as much). I know that readers in warmer climes will be wondering what all the fuss is about, but last night it was -8c and I can tell you I don't know where the draught was coming from in Tykes Towers, but I certainly know where it was going to!!!

 Oh dear over in Oz it seems  to be all going wrong for Shane Warne as he is looking at another ban after failing to name himself Captain in Melbourne Stars defeat against Perth in the  BBL. Also slow over rates have been brought up and in all it looks as if it has not been the best start to the New Year for Mr Hurley  Warne. I wonder how many swear words he muttered under his breath?


Alec Stewart has waded in to  praise Cook on his comments re England being 'outskilled and outplayed' in the ODI. Looking at the pictures of some of the England players, I began to wonder if they spent as much time in the nets as on the tattooists table maybe we could be more consistent!.#onlyathought

The Duke of Adelaide has landed in London and hopefully will enjoy freezing temperatures and snow. Having just been over in New York which he enjoyed. I wish both the Duke and Duchess a great holiday here in England.

There was a lot of rumpus yesterday about certain supermarkets in the UK selling burgers with horse meat in them. Well when they showed the percentage of horse meat in each burger I was amazed it was more meat than the burgers had ever seen before!  That must have been how they got rumbled!.

A list of gifts to the royal family has been published today, Her Majesty the Queen got ( amongst other things) a tea cosy  complete with corgi's knitted onto it. I  think I may knit her one of my world famous cricket jumper tea cosy's. Or maybe not!! The list was interesting reading. The Princess Royal received a horse blanket, very useful.

Well I am off to face the exciting drive to super swanky Lady Lainey office and I hope that the temperature does rise above 0c today, they keep telling me ' on't wireless' that it isn't.  I am packing my sleeping bag for extra warmth!


Oh yes,nearly forgot to say  a big 'hello' to new readers yesterday in Kenya and Congo.
Bon Journee

thought for the day...
How very true!

Wednesday, 16 January 2013

Flipping freezing still





Which ones today? Yep the green ones I think!



Well I the lovely Lady Lainey am really struggling with the cold and snow, as you know the stork lost his bearings and dropped me off in the wrong country and I should be basking in sunshine, watching cricket, drinking spiced rum punch and generally being tanned and above all WARM!!!!

Instead I spend way too much time in super swanky (flipping freezing) Lady Lainey office with my nose running like a tap, listening to 'the boys' moaning about all things 'draughtsmany'.  Then I drive home through blizzards, to Tykes Towers and wrap up on the sofa with 'blanky' dreaming of the cricket season ( yes Ok it will still be flipping freezing but at least it would break the monotony of work).

Sad news now.....................The doors of Platinum Duck Palace, hub of cricket tea empire, are going to remain firmly closed this season. After (not so)lengthy discussion with cousin Rt Hon Robbo Jnr (El Presidenti) I have stepped down as tea lady extraordinaire for super Shildon cricket club ( for this season anyway).  Mr Funky the Chauffeur commented on this, saying ' no blinking excuse to miss any proper cricket matches now, or to forget to bring food!' how  very flipping dare he, when he often misses games due to going off to hit a ball around with a stick and then hike 9 miles over grass and sand ( and sometimes wade through water). BOYS!!! as I often said  they are one of the many things that I do not understand.

Crickety news now.... over in India, England were playing the 2nd ODI. Joe Root was on the team and scored 36, Pieterson scored 42. Bell scored 1, his mouth has remained firmly shut for once as normally it goes faster than his legs!. The team crumbled to a 127 run defeat! Cook is reported to have said that England were 'outskilled'. #understatement

Over in Scotland they are ringing the changes in all sports, and yesterday named former Mighty White, Gordon Strachan as their new football manager. 'Go Gordon'.

Talking Mighty Whites, they took Birmingham out of the FA Cup last night. 2 yellow cards per team showing not a good clean match . But luckily cousin Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo must have been reading my thoughts on his recent antics as he jolly well got through the match with a clean sheet. Well done that boy.

Also a very big shout out to His Royal Ryanness who celebrated his birthday yesterday. I tweeted him birthday wishes and he very kindly tweeted back ' thanks very much'. Apart from making my day, I see he was brought up just like I, Lady Lainey and Dame Didi.

Well as we had over another inch of snow last night I am on chuffing garage digging out duties and believe me that is the last thing that I want to do, so off to get organised ( which means put on 50 layers of clothing) and head off down the A167 to the metropolis of Darlo.

Hope you have a great day.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Snow joke!!!


SNOW !!!


Well nobody in this region escaped snow ( not even The Angel of the North!).  This morning we are knee deep in it ( OK I exaggerate slightly) but it is going to take a while to get Lady limo out of the garage.
 Holy flipping frostbite I was so jolly cold in super swanky Lady Lainey office yesterday,that I had my coat on all day! And that was on top of my thermals, 2 T shirts and an arran jumper!! Lady Lainey only likes sunshine and warmth!!! OK and the chance of getting that in the icy wastes of the North of Blighty are jolly blinking slim!


Besty news of the day is that it is the birthday of His Royal Ryanness!! I Lady Lainey hope that you have a great day and do not drink too much!! ( Yeah rich coming from the 'Queen of Champers!). Keep up the training( thats cricket not drinking!). Happy Birthday Ryan
The Blades were out training in the snow yesterday ( now that is keen) and  I can tell you the only way that you would have got I Lady Lainey  running about in it would have been to have dangled a bottle of champers over my head. I would have trained flipping hard then. Holy moly one of the boys has shorts on!!!!
Photo
Blades training ( yes it really is them Didi!)
Apart from driving to work yesterday in snow and freezing fog, I then had to drive home in drifts of snow with complete Donald ducking 'eedjits' who continued racing around as if it was a lovely sunny day! Flipping heck, do they have no concern for their own lives?  I know they have no concern for other peoples!.......OK rant over.
Gosh I was about to get my tiara in a twist there, so I will move swiftly on to some super blinking blinding news. I was chatting ( via email) with Harry Latchman, yes THE Harry Latchman, former Notts and Middx player, and also former coach of I, Lady Lainey. Well he is in sunny climes being 'Grandpa' and having a jolly fabby time, however he was telling me that he is coming back to UK at the end of the month.Hopefully we can all meet up. He is however looking to do a spot of coaching, so if any of you out there are looking for a great coach in the run up to the season then let me know and I will pass on info. After all if H could get me to bowl, well............................................

More goings on  in the crazy world of cricket , it is being whispered that Ottis Gibson is interested in the opening at Warwickshire for Director of Cricket. This became vacant when Ashley Giles moved over to the England team. Ottis was a great player and when at former besty home team of Durham, he is remembered for taking out Hampshire single handedly 10-47 were his  figures. That has never been repeated at the said county!

Scotland are also upping their numbers for the upcoming season. They are even drafting in Tyke Iain Wardlaw! Others who will be joining the kilt wearing crew ( only joking of course they don't play cricket in kilts, although that might be a way to get more woman to watch!!!) include Rob Taylor, Matthew Machan, David Murphy and All rounder Neil Carter.
I am looking forward to the Scotland match at the Riverside ( Emirates Durham ICG to give it, its sponsored title) with Mr Funky the Chauffeur. He tends to shout for Scotland as he is part Scot himself. Normally this is at the beginning of the season and we sit freezing our 'wotsits' off, however this year it is on June 16th. Knowing the weather here we will still be freezing them off then!

Dame Didi left me two very encouraging comments yesterday to go with the great event that was my 200th blog. It brightens my day to know that my most avid reader approves. I am worried that she will start writing her own!( The adventures of the Organ Grinder and the Monkey??)

Lastly whispers filtering through that Lance Armstrong has  admitted to doping in his Oprah Winfrey 'interview' ( no doubt she was patting his arm throughout and saying 'there there' as he broke down in tears! OK CYNIC!!). Methinks the dosh was just the thing to bring out the truth #allegedly

And so I now am donning the snow wear  and about to  fall on my arse  venture outside the door.
BBBRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Durham Cathedral

Monday, 14 January 2013

Happy 200th!!


                              
200 blogs already!!
                            


I can hardly believe that this is  my 200th blog! And flipping more to the point , people are reading about my boring and mundane life, I guess the scores for the footy and the cricket boost the ratings!

Well what can I say about the last 200 blogs,

I am now read in Burma, and most of Scandanavia,and also Israel  And that's apart from all the other countries where I have people reading my exploits, over 30 of them to date. I would like to pick up some followers in Iceland and the Faroe Islands so if you know anyone out there, could you forward the link to them??

You have followed me through the cricket season and cricket tea empire of Platinum Duck. You travelled to France with Dame Didi and I and read as we got quite squiffy and went stargazing and playing 'secret squirrel'.
Hopefully you were as excited as I was when Wiggo won the Tour de France and then Olympic gold,   and that you  have enjoyed my brief football round ups ( even though it only covers 3 clubs!)

You  lived through my rising damp problems at LT Towers and the subsequent ,move to LT Towers II, been involved in 'Frog Watch' and 'Slug wars' as well as seeing small transformations at the 'Towers'. Hopefully you will see more of that in the next 100 blogs.

You have travelled onto Condorde with me and met Pink Hippo and his side kick Vomit Bag, as well as being introduced to my friends and relatives ( OK names were changed to protect those who had no idea they were being included).

You celebrated my birthday and my French Christmas with me and also have been through the highs and lows which are my life. Funny or sad they are all in there. ( and there have been a few sad times of late)

And you have very often read my comments on the state of County Cricket clubs, with the exception of my beloved Yorkshire. My frustration at cricket players and also my soft spot for certain other players, (why else would there always be a F(ryan)day!). My love of the game is something that you never have failed to pick up on.Whether County, International or local club cricket, I love it.
And now as I move onwards to the 300 blog which will see a new cricket season start, I hope that my antics will encourage you to continue reading and leaving comments.

And that aside it is Monday and I am off to super swanky Lady Lainey office, well same old same old!I do however go to the office knowing that in some little corner of the world ( probably Saltburn by the Sea) someone is reading this.

Happy 200th Blogday to me!

Sunday, 13 January 2013

Busy, busy, busy!!!






The reading pile is getting bigger !!!!



Well I Lady Lainey have been up since the flipping crack of dawn, why you may ask? Well I am once again putting treasures on eBay to try to fill the ever emptying coffers at Tykes Towers. Holy flipping mackerel I think that I may have to sell the monster children nephews soon, actually scrap that Dame Didi says that they are 'better to keep a week than a fortnight', and so they may be returned pretty quick sharp.

I also swapped over my handbag yesterday which was going well until my nose started to run when I was in town and as the new handbag was considerably smaller I had not put a pack of tissues in. Had I not been a lady I would have had to use my sleeve.....................however I bought a small pack which squashed into the  aforementioned (tiny)bag.

I once triggered the seat belt alarm in Tzarina Katerina car when I had to borrow it. I was convinced that I had broken the flipping car and in a panic got Job the Jolly to have a look at it. Nothing happened. I got in went to drive away and the seat belt alarm starting beeping. Job the Jolly realised that I had thrown my handbag on the passenger seat and told me that I obviously ' had the weight of a small adult in that flipping bag' ( or words to that effect)

Football round up. ( and its not good)

The Mighty Whites went down 2-1 at Barnsley and I bet that was longest drive home!

Birmingham drew 1-1 at Huddersfield, it was not a great match with 7 yellow cards being 'presented'and yes you've guessed it Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo got one!! Obviously didn't do what ever he was doing as discreetly as he thought.

Over at Bramall Lane  The Blades did not fair any better going down 0-2 to Yeovil. Both goals came in the second half. Danny Wilson later said that the team were a shadow of their former selves. Sadly this is true and they are now 4th in the league. Sadly the loss of Shaun miller for the season does look to be taking its toll. Come on you Blades!!!

Over in the crazy world of cricket, super Tyke Joe Root has been talking about his desire to become an England all rounder, aside from the fact that his growing influence is helping England to flourish in India with his unflappable temperament and his ability with both bat and ball. Joe is a great player and I ,Lady Lainey hope that he is given every chance to play for his Country.
 Joe is also going to captain the England Lions team when they tour Australia.He is  a great example of how hard work pays off ( something a lot of young people should realise).  He is also a super fabby asset to super besty home county of Yorkshire too.

The weather here in the North of Blighty is supposed to be changing very shortly , so after basking in positively tropical temperatures of 5-6c we are now facing SNOW!!!!!! so out with the Hunters and make sure that you have a shovel, blanket, Thermos in the car in case you breakdown. well either that or  justdon't go out ( hence the reading book pile getting bigger!!!)




Saturday, 12 January 2013

Lady Lainey tidies up











Yesterday lunchtime I decided to tidy my handbag as it appeared to be bursting at the seams with Lady Laineys treasures. Holy flipping mackerel!!!! what the donald duck have I been lugging around. Contents included

6 emery board
5 pens
large makeup bag which contained 7 lipsticks!!! ( because I change my colour all the time!), 4 eyeshadow sets ( same as before) and a mixture of blushers, clear lip gloss, eye pencils, brushes,2 mirrors!
Manicure set
Passport ( because I often 'pop' over to Monte Carlo after work on a whim!)
Diary ( now that is important, all cricket fixtures)
Perfume
Hand cream
Hand sanitiser
3 packs of tissues
2 combs ( because I often comb my birdsnest! NOT)
Hairband, and slide ( like I can tie my hair up after being shorn by Sweeney Todd demon barber of Coniscliffe Road!!)
Pack of cold and flu capsules
Pack of paracetamol
Purse
MP3 player
Letter & 2 cards
Cheques books
Keys ( home, work, Dame Didi's, garage)
Little dog soft toy
Various bank and store reward cards
Blood donor card
3 million postal & shop receipt's!!!
Champagne cork (WTF???)
FLUFF!!!!

How on earth am I still walking! I am surprised that I haven't slipped a disc in my back or worse! I cannot believe how much 'stuff' I think that I need to carry around with me every day. So my first job this morning is to clean the handbag out and possibly downsize to a smaller bag!

I am going to walk to town  to drop off some things at the local charity shop,then pick up more 'Fatfighters' meals for the 'boys' to have for lunch next week at work. And also do some food shopping for me  before heading back to the 'Towers' to continue with the mundane jobs and then nap time( yipppeee!! I love nap time). I may even knit another cricket jumper tea cosy!

Over in India yesterday England appeared to be in a strong position after their 50 overs 325-4. India came in to bat and played very well, however they lost by 9 runs. Good old Tyke Tim Bresnan took 2 wickets too so that was a result. Samit Patel once again showed that he can bat scoring 44 ( same as KP).

Well got to run and swap handbags over ready for going to the town.

Have a super Saturday.


Friday, 11 January 2013

Flipping F(ryan)day again




Pensive Ryan



Yip di flipping dip it is F(ryan)day again and I am super dooper excited because:-

a) It is nearly the weekend

b) I can have two lie ins after today

c) I can post a picture ( or two)of his Royal Ryannness.

Well yesterday I had a chat with Rt Hon Robbo Jnr ( El PResidenti ) and we were discussing the doors of Platinum Duck Palace home of the cricket tea empire,reopening. However I am now beginning to wonder if they are actually going to open this season and by this time next week I think that I may be keeping them firmly locked. This however will free up all my summer for lots of cricket, 'glamping', orange afro taming, and all the other fab things that I Lady Lainey have put on hold for the past few seasons...............this is starting to look much more appealing than making sarnies, cooking sausage rolls and buttering scones and swanning around in a frilly apron. Well lets wait and see.

Over in India in the 3rd ODI Joe Root has been selected to make his ODI début and will bat at 4. England won the toss and elected to bat first. Play has just started (6.52am UK time) and the score is 25-0. Cook and Bell are opening.

This weekend  the footy fixtures are back to normal,

The Blades are taking on Yeovil

The Mighty Whites are away to Barnsley
Brum are over in Huddersfield

Good luck to you all.

Sooooooooooooo you must all be wondering what I, Lady Lainey have planned for the weekend, well I am going to have a glass of lemonade after work with Black knight of the Ferrari and then I am coming home to the more mundane things like, washing and housework.

Tomorrow I think that I will make some investigations into getting gravel for part of the extensive grounds of Tykes Towers and may even have some of the Deer Park laid to gravel which will make life a lot easier for Mr Funky the Chauffeur when he has to mow the lawns etc ( what a kind and thoughtful friend I am to him). I also would like to have a look at some paint colour charts and make some decisions re colours etc, and finally I will make sure that I have lots of naps!
Well off to super swanky Lady Lainey office to shout at the boys, drink gallons of coffee and to finish the working week. Can you really believe it is the 11th January already????????



Smiley Ryan!


Thursday, 10 January 2013

Moving on








Well after an emotional couple of days for the family, it is now time to move onto something close to normality ( although in Lady Lainey Lala Land goodness only knows what normality is!). I  had a little trip to FatFighters to see if all the abstaining from chocolate was working, and flipping heck it jolly well is and I lost 2lb!! Well I am over the blinking moon and now I am on to losing the next 2lb!

So what is in store for me now, well after my comment to the Dame about the Angel in church yesterday I fear that hell is the only place for me, ( or being reincarnated as a Lego fireman without my ladder...........yes I know that 99.9% of you will not understand any of that, but Dame Didi does!). For me today though it is back to super swanky Lady Lainey office and shouting at my ever present boys.

Well in cricket land the name KP always sends I, Lady Lainey into a tailspin!, so after all his bad behaviour in 2012  he has been rewarded with a full central contract to replace the 4 month one that he was given earlier. Now that he has been fully 'integrated' into the team  ( which according to a down market red top tabloid, meant having his shirt signed by all the players after England won the test series in India), he is very soon to leave the England boys to go onto something that he loves more than his country and is way more rewarding.......IPL.

'Silk purse' Shane has also been defending himself, not in his driving ban but in his BBL antics, he said, 'Sunday was emotion and passion, sometimes we like to see that in sport, we are not robots, but I over stepped the mark and I apologise for my behaviour'. Now I, Lady Lainey read this as Elizabeth Hurley has hauled him over the coals and made him apologise in case it affects her career ( as in the case of former squeeze and lady of the night!). Maybe I am just too much of a cynic!!

Also it appears that there is major reshuffling at Glamorgan, not team wise but with the coaching and management staff. Why oh why is this not happening at Durham,??????

Over in cycling I sort of had a tiny inkling that it wouldn't be long before Lance Armstrong reared his head again. And this time he is going to talk about his side of the stories about him. And strangely he has chosen to do this on Oprah Winfrey! Well at least it will be stage managed and he will just be able to say it his way without some hard nosed hack bearing down on him. Whoops cynical again!!!


Well I have got to run and get into the Lady Lainey limo and after being chauffeured around in the Dame Didi Daimler yesterday, I really do not want to face the throng of irate motorist speedy up the A167 toward the central Darlo.

Have a great day where ever you are.


Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Chateau Saltburn




Saltburn by the Sea


Well I was at Chateau Saltburn last night to stay over with Dame Didi, we managed to polish off a bottle of fizz to mark the occasion ( and we ate 'Fat Fighters' meals which kind of defeats the object). And it was the birthday of Yorkshire County Cricket Club!!! ( any flipping excuse)

I had also popped round to see m'lady Margaret last night to wish her and Baron Bill  Happy New Year. And I will hopefully see Baron and Baroness Burphy ( neighbours of Dame Didi) to do the same.

Yesterday I also went to take some flowers for Her Serene Highness as it was 2 years  since she went off to be with His Royal Gorgeousness. I nipped out at lunchtime and was back in super swanky Lady Lainey office before the boys had a chance to miss me. ( ' we noticed it had gone quiet' Job the Jolly)

However today we have the sad occasion of saying goodbye to Grandma Jean, who sadly passed away on Christmas Day. It will be a sad day for the monster children nephews, but we all know that she has gone on to a better place.

Yeaterday I took a swipe at Mr Shane Hurley  Warne, well I wasn't the only one, as he was fined for driving at 100mph near Gretna ( didn't fancy jumping the anvil then?) and got 5 points on his license. Well he was very lucky as Joe Public would have lost theirs!!!!

Over in India, England were taking on Delhi and scored 294-5 in 50 overs Bell got another century and Root got 10!! Never mind Joe, you got to play. Delhi won scoring 295-4 in 48.3 overs.

After taking a look yesterday at what kind of person I am, I also decided to make a list of things that I would like to see or do before I am no longer here. Concorde was my one big wish and although  it didn't fly, it was amazing to go to see it and also spend time onboard. Especially being the Captain!

So what do I want to do?

1. See the Northern Lights

2 Visit the Faroe Islands and the Frisian Islands

3 Visit Pantellaria

4 Have a mad night in Sousse on boukha L'oasis, eating Harissa, bread and olives and going to La Grotte

5Get my house in Champagne /Ardennes

6 Just be happy!

7 Lots and lots of cricket especially besty home county of Yorkshire


I imagine that this list will grow as I continue to think about things that I would like to do.
Also if I work hard I should be able to achieve these, at some point. And as for being happy, I must try to always be happy! I also think that I will be doing lots more travelling  once I am ensconced in France, when  the world will be my huitre!

Bon Journee






Tuesday, 8 January 2013

What kind of person am I ?




This tiny little picture is of I, Lady Lainey as a tiny terror and I look as if I was up to  no good!!!, which got me to thinking about the kind of person that I am.

I was brought up to ( and still do ) respect my elders ( although they are getting less and less by the day). I still call my Aunts and Uncle by that title. I think that I am a good friend and try to help out whenever I can. I also try to listen and understand although with the track record of my life, understanding anything is an enigma!.

I am kind to animals ( well I was married to Former Lord Lainey for 5 years). I give to charity and try to raise funds for one cause every year. ( This year 'Chance to shine'contact me for details).

  I am sometimes a little abrasive but we all have our moments,  and I know I am the besty Auntie Lainey in the world to the monster children nephews, so I kind of think that His Royal Gorgeousness and Her Serene Highness didn't do a bad job on me, or Dame Didi, as for the other sibling................well that would lower my niceness rating if I voiced that!.

Niceness ratings went out of the window ( and mine are about to plummet) on Sunday over at the BBL in Australia. Mr Shane 'I have never had plastic surgery this is all down to Estee Lauder' Warne, let his new façade of top escort to equally vomit inducing  Estee Lauder enhanced Elizabeth Hurley, slip when he let rip with  very naughty swear words ( similar to ' flipping heck and rhymes with 'Duck'). Now he was 'mic'd' up as he was also commentating so it begs the question. 'Is he as thick as the eyeliner he wears?'

He was fined for 'obscene language' and banned for one match, but the real beauty of this is, no matter how many polo matches, celeb parties and Estee Lauder launches Elizabeth takes him too, his true self is just bubbling under the surface. Silk purse, sows ear rears its head again.

Super splendid news for I , Lady Lainey Northamptonshire have approached Mike Hussey to play for them in the T20 series, whoop di flipping do that has made my morning, (another day crossed off the 365 hats calendar).


Also super big Happy Birthday wishes to Yorkshire County Cricket Club who are 150 years old today ( and just slightly younger than Bramall Lane). Lets have many more. Happy Birthday and congratulations.

It really is a short one this morning as I have to scoot off to super swanky Lady Lainey office jolly quick smart this morning and get masses of boxes of archiving ready to go to London. ( And I broke a nail yesterday getting all the boxes sorted). On top of that I have a million other things to get sorted and don't even get me stated on the orange frizzy ball on my head..........................................

Monday, 7 January 2013

How did it get to be Monday so quickly??/







It's Monday!!



Well it was a seriously busy day yesterday here at the 'Towers'. Firstly I got all the washing done ( mundane and boring), then I packed my bag to go to Chateau Saltburn this week. I also checked out all the Lady Lainey  rubbish treasures that I had put onto eBay to sell ( and yes they were selling well!). Then I had a little nap, only to wake up to realise that I had missed the FA cup draw!!

Firstly Leeds & Birmingham will replay their match on January 15th and the winner will take on Tottenham on January 26th

The Blades are taking on Reading on 26th  so lets see how that goes.

Over in India, England lost to India A by 53 runs, KP opened and scored 19, bell opened with him and scored 91 missing out on the his century, however he made up for it with 'verbal runs' stating that 'defeat is irrelevent'. Why oh why doesn't he keep his trap shut!!! You just know that pride comes before a fall.
Joe Root was omitted from the team and I think that it showed.

I read in the paper that veteran war correspondent Marie Colivin who was sadly  killed in February last year, had put a clause in her will stating that her ex husband  would be able to make no claim on her estate. They had been divorced for many years and everyone said that they still remained friends. Well I think her message from the grave states otherwise. ....................now where is my will?????

Today is a super busy day at  super swanky Lady Lainey office too, as I am about to try and get all the archiving done ready to sent to 'not quite as swanky' HQ in the South. I hate archiving ( take note Jobbers) but like it all to be done properly so there will be a lot of shouting at the boys today, to ascertain that all relevant information is included.


On this day 

7th January

1558 Calais last English possession in France retaken by the French ( and now constantly invaded by English booze cruisers!)

1908 England beat Australia by 1 wicket at MCG

1964 Nicholas Cage was born

1983 Australia regain the Ashes  beating England 2-1 in the series

1987 Kapil Dev takes his 300th age 27.


And so it is now time to climb aboard the Lady Lainey limo and head off to work.








Sunday, 6 January 2013

Sports round up Sunday





Sheffield form the air! ( ok a big wheel)



Well I have managed to drag myself out of bed, cannot believe how tired I am. It must have been all the excitement of seeing his Royal Ryanness on TV on Friday evening.

Well lets get down to the nitty gritty,

Over in India, England are involved in a warm up match with India A, ahead of the ODI series.I cannot find team news or any up to date scores and it started at 3.30am UK time.However do not fear I will continue to look for info. Ashley Giles has taken charge of the one day team and hopefully this will show in the cricket content.

So lets move on to FA cup action, well what an afternoon of football it was, Twitter and Facebook were buzzing with comments.

The Mighty Whites were taking on Birmingham ( team of cuz Rt Hon Hooligan Robbo). The score was 1-1 with Birmingham looking to have lost another player, teenager Will Packwood suffered an horrific leg break in a collision with Leeds striker Luciano Becchio. ill is reported to have broken his fibula and tibia and will     ( obviously) be out for the rest of the season. Here at Tykes Towers we send big get well wishes. The gloss was taken off what had otherwise been a good game, especially as 'Hooligan' got through 90 minutes without been booked!

Down in Oxford, The Blades were in fighting  spirit, taking the match 3-0. It was 1-0 at half-time  thanks to Mc Mahon and then in the second half goals from Dave Kitson and then Nick Blackman 3 minutes from time brought the Blades into the next round draw ( which takes place today).

Sad news in F1, Japanese driver  Kamui Kobayashi, has failed to find a seat for the 2013 season. He had raised over £6.5 million  which had been made up partly  by donation by fans. He made the announcement before Christmas but said that he would save the money a he was sure that he would find a 'seat' for 2014.

Well back to all things mundane here at the 'Towers' the sun is shining (weakly) even though there was a very thin layer of frost this morning. I have piles more washing to do ( what the hokey pokey is that all about, there is only me living in this house!). Plus I am hopefully going to plant out some bulbs in the extensive grounds of Tykes Towers.

So with all this to do I bid you a happy Sunday.





Saturday, 5 January 2013

Time for a lie in I think












Well its Saturday and I have had a bit of a super flipping dooper  lie in, to gear myself up for having to do the various household tasks ( I still do not have any 'staff') that are needed to keep LT Towers II up to pristine condition.

Now let me apologise for being a flipping twit regarding the footy for today

The Blades are in FA cup action against Oxford today not playing Yeovil ( that's next week) so #coyb

The Mighty Whites are only playing Birmingham too!!!! ( FA cup )

I must have been drunk or stupid yesterday morning, I would figure the latter!!!



I watched his Royal Ryanness on Question of Sport last night and have to say I was very impressed, ( how on earth does he get his curls to stay so tidy, not wild afro like mine). I am now so super excited about the start of the cricket season that I am ticking  off the days on the my super smart  '365 hats' calendar. I really really cannot wait. I also have to get things organised  for the reopening of 'Platinum Duck Palace' hub of the cricket tea empire, and believe me it won't be long before I am in a whirl of tea making again.

I am going to look for somewhere for Mr Funky and I to stay when we go to the Scarbella Festival in August too, when we got to see super besty home county of Yorkshire..............OMG I am turning into  his PA !!! There is something amiss here me thinks!! Flipping heck. And it looks like we may be going camping or in my case 'glamping'!!!.


Yesterday was quiet in super swanky Lady Laney office as Job the Jolly was not very well and Pony Paul and I were totally wiped out with having to work for 2 days. As for Dan Dan Cowboy draughtsman, he is living it up in temperatures of 34c at home in Thailand. And he keeps emailing just to rub it in.
Sir Robert of Solihull gave us a call to,

1. Wish us a Happy New Year
2. Let us know that he is still not coming back to work for us
3. Fill me in on all the gossip that I have missed out on ( and you know how a Lady loves her gossip)

NORTH EAST WEATHER WATCH

Well today is damp, here in the North of Blighty but there doesn't look as if there will be any rain. I will not however be planting out my 'Lily if the Valley' as the forecast is for frost overnight tonight.
I am hoping that I can get some of the Lady Lainey pile of washing done and hung out on super swirly washing line.







Friday, 4 January 2013

Hurrah it F(ryan)day






F(ryan)day again!



Well it is F(ryan)day and a jolly quick reminder to all readers in the UK that his Royal Ryanness will be on  'Question of Sport' at 7.30pm tonight ( BBC 1). I missed it on Wednesday as I had to go to bed due to over indulging the night before.

It is also the last day of work before the weekend (yes its been a long week, all 2 days if it!). Super swanky Lady Lainey office was jolly flipping freezing yesterday and I had ever heater in the whole world going in my office to try to generate some heat. Then Pony Paul put his flipping fan on because he said he was too hot!! Must be his age!.

Checked the blog yesterday lunchtime and Dame Didi and once again commented, however she is always to be known as Anonymous!  I have taken her comments on board and I will make sure that she also gets the weight loss bug, reading the books does help but Didi, it takes more than that.

In the wacky world of cricket, England flew back out to India for the ODI's. Also on the BBC website Alec Stewart is once again 3 steps behind I Lady Lainey. he stated that Joe Root was a player to be watching this season...........well I have been shouting that since last season. Catch up Alec!!! Methinks mayhaps he is reading my blog and then writing his articles!!!

Super South African Jacques Kallis has hit 13,000 test runs that is some flipping achievement  and joins other greats Ricky Ponting, Sachin Tendulkar & Raul Dravid. Jolly well done Jacques and keep on running. Whilst in the said test South Africa scuttled New Zealand for 45 all out. What the bally hell was going on there. #timetorethinkNZteam

Football tomorrow with The Mighty Whites taking on Barnsley ( quick run home after the match!)

Birmingham are up in Huddersfield

The Blades are home to Yeovil

I Lady Lainey am trying to plan what to do this weekend, and I actually do not really want to do anything! I feel like lying on the sofa, watching DVD's. So no change from any other weekend then! I have nothing planned and haven't heard from Mr Funky the chauffeur who is on night shift  so I think that I will just chill out. ( well and do some housework and some washing and ironing.......................). I may even knit another tea cosy ( see pic below).


Well off to super swanky Lady Lainey office, I am once again wrapped up against the cold although the man 'on't wireless' did say that temperatures would hit 11c today. Whoopee positively sub tropical for these parts I may well omit one layer of thermals!

And with that I am off to shout at boys, drink gallons for coffee and will the clock to be 4.30pm so that I can  come home.



what I did over Christmas!